Post # 1
Maybe it’s just the 3rd trimester hormones that are getting to me right now. Baby is due in less than a month. I moved out of state about 2 years ago and husband and I are kind of alone out here. We have family from both sides planning to visit right when baby is born. My mom made it kind of adament that she doesn’t really want to be here for too long before baby is born and that she’d rather be here right after baby is born. For example, my due date is the 20th and she plans to fly in on the 21st. I’m kind of bummed that she doesn’t want to be here to help me through labor/delivery (especially since husband is working and may have trouble taking off the day I go into labor) but she seems to just want to be here to see the baby. I guess at least she asks me how I’m feeling whenever we talk on the phone. Now with the in-laws, I never notice them asking me how I am doing. They ask only how the baby is doing after we have doctor’s appointments. They are also planning on visiting right after baby is born which is fine with me because I wouldn’t want them with me for labor/delivery anyway. But still, I hear them ask how my husband is doing (he just got over a virus) and they tell him how they are praying for him and the baby every day. Ok, well what about me?! Do you think I am being overly sensitive? I am starting to feel bitter about it.
Post # 2
Over sensitive or not sometimes its just good to vent and get things out. I am sure it isn’t anything against you personally, babies are just really adorable and fragile and exciting! Also the ammount of people who actually go in to labor on their due date is incredibly low so the likely hood of you giving birth on the 20th is slim. Maybe your mom knows that and will end up being there for the birth anyway!
Post # 3
does she have a limited amount of time she can spend there? maybe she thinks it’ll be more useful for her to be there afterward, which it might be
Post # 4
In short, honestly they probably do care about seeing the baby more. They want to meet it, hold, and admire it. I kind of already expect both our families to be that way. They’ve seen you for so many years and are excited to meet this new person. Not saying it’s right, but that’s just how it usually is. When people visit at the hospital, most aren’t really there to see you, they’re there to see the baby. If I was your mom I’d probably do the same thing. She loves you of course, but is probably more excited to meet her grandchild. I’d try not to take any of it personally.
Post # 5
I don’t have any children myself, so I can’t really say whether or not you’re being overly sensitive, but have you tried telling your mom how you feel? I’m sure if you talked to her about the whole situation and let her know that you don’t feel like you’re getting the support you really need right now, she wait change her mind about waiting until after the baby is born to come and visit.
Post # 6
I think I would be hurt if people were asking about how DB and baby were doing but not me! You are still a person, not a baby incubator. If it makes you feel any better, I was at one point thinking how likely it is that if I am pregnant at Christmas DH will get awesome presents for *him* and I will get awesome presents for *baby* (which makes me feel bratty, I know that I am lucky to get presents at all, but still such a difference between men and women!) I hope your DH and friends at least still ask about you-as-an-individual? Did you move primarily for DH, for you, or was it completely joint? I am living somewhere because of my DH and it makes me feel isolated, so while most of the time I just make the best of it on occasion I am a bit bitter.
Post # 7
Maybe your mother is afraid of overstaying her welcome? Have you told her straight out that you’d like her there for the delivery? As for the in-laws , mine are like that too. I am just an incubator to them. I don’t care, I just don’t plan on having them over very often. (I’m going to be tired, grumpy and baby’s slept badly last night every time MIL wants to visit). If it bothers you though, talk to your husband about it.
Post # 8
If you’re feeling like this now, just prepare yourself for when the baby actually arrives. You will become completely irrelevant/invisible to pretty much everyone for the first few months (or 18 years…). Everyone who comes to visit will bypass you and go directly for the baby. Every conversation you have will be about the baby. Everyone’s whole world will revolve around the baby.
I just want you to be prepared. I think this (plus lack of sleep) is one of the main contributors to post partum depression, and it’s good to know what to expect.
DH and I had dinner at his grandma’s house on Sunday and while whole extended family were there. We walked in with the baby, handed him off, and didn’t see him or really talk to any other family for a good hour after we arrived. Everyone was huddled around him like he was the second coming. DH and I could have left, grabbed a drink, taken a long walk, and come back and no one would have noticed we were gone.
I never had a problem with it, because the baby is new, exciting, fun, playful, and cute, none of which I am. So I understand why people would gravitate towards him. But if you’re already sensitive to it, it may be a bigger issue for you.
Post # 9
I don’t have any kids yet, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. But, I would venture to say that your mom probably feels like she’ll be of more help AFTER the baby arrives. If your DH has a job that might not even let him off for delivery, then it probably won’t be much better after the baby arrives. Maybe your mom wants to make sure that you’ve got someone there to help you with the day to day things.
But like ExcitedScaredBee: said, prepare yourself for everyone to really fawn over the baby. It’s just the way it is. Babies are cute and cuddly, and people LOVE to love on them.
Post # 10
hspw714: I kinda feel this way too, but I knew that was going to happen in a sense. People get excited for babies and suddenly you as the mother become obsolete. My family doesn’t do this nearly as much as my friends with children do actually. They act like me having this child is my initiation to their secret mommies club and until then, I just don’t understand anything and they make it pretty clear I’m not one of them yet. So in a sense they’re worse because I’m technically their friend-in-waiting until my daughter arrives.
If you want your mom there, tell her. As some PP’s have mentioned, she might feel like she’d be in the way. In a sense your situation is tough since you are so far away from family and your husband might not have the time off to be there for you, so it makes it even harder for you to feel anything but pushed to the side. Do you have any friends where you are to maybe go out with and vent or who can be there for you?
Post # 11
I don’t think you’re being overly insensitive – you feel what you feel and at least you’ve taken the healthy approach and vented here 🙂 I’m also in my 3rd trimester and I find myself getting short with people who I feel are telling me how to take care of myself – like I haven’t been doing it for the last 8 months. But then I have to remind myself that people are only saying it because they are about me and the babies. Just take a deep breath and know that you have a huge support system!
Post # 12
I have the opposite problem. I feel like everybody is hyperconcerned about me and how I’m doing — and don’t ask enough about the baby. Probably it’s because I’ve had important health issues in my past and also I have had a pretty rough pregnancy so far, but still, I wish people (ESPECIALLY my FI and my mom) would care a bit more about my baby ;(