Etiquette Schmetiquette

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: SO tell me how you really feel about Etiquette
    I love it! and base my decisions accordingly : (41 votes)
    18 %
    There are some 'rules' important to me : (117 votes)
    51 %
    I do not follow any particular etiquette rules just went with what felt right to "us" : (66 votes)
    29 %
    My wedding is 100% Etiquette free : (4 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

    I really dislike etiquette sometimes. Its so upheld in the US weddings its ridiculous. People should be free to do what they want not to adhere to some stupid rule which if some people follow to the letter will end up pretty miserable. I think guidelines are good but to think people talk about you because “oh my goodness … you put this persons name on this invitation when it should be on this invitation” is pathetic

    Post # 4
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    The reason so much talk about etiquette surrounds weddings is that for most people, their wedding is the only formal event they’ll ever host.  Therefore, all the rules and regulations of a formal event, which are not familiar to most people, are discussed and [attempted to be] followed.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    I love it.  It makes life so much easier. 

     

    Everytime I see one of these posts it makes me laugh a little, because typically people who are all boo hoo etiquette sucks are also the ones to post about how rude so and so was for RSVPing for extra guests or something similar. 

     

    The only rules people don’t seem to like are not charging guests for hospitality, not asking for gifts, ones that directly impact them, etc. 

    Also most people who hate etiquette don’t even know what “rules” are etiquette, and which are simply traditions, or are not etiquette.  Already mentioned in this thread, that so and so’s name goes on the invitation.  All etiquette says is that the host is listed.  Not that parents must go on, etc.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2169 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    A mix for me.  My parents are paying for our wedding, but mum thinks it doesn’t look right to have just their names on the invites, so we’re having both (I love it).  I’m keen to do “something old/something new”… when I suggested asking my grandma if she could lend me my something old or something borrowed, my mum practically screwed up her nose (as much as you can on a phone call! haha) and said quite pointedly that she didn’t do that tradition at her wedding.  Do i care?  Nope, I’d like to do it for myself, she doesn’t get a say in that one 😛

    I’m all for being flexible and chopping & changing for what suits us and what we want to incorporate.

    Post # 9
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it’s really silly that ppl who (for the most part) could care less about etiquette in their daily lives suddenly become miss manners when they are planning a wedding. It makes one look and sound like a hypocrite. It’s actually a huge pet peeve of mine. I’m a nice person (I think lol) and I follow basic common sense societal rules, but I am no means an ‘etiquette snob’ (for lack of a better term) in my day to day life. So why would I suddenly become one for my wedding?! It’s just silly.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @NearlyMrsRad:  It’s like apostrophes.  Some people think it’s nitpicking; others think it’s the most important thing EVAR.  

    Post # 11
    Member
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I voted the “what felt right” option.

    I’m Aussie & not from a very well-off/formal background at all. So a lot of the higher-end etiquette stuff on here is something of a novelty to me I guess (not that Australians don’t do etiquette, just that some of our traditions seem different to the US stuff on here)…

    I’ve just always strived to be gracious & thankful & use good manners in all parts of life… I’m sure I’ve done/will do things that would horrify the etiquette queens here, but whatevs. I’m not hosting the queen & I don’t think I ever will be!

    Post # 13
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    @NearlyMrsRad:  To me it makes it easier, because people know what to expect.  I know that if I get an invitation with just my name, that only I am invited, then I accept or decline as I see fit.  That if I get an invitation that it between 5-7 pm that a dinner will be served, and that I needn’t eat before I go.

    Can you give me an example of it making life more difficult? 

    Post # 14
    Member
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    When it comes to my wedding… I’m a rebel haha. If etiquette or tradition feels wrong or makes life harder (for me or anyone else) I toss it right out the window. I think there’s WAAAY too much emphasis on it in wedding planning. I’m very… do what you want, if anyone gets THAT upset about where you put your spoons or the wording of your invitation, that’s their crazy priority problem not yours. 

    To borrow from MST3K… “It’s just a [wedding], you should really just relax.”

    Post # 15
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    It’s not for me. I can’t relax if I am having to worry about which fork I’m supposed to eat with or how exactly I should word my invites. I am that bride who wanted to serve sack lunches 5th grade field trip style but my maid-of-honor said it was trashy. Sigh.

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