(Closed) eugh. fight with fi during sex

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

what i want to say is “do you give a damn about turning me on, or are you only thinking of yourself and what you like to do?”

This. Sit him down in a situation outside of intimate-time, and be confrontational, and clearly explain your frustration, feelings, and level of sensitivity.

Post # 4
65 posts
Worker bee

Put hand sanitizer on your nipples, that stuff tastes terrible.  OR, find something he hates and do it all the time (oh hi, teeth).

No but seriously, the next time he does it I would just get up, throw on your clothes, and go do something else in another room.  Talking to him doesn’t seem to have any effect, but that might.

Post # 5
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Ivorybuttons:  +1

Outside of the situation and when you’re both calm is definitely the best time to talk about this. Make sure you make the “instant mood killer” impact clear. 

Post # 6
5967 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

YIKES!!!  That sounds like a major owie!  And I think it’s a huge bummer that all went down like it did for you guys…

If it’s any consolation…I can be fairly certain that he’s not trying to hurt you, at all…chemically men and women’s responses to sexual stimulation are very different, and while he may be a calm and mild mannered person, they all have a little bit of animal in there somewhere…

I would imagine that getting you excited, gets him excited (good!) and when that happens, a surge of testosterone floods his system and literally numbs his whole body…except for one part…so he’s going to loose his sense of what is gentle and what isn’t, a little bit, which is why a lot of men really like to get rowdy as things progress, it feels better to them because their nerves are drowning in an agent that makes them shut down.

If it were me, I would talk abut this with him later, when you’re both calm and let him know what you like, and how it feels…and then make it REAL easy for him….next time you two get into the ring, leave your bra on, or a shirt, roll it up, let him at the girls, when it gets too rowdy, shirt goes down, let’s focus somewhere else..real clear signal, no fighting required, you are in control…would that work?

Post # 7
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow, they really are sensitive. I think your husband justs gets over excited and in the moment but doesn’t realize he’s touching (hands or mouth) so hard til it’s to late. Other than trying to talk to him again or use an anology he can understand. When I give my husband anology’s is usually when he gets it and says “Oh, now I understand”. Maybe tell him “My nipples are so extremely sensitive it’s like me trying to touch the tip of your _____ (what ever you like to call it) right after you climax” Maybe he’ll then say “Oh, now I get it”.

If not, wear pasties!!

Post # 8
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

gentle way and nonconfrontational” isn’t working. 

Seriously, your message isn’t getting across; I know this time you were frustrated, which isn’t better, but you’ve got to move past your “gentle” conversations about it because clearly he doesn’t understnad what a big issue this is for you.  Talking BEFORE you get down and dirty will help, because when it’s reactionary he gets defensive because you’re literally telling him “you’re not doing it right!” Instead talk about it when you’re completely neutral and explain how it feels and what you’d prefer, be sure to point out what he does RIGHT along with what you don’t like because then it’s a conversation, not a criticism. 


And when in doubt– @Ill Be Mrs B:  +1 to the pasties!!! Wink

Post # 10
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Rub deodorant on your nipples 😉 That’ll teach him.

Post # 12
65 posts
Worker bee

I triple dog dare you.  What have you got to lose!? 🙂

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