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Ettiquette Question: Couple is engaged now, but will be married at our wedding

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
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    1.
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    Bumble bee
    Mrs. Louboutin    July 2010  

    How do I address the envelope to an engaged couple who live together who will only be engaged when our invitations are sent out, but will be married at the time of our wedding?

    Do I address it to them now as Ms. GirlFirstName Last Name & Mr. GuyFirstName LastName or Mr. and Mrs. GuyFirstName LastName?

    Thanks ladies!

    Also, for unmarried couples who live together, do you always list the woman's name first or do you list the person who you have a closer relationship with first?

     
    2.
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    marlew    October 23, 2010   Ajax, Ontario

    I have this issue with a number of people coming to our wedding.  I'm address it to Mr. First Last & Ms. First Last, but for the seating cards and everything I'm putting Mr & Mrs because they will be married at that point.

    I'm curious what other people say about the last one..I am wondering about that too.  At this point I'm putting the person I'm closer with (or know..since I don't know some of the SO's) first.

     
    3.
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    I think you should write out the invitation as they are when you invite them.  I don't think it's right to use her married name until she is married.  For unmarried couples, I think etiquette says the man should go first but I'm not completely sure.

     
    4.
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    Mrs. Louboutin    July 2010  

    @marlew - That is what I was planning to do too, but our invitations are going to the calligrapher this week, so now I'm starting to rethink some things... I can't seem to find any sort of hard and fast rule on this. 

    @MissAsB - Thanks! 

     
    5.
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    Blushing bee
    Yumi87    June 19, 2010   WA

    I would list the woman's maiden name. 

    As for who to put first. It depends on if the person is closest to you. If it is the woman, put her name first. If it is the man, put his name first. I would be offended if one of my friends that I have known for years put my FI's name first when they don't have a close relationship.

    However, as far as etiquette goes, I have no idea. 

     
    6.
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    mrsmdphd    April 17, 2009  

    Yes, definitely put her maiden name on the invitation...I'd be kind of bummed to get an invite with my married name on it when I wasn't married yet.  Kind of takes the special out of it!  I'm not sure on the etiquette of who to list first, but with my invites, I listed the member of the couple we were closest to.  If we were equally close to them both, I listed the woman first.  

     
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    Helper bee
    gibsonkk    July 17, 2010   Columbus, Ohio

    I addressed some of our save the dates as "The Soon To Be Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" haha for fun!

     
    8.
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    Busy bee
    andreaandchinelo    09/04/2009   dc

    yeah I addressed invites like those as "The Future Mr. and Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName" ...they loved it :)

     
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    chicagobride092010    January 2010   Canada

    Be careful using the "married" name unless you're sure that she is planning to change her name.  I would be offended by being addressed as Mr. and Mrs. Fiance's Name.

     
    10.
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    scissors    June 19, 2010   Atlanta, Ga

    Invite now with unmarried names, and then if you're doing placecards and what-not, later put her married name on there.

     
    11.
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    scissors    June 19, 2010   Atlanta, Ga

    Oh, and etiquette says that the female's name goes first.

     

    http://www.crane.com/etiquette.aspx?C=WeddingEtiquette&S=Addressing_Envelopes&I=Unmarried_Couples_Living_Together

     
    12.
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    Buzzing bee
    eeniebeans    October 9, 2010   Baltimore

    Good question!

     
    13.
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    Bumble bee
    neontl    April 2011   Seattle, WA

    If they live together (not yet married), you will place their names on two separate lines, addressing each person.

    Ms. What's Her Name

    Mr. What's His Name

    Address...

     
    14.
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    spaniel    March 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    Use their names as they are when you invite them (not married name). I had heard to put the woman's name first, but I've also heard that they should be in alphabetical order!

    We had a few of those; we just updated the name for the placecards if we knew anyone was changing their name.

     
    15.
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    Buzzing bee
    vintage2010    April 10, 2010  

    I did their names as they were at the time of the STDs then some were married when I got around to the wedding invites and so I changed it for those.

    I however, am getting married in a few days :) and just got an invitation in the mail to a wedding and they put my married name.  Which I was fine with because I know that they thought we wouldn't get the invitation until we got back.

     
    16.
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    Sugar bee
    clarebee    August 21, 2010   Vienna, VA (wedding in Greensboro, GA)

    I would use her maiden name.

    As far as the order I personally would do it the person I was closer to first regardless if they were male or female.ANd I don't really care about the etiquette on this one!

     
    17.
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    Busy bee
    AprilBride10    April 17, 2010   New York, NY

    I would use her maiden name for the invite, and her married name for the placecards.  And Scissors is right, the woman's name always comes first on an invitation. 

    Also - for a married couple where the woman keeps her name, you indicate marriage by "and" ie - Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe.  An unmarried couple would be invited with their names on separate lines.

     
    18.
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    Buzzing bee
    flamingred    June 19, 2010  

    The woman goes first always.

     

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