Etiquette rules–who gets a +1??

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: In terms of etiqutte, who should get a +1?
    Nobody. : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Only the bridal party. : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Bridal party, plus guests that are married. : (7 votes)
    6 %
    Bridal party, married guests, and any guests in a long-term relationship. : (68 votes)
    62 %
    Every adult. : (22 votes)
    20 %
    Everybody. : (4 votes)
    4 %
    Other. : (7 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee

    It might be totally correct, but I would say anyone in long term/ serious/ cohabitation relationships should get a plus one.  For our wedding we took the stance of “every adult” but I don’t think that is the rule generally speaking.

    Post # 4
    Member
    11002 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Etiquette only requires you to invite the significant others of those who are married, engaged, or living together (the latter only because etiquette presumes that couples who live together are secretly married, even though most people know that they are not.)

    Etiquette also says that no one should receive a “plus one.” Rather, couples who are married or living together should receive invitations addressed to both of them at their address.  Engaged couples who reside separately should receive invitations addressed to their individual addresses.

    For anyone else to whom you would like to extend the privilege of bringing a guest, you should contact the guest and ask him or her the name and address of the person he or she would like to invite and then send a separate invitation to that individual.

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    1180 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m giving +1s to married guests, guests in long-term relationships, and the one or two people I invited that know absolutely no one. My other single guests without +1s have a lot of family and/or friends in attendance so they won’t feel awkward.

    Post # 6
    Member
    193 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think it should be either every adult OR every adult in a relationship. That said, I committed a faux pas as far as my own rule with my own guest list, because we have one guest coming from another country who doesn’t know anyone at the wedding and isn’t in a relationship, so we gave him a plus one because a) who wants to travel that far alone and b) who wants to go to a wedding where they only know the bride and groom and literally no one else.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    People who are married, engaged, living togethor or long term relationship (for the last two, as long as not married to someone else). 

    Post # 8
    Member
    5460 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We invited, by name, both parties of a social unit (if they considered themselves ‘in a relationship’ at the time of invitations being sent) and we extended +1s to the single members of the wedding party, as well as anyone who had to travel to be there.

    Post # 9
    Member
    10748 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Every adult got one for us. I just think that’s appropriate and it would be rude not to extend that to everyone, even if they are single. Most single people just declined for the guest anyway. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Every adult in a relationship.  It is not up to me to put arbitrary labels on how “serious” their relationship is.  IE together X amount of months/years, living together etc.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2054 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    We are giving a plus one to everyone in an official relationship at the time of sending out invitations ie. they call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. We will be inviting everyone by name.

    I really think it depends what people can afford though – as long as you follow Brielle’s rule of married/engaged/living together as a minimum, I think that’s fine. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    We’re doing bridal party, married or engaged, and any friends that won’t know a single soul there except us (I have a few like this and I would feel bad not allowing them to bring someone). That covers almost everyone coming to our wedding. FI has a few single friends that are not part of the BP and not in relationships that he didn’t feel like needed a plus one because they’d already have a lot of friends there.

    Post # 13
    Member
    852 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Oh dear…. pandora’s box has been opened…..

    YOU WILL GET A TON OF DIFFERENT ANSWERS TO THIS QUESTION…… AND A TON OF DIFFERENT ETTIQUETTE RESOURCES WILL BE UTILIZED…..

    Here is my opinion: Answer these two questions first…….

    • how much can you afford to spend on this wedding?
    • how many people can your venue hold?

    Then in my opinion it should be

    • all married guests
    • guests that are engaged or in long term relationships
    • then other- i really do not agree with the notion that the bridal party should automatically be given a plus one.  Sometimes plus ones for the bridal party serve as a major distraction……..

    Post # 14
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I believe everyone out of high school should get a plus 1, so in other words, all adults.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1259 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Everyone who is married or in a serious relationship. That’s what we did with ours. Also, a few of FI’s single buddies got +1s cause it felt rude not to.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2642 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Anyone who considers themselves in a relationship (ie if they call each other bf/gf) should get a +1.  It is not up to you to judge the seriousness of the relationship.

    Members of the bridal party should be allowed a date as well.  BP members often do a lot for the couple and spend more money than the average guest.  Therefore, the least you can do is allow them a date if it will make them happy.

    It’s also polite (though not required) to give those guests travelling or who will not know anyone else at the wedding a +1.  

    Now, traditional etiquette does say that you only need to invite SO’s of those married, engaged, or living together.  As PP said, you invite the SOs of those living together because it is assumed they are secretly married.  However, this rule is EXTREMELY outdated as many, many couples live together before they are married and it is no longer automatically assumed that said couple is secretly married or has any intention of even getting married.  Thus, going by that rule creates a myraid of sticky situations.  If you have 2 couples that have been dating for a year but one lives together and the other does not, it is not exactly fair to automatically invite the one couple together but not the other.  Perhaps the second couple doesn’t live together because of religious, financial, or logistical reasons.  Is it really fair to deny a guest a +1 because they choose not to live together?  

    Finally, I always find it hypocritical for a bride and groom to invite other people to come witness and celebrate their love and relationship, but then completely ignore the relationships of those guests by not inviting SO’s.

     

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