Etiquette Question – Relative became ill before Invites were sent

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes, send the invitation.  You can’t not send the invitiation if you send a save-the-date.  If she is not well enough to travel to your wedding, let her (or her primary care giver) decline the invitation.

It might also be nice to send a note along with it wishing her well, explaining that you’d love to see her at the wedding but do understand that her health is more important.

Post # 4
8282 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you know for certain that she can’t go, I wouldn’t send an invite. It looks like you’re asking for a gift. I’d go visit with her too so you can mention how you completely understand why she can’t make it. 

Post # 5
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i would still send an invite.  i was in a similar situation for my first wedding with my grandma.  i knew she wouldn’t be coming but she was so thrilled that she received an invitation.  it made her feel like she wasn’t left out.


Post # 6
6959 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@smurphy0806:  I would send the invite with a handwritten note saying “I’m so sorry to hear you’re not doing well. We hope you’ll be able to make it, but if now know we’ll be thinking of you.”

Post # 7
1644 posts
Bumble bee

First things first. Put your invitations aside, and get out the pretty tasteful notecards you got for writing thank-you notes (unless they are pre-emblazoned with the word “Thank-you”, in which case go get some that are not) and write:

Dear Aunty Medea,

I am so sorry to hear of your ill health, but very glad that you are doing well now, and looking forward to hearing good news as you recover. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

your loving niece,

Put that in an envelope, and mail it to her nursing home. Now no-one can accuse you of being clueless about her health, and you have written a basic civilized note of compassion which etiquette requires of kind-hearted well-reared ladies whether they are in the middle of planning a wedding or not.

Then go back to addressing your invitations. Address one to Aunty Medea, if only to show that you really truly do belive in her future recovery and you really truly are glad that she is doing OK.

Post # 8
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@aspasia475:  This.

There were a few family members we knew would be unable to attend, we sent invites anyways. Not to be gift grabby or to rub in their face, but to let them know we loved them and wished they were going. Each of them was precluded with a note/call inquiring about health/job/pregnancy/ect that was stopping them from attending. 

Post # 9
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@smurphy0806:  I know it sounds callous but is she still aware enough to know who you are and that you are getting married?  If so, send her an invite and let her decide.  If not, then there is no need to send her one.

Post # 10
69 posts
Worker bee

She is probably feeling pretty down. I think it would be a nice gesture to invite her. It will make her feel good that she is included. Maybe add a personalized note saying you are thinking of her.

Post # 11
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

@aspasia475:  I continue to love all your responses. 

That is all.

Post # 13
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@smurphy0806:  I’d still send the invite as a way to show you’re still thinking of her.  Is there any way you could deliver it in person?  Might be a nice touch, and is much easier to explain to your aunt that you completely understand that she may not be able to attend, and if that’s the case maybe you can bring something from your special day to her after the day is over … like sharing your wedding video (if you’re having one), or wedding photos with her afterwards.  Gives her something to look forward to, and give you two some time together.

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