Ever feel like you are planning someone else's wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
224 posts
Helper bee

cbj9:  I know how you feel, not that it has happened to me but that it is happening to my coworker. Their families are paying for the wedding except for one thing-phitography. In all other aspects they pick everything, she chooses nothing, but she was hell bent on getting a good photographer and she wanted no opinions on it so she paid for that herself. Even though she basically gave up all rights to plan her wedding because family had strong influence, opinions etc, she owned the thing aboutt the day that is more important to her. Maybe u can do that too. You should have the final say even though their ideas are welcome

Post # 3
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

cbj9:  Not all parents handle their contribution like this. Some gift the gift with no strings attached.

Do your parents actually require a sign off on all decisions or can you just give them a general idea of how you plan to assign the budget?

Post # 4
7055 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

cbj9:  What are you not allowed to plan without them? I had to discuss the venue and catering with them (since they were paying). The only other things they cared about were the menu and drinks selection, and they had a small number of requests for the guest list.

Other than venue and menu, we had complete creative control. i.e. my parents knew it was my wedding and so didn’t care about decorations, cake, order of service, invitations, etc. And I can’t see why a parent would care about these sorts of things. 

Also, have you considered paying for parts of it yourself? While our parents paid for the reception, food and drink (which were the biggest expenses), we paid for everything else: photographer, dresses, decorations, transport etc.

Post # 5
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Yeah Ive been feeling this way since the beginning. My parents are only paying for some of it, FI and I are paying abour $12,000 for the wedding ourselves. We had initially wanted a very small intimate wedding or possibly wedding weekend, except, the week we got engaged my sister announced she had eloped 3 months prior. Everyone feeling slighted by my sisters elopement we were kind of forced into a larger wedding against our will. I fell in love with a gorgeous venu that only would hold 125 which I thought was a good compormise…but….my parents squashed that and selected a country club that will hold over 200 people. This is a huge change from our intimate small wedding of 50 or less that we wanted. Granted the food is great at the country club we are now planning a wedding and paying for a wedding that everyone else wants. Not to mention my own sister who was my MOH has been fighting even the most simpliest things. With the growing size of the wedding ive gradually had to trash any and all idea ive wanted for my wedding due to our budgetary restraints. $12,000 would have gone a lot further for a 50 person wedding than a 200 person wedding…….I know at the end of all this im not going to care about the stuff I care about now since I get to marry the love of my life, but for the time being it kind of stinks. Its like we have nothing of our own design for our wedding.

Post # 6
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

cbj9:  Could you guys try and come up with a better system for approving things? Personally I think it should be your decision seeing as its your wedding.. but if they MUST have a say, can they just give you some guidelines and let you choose from there? do they absolutely have to have the final say? While it is amazing of them to pay for it, I think they need to let you guys take the reins, it is your wedding!

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