My bridal shower was approx. 4 weeks ago and my wedding was 2 weeks ago. Finally all the chaos is gone, but now I'm unsure how to send thank you cards. Do I mail shower & wedding at the same time? Do I include it on one card? Please help!
there is no reason to send two. It is clunky and doesnt comply with any rules of etiquette. You should better write one letter, one personal letter thanking one person for 2 gifts or whatever. Doing it the other way seems like an insurance company that sends you a different page for each procedure. (Or the IRS for each year). Honestly you should have already written the shower thank you's if you really truly wanted to comply with the rules of etiquette but now that you didnt, never mind, just send ONE note! Congrats!
Definitely go with your instincts and send separate thank yous. Depending on what kind of shower you had, the gifts may have been intended only for you, whereas the wedding gifts were intended for both you and your husband. Also, I really think it's just a nice gesture and shows greater appreciation to take the time to send two separate cards or notes. If you can, you might use separate stationery to mix it up a little.
i don't think it's necessary to send two. i have received one card that acknowledged both the shower and wedding gift from brides and never felt snubbed or offended. if you are sending two, i think it's slightly tacky to send them together in one envelope.
I dont mean to snap at any previous posters but I thought what miss lawallace asked for was ETIQUETTE not personal opinion. Etiquette does not dictate that you send two. You SHOULD have sent 2 at 2 separate times, now that you are already married...it does look clunky as one poster said and it does not comply with etiquette standards in any way. Consult any etiquette book. In fact it underscores the fact that you didnt send the first one sooner-- mistake! Better to say Dear Aunt Bee, thank you so much for the pretty tablecloth and chafing dish that you gave us....rather than two notes which could not fail to look amateurish, i.e. the first time in your life you ever wrote thank you notes. Save yourself the trouble and the ridicule! You were right to ask for advice, but if you want the correct way to do it, rather than what someone feels is correct, you may have to learn the facts. Call the Headmistress at Miss Porters, I am class of 92.
Personally, I'd send two notes. I am not sure if I'd send them together. I'd probably send them separately, with the shower ones sent a day or two before the wedding ones. But that's just me.
Regarding the etiquette, a big part of etiquette is being considerate of others (at least by my source, which is Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette). So you didn't get the thank you note out "in time" - send a thank you note NOW to show your appreciation. The book even addresses that while you should send the thank-yous out quickly, it's still better late than never!
What do YOU think your guests would want - two separate cards or the same card mentioning each gift? If you're certain Aunt Louise (or whoever) wouldn't mind the two cards in the same envelope, or cousin Sarah wouldn't mind one thank you note for both, then go for it!
P.S. if this IS the first time you're sending thank-you notes, or you haven't had opportunities to do so lately, don't worry about it! The important part (again, per The Emily Post Institute) is showing your appreciation, now, for the gift.
Wait, someone mentioned two cards in the same envelope... That's just silly. If you ARE going to send two separate notes, send them in separate envelopes. If you only want to send one envelope, mention your thanks for both gifts on one card.
I have a similar problem, but even more extreme... My bridal shower is two DAYS before my wedding - and it is a lingerie shower I think I will send separate notes, because the gifts from the married women attending I'm sure will not be from both them and their husbands, considering the theme, whereas the wedding gifts would be.
I would send one card thanking the guest for both gifts. It seems pointless now to send two separate ones. UNLESS, if you are going to be taking a little while before you send out the wedding thank-yous then you could send a quick shower thank you followed by a wedding thank you a few weeks later.
I think the best thing to do is send any thank you notes out immediately. This is obviously not helpful to you right now, but for others who may be reading this. After our shower was over I wrote all of the thank you cards that night and mailed them the following morning. I had gotten all of the addresses and addressed the envelopes before the shower so I knew all I needed to do was to write the notes. I am sure my shower guests appreciated being thanked so quickly.
Having attended weddings and showers and not been thanked, or been thanked so late afterwards that it seemed almost pointless I would try my best to get all the cards in the mail ASAP. Etiquette may dictate that you have X number of weeks/months to send them out, but if you want to see really appreciative send them out within a few weeks of the wedding (or sooner if possible!).
Frankly, if you read enough etiquette books, you can find several differing opinions. However, the most correct thing to do is to send two separate notes. It is also most appropriate to thank the gift-givers soon after giving, although I can seen why in the month right before your wedding you maybe didn't have time.
Here is what I would do: I would write your shower thank you notes first. They can be a little more informal, and you can get some cute girly notes to use (I assume it was your shower, not a couples shower?). Then I would write the wedding ones. Your husband should help with these (do half of them, or at least the ones for his family/friends) and so you probably want something a little more formal looking, or at least kind of gender-neutral. There are a lot of cute wedding thank you cards. If you do the wedding ones in a separate group, people who sent a present for the shower and one for the wedding will get two notes. However, they will get them a couple of weeks apart, so it won't look odd.
I agree with Suzanno pretty much for everything she already said. Your shower gifts were pretty much meant for you-although your husband will benefit if you received any lingerie . You have a bit of a time cushion to get your wedding thank-you's out.
I think suzanno better explained what I was trying to explain in more thorough terms. The only difference between us was that I suggested a day apart, but that's not logical. It is logical to do all the shower notes first, then the wedding gifts, which would naturally create a larger time difference (as suzanno pointed out).
I still think the important thing is that the original poster, lawallace, is thanking her family & friends for their gifts, regardless of two notes or one note. We all remember the "golden rule", so use that to guide you in your thank-you letter writing. Good luck!
My bridal shower was approx. 4 weeks ago and my wedding was 2 weeks ago. Finally all the chaos is gone, but now I'm unsure how to send thank you cards. Do I mail shower & wedding at the same time? Do I include it on one card? Please help!
posted by lawallace 3 posts 2 months agoYou should send separate ones for shower and wedding gift. You can mail them together though.
posted by ninanina 48 posts 2 months agoThat's what I figured I'd do... thank you!
posted by lawallace 3 posts 2 months agothere is no reason to send two. It is clunky and doesnt comply with any rules of etiquette. You should better write one letter, one personal letter thanking one person for 2 gifts or whatever. Doing it the other way seems like an insurance company that sends you a different page for each procedure. (Or the IRS for each year). Honestly you should have already written the shower thank you's if you really truly wanted to comply with the rules of etiquette but now that you didnt, never mind, just send ONE note! Congrats!
posted by ju1244 254 posts 2 months agoDefinitely go with your instincts and send separate thank yous. Depending on what kind of shower you had, the gifts may have been intended only for you, whereas the wedding gifts were intended for both you and your husband. Also, I really think it's just a nice gesture and shows greater appreciation to take the time to send two separate cards or notes. If you can, you might use separate stationery to mix it up a little.
posted by MissSnapdragon 88 posts 2 months agoi don't think it's necessary to send two. i have received one card that acknowledged both the shower and wedding gift from brides and never felt snubbed or offended. if you are sending two, i think it's slightly tacky to send them together in one envelope.
posted by emileee 123 posts 2 months agoI dont mean to snap at any previous posters but I thought what miss lawallace asked for was ETIQUETTE not personal opinion. Etiquette does not dictate that you send two. You SHOULD have sent 2 at 2 separate times, now that you are already married...it does look clunky as one poster said and it does not comply with etiquette standards in any way. Consult any etiquette book. In fact it underscores the fact that you didnt send the first one sooner-- mistake! Better to say Dear Aunt Bee, thank you so much for the pretty tablecloth and chafing dish that you gave us....rather than two notes which could not fail to look amateurish, i.e. the first time in your life you ever wrote thank you notes. Save yourself the trouble and the ridicule! You were right to ask for advice, but if you want the correct way to do it, rather than what someone feels is correct, you may have to learn the facts. Call the Headmistress at Miss Porters, I am class of 92.
posted by Hyacinth 33 posts 2 months agoI suppose it depends on which etiquette maven you are consulting, but I have read that it's proper to send two cards:
http://www.1800bride2b.com/articles/ThankYouNotes.htm
http://ezinearticles.com/?Bridal-Shower-Thank-You-Cards---Sample-Wording,-Tips-and-Etiquette&id=935380
posted by Pengwen 57 posts 2 months agoFor those of you saying that two notes are not proper etiquette, could you please site your sources?
posted by Niki 432 posts 2 months agoPersonally, I'd send two notes. I am not sure if I'd send them together. I'd probably send them separately, with the shower ones sent a day or two before the wedding ones. But that's just me.
Regarding the etiquette, a big part of etiquette is being considerate of others (at least by my source, which is Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette). So you didn't get the thank you note out "in time" - send a thank you note NOW to show your appreciation. The book even addresses that while you should send the thank-yous out quickly, it's still better late than never!
What do YOU think your guests would want - two separate cards or the same card mentioning each gift? If you're certain Aunt Louise (or whoever) wouldn't mind the two cards in the same envelope, or cousin Sarah wouldn't mind one thank you note for both, then go for it!
posted by Krista 102 posts 2 months agoP.S. if this IS the first time you're sending thank-you notes, or you haven't had opportunities to do so lately, don't worry about it! The important part (again, per The Emily Post Institute) is showing your appreciation, now, for the gift.
posted by Krista 102 posts 2 months agoWait, someone mentioned two cards in the same envelope... That's just silly. If you ARE going to send two separate notes, send them in separate envelopes. If you only want to send one envelope, mention your thanks for both gifts on one card.
I have a similar problem, but even more extreme... My bridal shower is two DAYS before my wedding - and it is a lingerie shower
I think I will send separate notes, because the gifts from the married women attending I'm sure will not be from both them and their husbands, considering the theme, whereas the wedding gifts would be.
posted by CarolineG 284 posts 2 months agoI would send one card thanking the guest for both gifts. It seems pointless now to send two separate ones. UNLESS, if you are going to be taking a little while before you send out the wedding thank-yous then you could send a quick shower thank you followed by a wedding thank you a few weeks later.
I think the best thing to do is send any thank you notes out immediately. This is obviously not helpful to you right now, but for others who may be reading this. After our shower was over I wrote all of the thank you cards that night and mailed them the following morning. I had gotten all of the addresses and addressed the envelopes before the shower so I knew all I needed to do was to write the notes. I am sure my shower guests appreciated being thanked so quickly.
Having attended weddings and showers and not been thanked, or been thanked so late afterwards that it seemed almost pointless I would try my best to get all the cards in the mail ASAP. Etiquette may dictate that you have X number of weeks/months to send them out, but if you want to see really appreciative send them out within a few weeks of the wedding (or sooner if possible!).
posted by MsB 212 posts 2 months agoWow, everybody is cranky on this subject!
Frankly, if you read enough etiquette books, you can find several differing opinions. However, the most correct thing to do is to send two separate notes. It is also most appropriate to thank the gift-givers soon after giving, although I can seen why in the month right before your wedding you maybe didn't have time.
Here is what I would do: I would write your shower thank you notes first. They can be a little more informal, and you can get some cute girly notes to use (I assume it was your shower, not a couples shower?). Then I would write the wedding ones. Your husband should help with these (do half of them, or at least the ones for his family/friends) and so you probably want something a little more formal looking, or at least kind of gender-neutral. There are a lot of cute wedding thank you cards. If you do the wedding ones in a separate group, people who sent a present for the shower and one for the wedding will get two notes. However, they will get them a couple of weeks apart, so it won't look odd.
posted by suzanno 1,976 posts 2 months agoOooh.wee. So much snarkiness...
I agree with Suzanno pretty much for everything she already said. Your shower gifts were pretty much meant for you-although your husband will benefit if you received any lingerie
. You have a bit of a time cushion to get your wedding thank-you's out.
posted by mlindsey 175 posts 2 months agoI think suzanno better explained what I was trying to explain in more thorough terms. The only difference between us was that I suggested a day apart, but that's not logical. It is logical to do all the shower notes first, then the wedding gifts, which would naturally create a larger time difference (as suzanno pointed out).
I still think the important thing is that the original poster, lawallace, is thanking her family & friends for their gifts, regardless of two notes or one note. We all remember the "golden rule", so use that to guide you in your thank-you letter writing. Good luck!
posted by Krista 102 posts 2 months agoP.S. hehe mlindsey!
posted by Krista 102 posts 2 months ago