Post # 1
Okay bees – this isn’t, as my adorable FI calls it, me getting “worked up into a man-hating frenzy” (thank you, Guess Who for that quote lol)
Please forgive me for the following statement but – I did not want a wedding. I wanted to elope from day one. I’m completely Type A, detail oriented, and a planner and I just knew wedding planning would just magnify all these traits by 1000 times…and I would inevitably drive myself crazy.
BUT…FI has an enormous family and he could not see getting married without his family there. We’ve compromised and are now planning a very small, 50ish person wedding.
FI has been wonderful about the process; he looks at every link I’ve sent him, all the ideas, gives me his opinion on it all, and never tires of listening to speak of wedding things.
And here’s the second BUT…it’s always me! I’ve done all the research for the wedding, I’ve made the binder for it, I’ve calculated budgets, I’ve looked at possible vendors, unique ideas and they all just “magically” end up in his inbox. I know this is just a result of our separate personalities and the fact that I’m a planner naturally, but sometimes (like now) it just drives me nuts that he’s not doing anything on his own! He’s the one that wants the wedding, why can’t he do the planning for it????
*deep breath* okay, vent over. Thanks.
Post # 3
I know how you feel, I’ll spend hours researching something and Mr. Roux will glance at it and say ‘veto’. So the new rule is, that if you veto something you need to research and provide an alternative. Mostly this is too much effort for him and then my idea suddenly is ok, lol.
Post # 4
My SO doesnt say much about the wedding planning. Only that wanted to get married somewhere warm. He pretty much nos that he can say what ever he wants but its going to be what i want in the end
Post # 5
Roux that’s our rule too, it started with wedding planning, when I’d put all sorts of work into something and then he’d say “No, I don’t like it.” If you don’t like it, you better have an alternative! It’s something we do now with everything else.
Post # 6
Same here. FI has done very little, so when I ask him for an opinion or some help, it better be good! All he has to do is find something to wear and show up. Has he found something to wear yet? No. Oh and he wanted to plan the honeymoon. Who ended up doing it? One guess for you 😉
Have you told your FI that you’d like him to do a little more or is that a lost cause? What about asking your FMIL to help. I bet it would make her day!
Post # 7
I think the best thing you can do if you really want him to “do” something is to give him a specific task. Ask him to come up with the top 5 first dance songs. Something very specific that he can do and email to you.
Post # 8
Same here sorta, I spend tons and tons of hours doing research online and making phonecalls and sending out info request emails.. Then I showed him something and he just vetos it down;) He did himself come up with the idea of having to do some thinking/researching himself as well after shotting down some of my ideas hehe.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love doing the researching and planning – I am a more natural planner then he is, he just tends to go with the flow (which ain’t possible while planning a wedding though! :p)
Maybe you could try explain to FI that you’d love to involve him a little more in the planning process? Maybe he just doesn’t realize it.
Post # 9
I agree with the others who say you should talk to him. Perhaps “task him” with one or more very easy jobs, like suggesting music or deciding between 2 or 3 alternatives if you are trying to make a decision. I find giving deadlines also helps.
I also really like the practice of having him suggest an alternative (or at the very least describe why he doesn’t like it) if he says no to one of your ideas.