Post # 1
(A little background) So originally we wanted a small wedding. I was thinking 75 people tops…this has ballooned into 180+ so incredibly quickly. Mostly attributed to my fiance’s ginormous family and my parents ginormous friend list. (Our parents are paying for a large chunk of the wedding, so I feel as if I have no say over the people they want invited.) More people coming just means more stress and a tighter budget, I’m really bummed about it. I thought planning would be really fun, but it’s just stressful. I wanted to make little jam favors, but I’m not willing to make over a hundred of them! I wanted to do a buffet with heavy hor’dourves, but now with all these people coming there’s not enough room or money so we can’t do that either. I don’t know or care about the majority of people coming now 🙁 It’s really too late to do anything about it other than pray that everyone won’t come. (Our venue only holds 150 people tops!)
(My Question) My 21 year old cousin got this girl pregnant and they now have a one year old. He lives with his girlfriend, but they both live at her mother’s house. Does this count as living together? I know that you have to give a plus one to everyone who’s married, engaged, or living together. Does this count? Sometimes they break up and he stays with friends…What do you think? Do I have to invite her? We’re not having children at the wedding, so their baby isn’t invited…If I do have to invite her, should I send them a seperate invitation from his parents (My aunt and uncle)
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think you need to invite her, and they should on a separate invitation from his parents, whom they don’t even live with. Like it or not, he’s an adult.
Post # 4
Yes. It counts. They are most definitely a social unit — just because they don’t have the money to live on their own does not mean you get to judge their relationship as less worthy. Sorry, you have to invite her.
ETA: and yes, anyone over the age of 18 gets their own invite (per social unit) no matter their address.
Post # 5
Oh, man. That is awesome.
I think you do have to invite her (sorry), with a seperate invitation from the parents (sorry again).
Post # 6
Yes, that “counts”. They have been together almost 2 years so I would invite her even if they weren’t living together. And yes, they should get a separate invite.
Also, I would strongly suggest against inviting 180+ when your venue only holds 150. That’s just a recipe for disaster.
Post # 7
I kind of knew that I had to invite her, but I just wanted to make sure. It seems so unfair that our wedding should be a celebration with our nearest and dearest, but somehow all of these strangers took up all the spots. I’m not even close with my cousins, but I felt like I HAD to invite them. I wish I could go back in time and just invite who I want and not care, but it’s too late and my parents have already been talking to the family and their friends about it. I just feel like it’s not even about us anymore…and I don’t want all of these strangers looking at me. I’m only inviting 16 friends…
Post # 8
@abbybee: wait, he had a child with the girlfriend he’s living with? You def need to invite her, they’re in a relationship and she’s the mother of his child.
Post # 9
Yes! It would be the most inappropriate thing to do if you didn’t.
I can’t believe this is a real post… What do you have against her? It’s not your place to be concerned over whether they break up whenever they do and however often they do…or let alone where he sleeps.
As for all the other guest stress. Have your invites gone out yet? It’s never too late. You shouldn’t have people you don’t care for at your wedding.
You also mentioned your parents are paying…so, how are you so stressed about your budget getter larger? This doesn’t make sense to me.
I feel as though there is so much more behind this ‘story’.
Post # 10
OP’s concern is that so many people are going to be there that she doesn’t know. OP, your query is legitimate. It sounds like you need to invite this girl. As for the guests you hardly know, is there any chance your parents can decide a proportion of them to invite as opposed to all?
Post # 11
I’m so sorry that you feel there are too many strangers at your wedding :/ Have you sent out invites yet? Did you already send out Save the Dates? Maybe you can still change it back to how you want it.
Mine ballooned into something I didn’t want either. I wanted an intimate wedding and we ended up inviting 300 people. I was so upset right up until the wedding. However, everyone was so nice! They were all truly excited to see me get married because they knew my parents well. I barely even noticed that there were people I didn’t know well. I was too busy with my friends and close family (after greeting all the guests that I didn’t know very well) that I didn’t really notice that there were a bunch of people that I didn’t know well.
So even if it’s too late to change, you will have a great day with the people you love regardless of if there are some people you don’t know.
Post # 12
A family member of mine got married. I had been with SO for 5 years at that point. We were living together. She didn’t like SO. It was a subtle, catty type of thing, but I was aware of it.
She e-mailed me a week before the wedding to tell me I couldn’t bring him because she couldn’t afford a plate for him, and “we weren’t married”. She did invite some of her friend’s SO’s and the husbands of all family members. I discovered the friend’s and their SO’s when I arrived at the wedding. I wasn’t even sure about going after that e-mail, to be honest. Once I was there, I really wished I hadn’t bothered attending.
Two years later it’s still a sore spot for me, and I feel like I disrespected my SO by attending despite him having no desire to go to her wedding.
Moral of the story? Invite her.
Post # 13
You guys are super right. I called my aunt and apologized and extended the invitation to his girlfriend. Even thought I don’t know her, I get that they’re a social unit so I have to. I wouldn’t go to a wedding if my Fi wasn’t invited too. Thanks for the advice 🙂