Etiquette – rude aunty and uncle? Wedding dilemma!

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we invite my aunt and uncle to our wedding?
    No way - they showed that you aren't a priority to them by not calling/showing up at party : (2 votes)
    6 %
    Yes - STDs are sent and you have to invite them out of etiquette : (26 votes)
    76 %
    Maybe - speak with them and explain feelings/dilemma : (6 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I wouldn’t invite them especially since your paying for their meals. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    213 posts
    Helper bee

    You already essentially invited them by sending a save the date. To not invite them now would be like un inviting them. If you’re concerned they won’t show up, have a carefully worded chat with them (“I was hurt that you didn’t come to our engagement party after you said you would”…etc). 

    Post # 4
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I would invite them, especially since you have a good relationship with them, to not invite them after you have sent them a STD would only damage it. But I would talk to them about your concerns about them RSVPing yes but not showing.

    Post # 5
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Firehouse Restaurant

    As for your situation by sending a save the date it is implied they are invited. I could see why you wouldn’t want to invite them though. One of my bridesmaids and groomsmen (married couple) did show up to my engagement party even though they both said they were coming. I text my friend and hour and a half before the party and she said she forgot and picked up a shift at work. That irritated me. Her husband (one of the groomsmen) said he would be there and he never called us to say he wasn’t coming. Apparently he had to get up early the next day which I thought was BS because my FI had to get up at 4am the next day. Overall, I was dissapointed at the both of them and hope that as wedding related events pop up they won’t continue to flake. Otherwise, I might have to reconsider my weddng party.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7410 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Was it rude of them to not show up with no call or text, yes of course. But I think that not inviting them to the wedding is kind of petty. Unfortunately some people would rank an engagement or birthday party as not as serious/formal event that a wedding is and probably wouldn’t give a no show a second thought. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    missopal:  Not going to your engagement party was rude, but to retaliate by not inviting them to the wedding is an overreaction, IMO. Because a wedding is a more important event than an engagement party. Also, the fallout could be worse if you don’t invite them.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1609 posts
    Bumble bee

    I understand that you’re annoyed they didn’t show up, but writing family members out of your wedding seems to be an extreme reaction. Maybe they couldn’t come because something horrible that they didn’t want to share happened, so they covered with a lame excuse? If these people are chronic no-shows, work into your budget to cover their plate. No-shows occur at almost every wedding, and while I agree it’s rude, it’s part of life.

    Post # 9
    Member
    642 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Honestly, prepare yourself for your wedding day – you are going to have people RSVP “yes” and not show up. After you’ve already paid for their seats. We had about 15 people not show up after they had RSVP’d yes. It’s been 6 months since our wedding, and we’ve only heard from one of those couples – and only because the guy was a groomsman in the same wedding I was a bridesmaid in 6 weeks after our wedding and he basically had to say something. Guess what – it was a lame excuse then too, but it’s not my business.

    People do have things going on in their lives that they don’t always want to share with the world, family or not. I understand you’re upset they didn’t show for your engagement party, but I think it’s a little petty to consider not inviting them to the wedding. Especially if, other than not showing, relationships are good between you and them.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3713 posts
    Sugar bee

    I hear you, about aunts and uncles! My daughter’s were married in 2013 an 2014. The one in 2013 had 248 guests respond, out of 250 invited. The two that didn’t were an uncle and his wife. They never even sent so much as a congratulatory e-mail (quick and free). Since the 2014 wedding’s venue was half the size as the 2013, that uncle/aunt weren’t even invited. (My girls only have 2 aunt/uncle couples, to begin with).

    I think you should talk to your venue about it. I do think they need to be invited and included in the seating chart, but you can probably get by with not inclulding them in your final numbers, to the venue. They usually state that they will have ready an additional 5% of your final number meals (or something like that?), so they’ll be fed if they do show up. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I do not want to be an “Itoldyouso” but this is why I think STDs should be limited.   You can send a handwritten letter to your parents/grandparents and any very close friends not in wedding party and email out of town guests with date.  

    Post # 12
    Member
    1062 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Invite them, but speak to them on the side about whether or not they will be in attendance. I agree with PABride about excluding your aunt and uncle from the final head count that’s due to the venue. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1583 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I’d invite them.

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