Weddingbee boards

Hi bees!

I need a bit of etiquette advice. I know that a lot of people who elope or have a really small, intimate wedding throw a larger reception later. My FI and I originally wanted to elope--just the two of us--but my mom told me that she would be absolutely devastated if we did this. As much as I still love the idea of a romantic elopement with just my FI, it's really not worth it to crush my family in this way. So we regrouped and approached my family with the idea of having an intimate immediate family-only wedding this September, with a reception in December. My mom liked this better, but now she really wants to throw a larger reception immediately following the wedding. She's really excited about this, and although the idea was kind of off-putting at first, it's actually really grown on me. 

My concern, though, it that because the reception will directly follow the ceremony, people might be offended that they haven't been invited to the ceremony as well. I guess I'm worried people will be confused why they're being invited to a reception, but not to the ceremony on the same day.

Given our circumstances, this actually does makes sense (or so I think): we're having a Friday wedding, and the ceremony will take place in the late afternoon, so most people couldn't make it without leaving work early (the reception will be in the evening, so people won't have a problem attending that). Also, my FI and I are really private and don't like being the center of attention, and we've wanted an intimate ceremony because we feel most comfortable exchanging vows in front of our nearest and dearest, rather than a larger crowd. We also are looking at a ceremony venue that caps the guest list at 30. We love the venue and thought the cap was totally fine when we originally came up with the idea about an intimate family wedding. 

What do you think, bees? Has anyone done something like this before, or been to a wedding like this? If you think this is OK, do you have any advice about invitations and such? I'm hopeful that since we're still having a pretty small reception (probably no more than 75 people), we can actually spread the word amongst our guests, so no one is caught off guard, and we can explain to them why we're doing this. But my FI and I are still undecided because we really don't want to hurt or offend our guests, so any feedback and advice on this would be greatly appreciated!

I am in this exact same position! My FI and I wanted a small intimate ceremony as well. My ceremony venue will hold about 40 people- I have already booked it so there is really no going back now. I have a HUGE family, our total guests are estimated at about 120-130 people for the reception, which will be after the ceremony later that day.

I have stressed about this so much throughout my Wedding planning. I am afraid I will offend the people that will not be invited to the ceremony and I am sure that will happen. But, bottom line- I try not to worry about what others are going to think because you will never please everyone.

The most important thing is that you do things the way you want them to be done. Weddings have become too much about what the family wants and too little about what the bride and groom want.

Good luck with your planning and decision.

Thanks so much for the feedback! I know that people get offended when they're invited to the ceremony and not the reception, so I wanted to check if the same would happen in the opposite situation. I'm glad to hear people are understanding, and I totally agree--the reception is the most fun!

FallBride100111 I am so glad to hear that I am not the only bride doing this! Thanks so much for sharing about your experience. And I totally agree with you: ultimately, it's about what my FI and I want, and we both feel like an intimate ceremony and a larger reception is exactly what we want. It gives us the best of both worlds--a private declaration of our commitment to one another and a fun party to celebrate with our family and friends. And thankfully, our families are very excited about this option, which is a big plus. I'm feeling so much better about our decision now, so thanks again for sharing. I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful!

Thanks so much for the positive feedback, ladies! I'm feeling so much better about moving forward with this plan now. 

@dodgercpkl Would you mind telling me a little bit about your invitations, i.e. how you worded the reception-only invitations? I have a few ideas, but if you have advice to pass on, I'd love to hear it!

@dodgercpkl Thanks so much for sharing! This is really helpful! And your reception-only invite looks EXACTLY like what I envision sending out. I'm also going to spread the news by word of mouth (another benefit of keeping the reception guest list down and only inviting people who I would actually talk to about this decision), as well as add information about the ceremony being intimate and family-only to my wedding website. Thanks again so much! This is amazing!