Post # 1
Fi and I alternate holidays and since last year we spent Christmas in London, this year we’re staying in Mexico with his family
He announced yesterday that instead of staying for 4-5 days as planned (Sat-wednesday) he wants to leave on friday and stay until january 1st. I dont work so i have no valid reason why i dont want to go….but his hometown is so so dull. theres nothing there (no shops, no cinema or anything, its just a church and supermarket). When we’re there, we just sit in his house or sit at the ranch. Normally after 3 days im dying to head back. how am i going to survive 10 days?!
10 days…no TV (well, none in English), pretty much no internet as it doesnt work. and constant conversations in spanish which i find quite exhausting as im far far from fluent and to vaguely follow whats going on takes intense concentration
i know im being selfish, and im hiding it from fi (apart from an involuntary eye widening when he first mentioned the ten days)
i know compromise is important with a relationship. so im venting here in the hopes that ill get it out of my system and it wont be as horribly dull as i expect it will be
Post # 3
@newname_99: That would drive me nuts, too, honestly. 10 days! That is quite a long time to be away from home, I’d hate it in a place that had nothing to do but sit around with the IL’s, even though mine are great, that would be sssooo boring. Not to mention you don’t speak the language. You’re not being selfish at all, you’re being really sweet about it.
Is there a way you can spend part of the time with your Fiance traveling to another area that’s more entertaining? If not, I’d bring a ton of books, dvd’s, etc., to help pass the time. Or try to spend it learning the language to make it more interesting, lol. 🙂 Maybe learn some new recipes! Cooking is always fun.
Post # 4
He just decided this? You don’t get any input? That doesn’t seem fair.
Post # 5
Post # 6
@Sunfire: Its partly that im used to living alone with fi, and then i go from my house with my own way of doing things to being a guest in someone elses house. Eating what my inlaws decide we’ll eat, doing what they decide we’ll do etc etc
worse still, fi tends to go off for an entire day with his dad to help out at the ranch etc, so if his mum is working or busy…im just sitting alone in his parents house.
after my eyes widened a bit, fi mentioned that we’d spent the same amount of time visiting my family last year…but i mean, we went into london frequently, did an overnight trip to edinburgh and then my parents took us to the ice hotel in sweden. really dont think theres a comparison!
at least i have my kindle. so that plus dvds might help kill some time. the whole thing is just depressing
Post # 7
@newname_99: Can you not spend a few days at a resort? I’m sorry – this would drive me crazy, too.
Post # 8
@Sunfire: “Is there a way you can spend part of the time with your Fiance traveling to another area that’s more entertaining?”
I think that’s a really good idea. Depending on where their town is perhaps you can do little day trips to other areas for sight seeing? Or maybe you can cut down the trip to the in-laws to 6-7 days and visit somewhere else in Mexico for a few nights; you can suggest an interesting area near by and suggest working that into your trip.
Post # 9
@newname_99: I would be super annoyed if I was you too. Epecially about the no english tv..I would die of boredom! How about bringing some movies with you or a tv series on dvd to watch while you are there..or a few good books. It does suck that you dont get a say in this at all but I guess because you spent the last holiday with your parents he thinks it is ok
Post # 10
Aww! That does sound like it’ll be very boring and frustrating. Do you do any kind of crafts at all? I remember when I used to spend long, boring winter breaks from college at my parents’ house, I’d bring a bunch of knitting supplies or origami paper and work on a big project to keep occupied. It’s also a good excuse for a little alone time when all the togetherness becomes overwhelming – just be like, “Going to go work on that scarf I’m making! See y’all in a bit!”
Are day trips an option? Maybe spend a day at the beach or something like that?
Post # 11
@oneofthesethings: previously his work committments had meant we’d only have thr 4-5 days which i was cool with
thing is, when he told me we could stay longer, it wasnt so much a “ive decided we will stay longer”….it was a “woohoo!! great news! i dont have to work so we can stay longer with my family”. and whilst i did suggest that was quite a long time,i was making an effort to avoid saying something along the lines of “thats my worst nightmare” =S
i mean, other than saying i think it will be uber boring, i dont know how to say i want to spend less time without ruining his excitment. generally he cant get back home for more than 4 days at a time as his parents live in the next state and normally he is working so for him…this is an incredible awesmoe thing. ten whole days! hurrah!
Post # 12
I totally get being in one place and craving the pleasures of another, but falling in love with a place and the people in it takes time…avail yourself to it and you might just surprise yourself.
There’s this magical thing about being the odd one out at gatherings like this…no one is paying attention to you! Which means, you can pretty much come and go as you like, and no one is going to notice, at all. I would make sure to have my ipod loaded with awesome music, treat myself to morning and afternoon walks with my tunes, take in the scenery, people watch and generally enjoy the sensation of just being there. Charge your camera, see what kind of interesting pictures you get, maybe a travelogue album for your honey when you get home, showing him the things you saw while you were there would be a cool thing for you both.
And finally, this is my soundest and best advice, so take it and remember it always…when it doubt, go for the oldest yet still with it person in the room. Odds are good they know more about life than you’ve ever forgotten, are more patient, understanding and interesting than anyone else there and they will work harder to communicate with you because they value the interaction more. Trust me, you’ll be the shining star of the visit if you and abuela have your afternoon tea & talk sessions away from the rest of the fam…and you might gain more comfort with the language…you know?
Either way, super big hugs & lots of luck!
Post # 13
@Happy2bMrs: sadly, they live in rthe middle of nowhere. its a 5 hour drive from our house, and 2 hour drive from even a small city.its possible to get to the US after a 3.5 hour drive, but i think with the holidays the immigration queue would be a nightmare. last year we crossed border just after holidays and i had to stand in queue for 6 hours
@KatieBklyn: actually i do have a knitting book and needles but i never actually got started. that could be kind of good actually!!
@Kit_Kath: ill double check the tourist info for the state and see if theres somewhere worth visiting, even if its along drive. im sure fi will want to invite his parents but at least it would be out of the house!!
Post # 14
@Nona99: i quite like this advice! i didnt see it before as it appeared while i was laboriously typing out my response to other bees last time(im clearly not designed to use a touch screen on a tablet rather than a keyboard, it takes an age to write anything whatsoever and is normally full of mistakes!). generally i can come and go without being very noticed. its a fine line betweeen trying to give fi a bit of family time without him worrying if im following/understanding and seeming like i’m avoiding everyone!
maybe ill try a bonding session with his grandmother! for some reason i can’t understand a word his father says so i tend to avoid him or smile and nod and hope its appropriate, but i *think* i can understand her. more or less. and she knows how to make pinatas so hopefully she can teach me!
have given myself a mental slap in the face. is it my perfect christmas no? but do i want to ruin it for my fi by acting like a bored spoilt brat – definitely no. and besides, the fact i can’t smoke in front of his family can only be good for my health!
Post # 15
My SO is mexican and I look forward to going to mexico this year. My advice; Keep busy! Lol. My SOs family is from Zacatecas and they live on a ranch. I love riding horses, learning to cook. Everything is always a party. Go sight see maybe? Not sure what youre limited to but make the best of it. 🙂
Post # 16
yay! I am glad that you are feeling better about it. I think that learning about his family and maybe getting a cooking lesson would be a huge plus too! Any one that learns his grandma’s special whatever is amazing and cooking is a universal language so it should be easier to communicate.
Plus the knitting and reading thing sound great- a week in a hopefully pretty country setting to hang out and read and relax. Maybe bring some spa type stuff (nailpolish, hair mask) and give yourself a little mini spa?