Post # 1
I am probably the worst person when it comes to etiquette. As in, I don’t know the rules, and when it comes to me, I don’t care whether or not people follow them. But I have a situation now, where I don’t know the bride that well. She’s usually easy going, but I don’t want to offend her or put a burden on her, as I know wedding planning can be quite stressful as it is…
I just received a wedding invitation and the bride is one of DH’s co-worker. I have met her many times, at group dinners. I am gluten intolerant, and recently discovered a mild lactose intolerance as well. Going out to restaurants, I can usually manage to find things to eat, but at a wedding where there are 2 meal options (chicken or fish), what are the chances that I can eat what’s on the menu?
I can probably deal with a bit of lactose as my discomfort would be manageable (but not fun) for one night.. But I absolutely can’t deal with gluten.
How do I approach her with this, without sounding like I am making demands or being that difficult guest?
Post # 2
mommytobee: Food allergies, especially gluten intolerance are really important, as the Bride, I would want to know to ensure the comfort of all my guests!! Our venue had a gluten-free option, as I would assume most would, and I had no problem calling in a few special diet requests. I would have been more upset if I had learned a guest did not eat a meal we paid for, because they were not comfortable letting me know, rather than asking for a substitution/meal they will eat.
Shoot her an email, or have your Darling Husband run it by her!! She will not mind, nor is it ‘difficult’ 🙂
Post # 3
Send in on your RSVP card that you are gluten and lactose intolerant would be my guess. unless their caterers are big fat jerks they will most likely accommodate you at little to no extra cost for the bride and groom.
Post # 4
It’s not a big deal! Just write on the RSVP card that you’re allergic to gluten and lactose (or just the gluten, if you’re comfortable taking something for the lactose intolerance) and follow up with an email or call. Seriously, it’s not a problem at all – we had several people with food allergies at our wedding (ourselves included), and the venue took care of everything. They just needed a list of people and allergies, and the place cards were marked so that the wait staff knew.
Post # 5
Personally I probably wouldn’t bother her with it, since you aren’t close. I am not saying that you shouldn’t, I just wouldn’t know what to say to her. I would just eat before the wedding and then nibble on what you know are safe foods throughout the night. Most people have fresh fruit or veggies as a cocktail option. I would probably pack a snack too like a gluten free protein bar or something.
Post # 6
On your RSVP card, or in an email, tell the bride “Dh and I are so looking forward to celebrating with you at your wedding! I unfortunately have a gluten and lactose intolerance – will the venue be able to accomodate food allergies? If not, I’m happy to bring my own meal, just wanted to check!”
or “Is the caterer able to make a gluten and lactose free meal or should I bring my own snacks? darn food allergies are so annoying!”
keep it light hearted and phrase it like a question and not a demand!
Post # 7
You’re not being difficult if you’re allergic to the food being served. Include a note with the RSVP mentioning it, and the bride will surely relay it to the caterer. Caterers deal with food allergies all the time and have no problem accomodating you if they know about it in advance.
Post # 8
Don’t feel bad about tihs. Some PP’s have made great suggestions on how to bring this up. Just keep it friendly and light hearted.
I’ve worked in the food service industry and and reputable caterer will be prepared to, and expect to have to make adjustments for dietary concerns just like yours. At my wedding, our caterer flat-out asked me if there were any that they needed to know about and were really great about providing full meals that were safe for all my guests to eat.
Post # 9
mommytobee: I have allergies too! Allergic to garlic, onions, and other alliums. Great times. Can’t eat anywhere except dessert.
If I were you I’d let her know and invest in some Lactaid just in case. I am also lactose intolerant and I just take a Lactaid with meals that have dairy because it’s already hard enough with my other allergies.
You can say, I have a gluten intolerance, is the venue able to provide me a gluten-free meal? If she says no (which I think would be rude but does happen because some vendors are not equipped to stop cross contamination, etc.) at least you’ll know and you can bring something to eat with you.
Post # 10
mommytobee: Usually there would be a place on the RSVP for allergies. I would just put it on your RSVP as her caterer will want to know. We had many people with allergies and intolerances and our caterer was able to accomodate them all!
Post # 11
Caterers (and other posters) seem to have your question answered re: gluten intolerance.
As a fellow lactose-challenged person… invest in Lactaid pills! Seriously, they’re amazing! (Don’t eat them if you won’t eat any lactose though… it hurts the stomach a bit) With the help of those babies, I tried my first ever eggnog! OMG yummmm.
Post # 12
Have your husband RSVP and ask the bride about allergies, since you don’t know her. And offer to bring your own meal.
Also, if you are asking for a gluten-free meal, don’t eat anything with gluten at the wedding like wedding cake (seems obvious, but I think it’s rude to ask for a gluten-free meal then show the bride you actually can eat gluten).
Post # 13
Typically there’s a place on the RSVP for allergies. Its strange to not solicit that information from your guests.
I’d include it on my RSVP and perhaps eat a bit beforehand, in case they’re not taken into account. Most of the time the caterer/ venue will accomodate allergies.. But, its strange that guests aren’t asked to provide that information in the first place.
Post # 14
mommytobee: There is some great advice in this thread! Another thought: have you checked to see if the couple has a wedding website? I know that on our wedding website, I provided my e-mail and made sure to say that if you have any dietary restrictions please contact me so that we could better accommodate our guests! Maybe they have a specific wedding e-mail address listed on their website?
Post # 15
canadajane: Yeah, there’s no chance I’d touch that cake with a 10-feet pole. Side effects are just horrible for me with gluten.
Thanks for your suggestions ladies! No place on the RSVP card for allergies and such..