Ever feel like your the "poor" bride??

posted 2 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

LuvlivininBC:  Wedding bee definitely tends to skew to the higher budgets. What area are you in? That makes a huge difference.

Post # 3
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

LuvlivininBC:  Aw I am sorry you feel like you can’t pull out the big stops for your big day but you aren’t alone at all. As a twenty-something bride, I can’t relate to your financial situation but I think your wedding will be beautiful regardless. I am choosing not to spend lots on the big day, because it is just that…a day. Having family and friends there is what makes it special, and your love for your fi. Don’t feel down or excluded. I think people who spend lots of money on their weddings are crazy and it’s great for them but it just isn’t a choice I would make. It’s all in how you look at it.

Post # 4
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Please don’t feel bad!

Everyone should have the budget they can afford.  That means different things for different people.  Don’t let WeddingBee strike you as the norm for $50k weddings, that’s just not feasible for the majority of brides and grooms, especially ones in their 20’s.  All that matters is you’re marrying the man of your dreams and celebrating that union with family and friends.

Try not to get too caught up in the bigger, fancier weddings.  I’m sure you’re wedding will be just lovely.

But yes, I definitely feel like “the poor bride” in comparison to colleagues and friends who have mommy and daddy footing the $xx,xxx bill.

Post # 5
Member
9531 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Don’t feel bad! I’ve been to many weddings in my life and I can say, with confidence, that there is no correlation between the amout spent on the wedding and the amout of fun that I had at the wedding! So don’t  worry. Make  your wedding right for you and your guests.

And don’t forget, comparison is the theif of joy!

Post # 5
Member
3347 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know, I’m not spending a lot of money on my wedding but I don’t consider myself to be “poor” or “underprivileged”. I could afford a fancier, more expensive wedding, but to be completely honest, I don’t want to. No way am I spending $20,000 + on a party. I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed about! My wedding will be beautiful, and I bet yours will be too.

Honestly, I may get some flack for this but I feel like a lot of people (especially people in their early 20s) who are having expensive weddings are able to do so because their parents are paying for it, which to me is not brag worthy at all.

 

Post # 7
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

LuvlivininBC:  I was a budget bride! But my DH and I also had some help from our parents. But even then, in our area having a wedding under $25,000 sounded insane to people. Our wedding was around $14,000 for 180-200 people and to make that that amount of money stretch in our area was hard! I defintley had to DIY a lot of things like my invites, wedding programs, save-the-dates, ALL of our decorations, wedding arch, favors, bouquets & boutineers (how ever you spell it), and so much more! My shoes costed $20 and my veil was made my mom and I knew someone who could alter my dress for less than main alteration places.

I totally understand what you mean though. In the beginning of wedding planning and being on the Bee, I thought, shit….. my wedding isn’t going to be as gorgeous and glamorous as everyone elses here but in the end you learn to make it your own!! Looking back, I love what I did with  my own wedding and obviously I am biased lol but I thought it was gorgeous!! 🙂 I think your wedding sounds like it will be beautiful!

Post # 8
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

ClaudiaKishi:  Absolutely. The only reason DH and I got the wedding we did is because our parents wanted to pay for it. Had we been left to our own devices, we would have been in the same (or a much smaller) boat as OP. 

OP, don’t feel bad. Remember that there are people GOING INTO DEBT to pay for this extravagant wedding they want, but that you guys are making a much smarter decision for your future together as a family.

Post # 9
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

LuvlivininBC:  Don’t feel bad about your situation. Trust me, there are many soon-to-be brides out there who can’t afford the cost of an “average” wedding and there are also those who just don’t want to spend that kind of money. Your aim should be to have a wedding that you can afford; one which doesn’t leave you and your husband in the poor house once the wedding is over. I know too many people who’ve spent lots of money and have to start their lives together in debt and money problems are like the number one marraige killers.  Having a smaller budget just means being more creative and independent. Something that will be a huge help to you would be to take make a list of whatever things you need before hand and advantage of Black Friday sales, close-outs, and consignment/thrift shops.

 

Post # 10
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

LuvlivininBC:  Can I switch your perspective a bit?!  A $4000 budget -rustic/vintage wedding, at the age of 20, while making minimum wage, and raising a child is absolutely a tremendous feat.  You should be PROUD, and feel like your wedding hit the lottery, because in many ways it is so rare!!  I know it can be hard to read/see other brides having big budget weddings, but I promise it does not make it better, or more fun!!  Chin up 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I can relate a bit. On these boards I feel like I fall somewhat in between (about 22k is where I’m hoping to stay at, we’re both in our 20s and at the moment plan to pay for most of everything ourselves). We’re not having a huge, enormous wedding the papers are going to want to write about, but we’re also a bit above most “budget” weddings. However, on another forum I’m on, specifically geared toward Disney weddings…phew! Do I feel like a fish out of water! Most brides there are having their weddings at Disney World instead of Disneyland as we are, and the details and dresses and EVERYthing is just insane! It’s all so gorgeous and extravagent and mind-boggling, and suddenly in comparison our little wedding starts to look a little dinky.

But then I think to myself…I LIKE my “dinky” little wedding, and so should you! Someone is always going to have more money than you just as someone else will always do something smaller. It doesn’t make one wedding better than another, it’s just about working with what we have and making that the best it can possibly be.

Post # 12
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

LuvlivininBC:  I felt this exact way last year when there was a post asking how much your first home cost, ours was in the $60k range and the poll started at $100k+….. :/

Post # 13
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

LuvlivininBC:  Please don’t feel bad! I am still waiting for my ring, but SO and I already have a good idea of the type of wedding we will have and how much we will spend. I know I will feel like a REAL budget bride. I work as a personal chef now, and I make wedding cakes on the weekends to make extra cash. Since I am 22, a lot of girls I knew from college and high school are getting married, and it feels like 90% of them have parents that are paying for the wedding. That is not a luxury I will be blessed with. 

i would LOVE to have a small destination wedding, because that is what my parents had. But we will be the first of our generation to be getting married for both of our families, so we can’t pull off a tiny wedding. Everyone will be too excited about it, and I feel like we won’t be able to make many compromises to pare down the costs. But I will try my absolute best to make it cheap/budget smart. 

So, you are NOT alone. Also, remember that you are raising a beautiful child! Most brides don’t have to worry about a family yet, and YOU are doing IT ALL. Kudos, girl!

Post # 14
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

LuvlivininBC:  Nah girl! I’m a true budget bride here! Some brides here call themselves budget brides, but they’re spending $5, $10, $15 thousand dollars! Our wedding is costing us just over $1,000 for 125 people. I bought my dress on a special clearance sale for $25, bought printable invites from Goodwill (donated from Target), got my bridesmaids on discontinued clearance from Davida Bridal for $20 each, and am doing lots of extremely cheap and free things! But its all coming together so nicely. I can’t imagine paying thooousands for one day of partying!

Post # 15
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

LuvlivininBC:   I’m having what many would consider a “budget” wedding even though I STILL think it’s waaay to much to spend on a single day. We are paying for everything ourselves, so my goal has always been to spend as little as possible. That would probably still be my goal if I had parental help because I just like to be frugal! I ocassionally work as a planner for big budget weddings (150k & up) and I always joke with my FI about how many weddings I could have for what they are paying. The last wedding I did spent 55k on food alone! Even if I had it like that, I wouldn’t spend that kind of money! Sure, I might splurge a little morhere and there, but I would still stay comparatively inexpensive. Bottom line, don’t feel bad! I’m sure that your wedding will be absolutely amazing! Like a PP said, there really isn’t a correlation between the cost of a wedding and how fun and beautiful it’ll be. Good luck planning 🙂

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