Ever feel people judge your e-ring because of your SO’s occupation?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t count other people’s money. How they afforded their rings is none of my business. I also don’t ask or tell how much my ring or their ring is. 

Post # 4
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think so. I know some of my FI’s colleagues got their wives what I consider giant honkers just because they’re in a certain high income bracket, but then others of his colleagues, that make the same as the latter, spent one or two weeks’ wages. Mine is in the middle. It doesn’t really imply that my FI makes as much as he does, but I don’t really want to advertise the size of his paycheck, that seems icky to me. And clearly we’re in good company with other couples in the same bracket who didn’t choose to either. It’s normative enough among his colleagues that it isn’t something that is judged (as far as I know).

Post # 5
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m in her situation. I’m sure people wonder. I don’t think people “judge” although his mother was obviously concerned when she realized how much he spent. Finances are personal, and I think it’s tacky to advertise how much you or your SO makes. No one needs to know the cost of my ring, or its value, so I haven’t told anyone. People can guess. If they choose to judge, it’s on them.  I got the ring I wanted and that made sense based on my tastes and personality. People were expecting it, so that helped I guess.

Post # 6
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

People shouldn’t judge but they will. If your fiance is a doctor, friends may not know how much money he makes but they will assume he make a lot based on his occupation. Some will judge if the ring is less expensive, if they felt he can afford to give you a nicer ring.  I had a friend of mine who recently got engaged and her ring looks pretty expensive. I’m not sure how much it cost and I would not dear ask but everyone was wondering how the hell can he afford a ring like that. I guess some people wonder if they were silly enough to go in debt for a ring I guess. 

Post # 7
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My stone is an heirloom and my FI could not have afforded it, but once I get to NYC it might be considered small! I’m sort of worried about people judging his job/income in NYC in general, but that may be my own warped expectations.

Post # 8
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@foz:  That behavior is typical of younger brides and their friends. At some point, you stop talking about occupations, income and stop counting other people’s money (hopefully). 

I’ve never discussed how much my ring cost with people, I’ve never disclosed how much (or how little) we paid for the wedding, we don’t discuss finances with anyone. We just bought a house and the question that keeps coming up is “how much was it?” The answer we’ve given has always been a derivative of “none of your business” to everyone (parents included). I’m a huge proponent of keeping people out of your business.


Post # 9
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I don’t care how people spend their money..and how they manage to buy this or that..it is not my business….so I consider it unacceptable and rude to ask these kinds of questions..and judge..

People have different priorities…some people want to live in a small apartment but buy a huge 50k engagement ring..others want to buy a huge house and a $500 ring…some people make millions of dollars and eat in macdonalds..while others make little money and save on everything..but manage to buy expensive organic groceries at Whole Foods..none of it is my or anybody else’s business…

Post # 10
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@foz:  I’m sure people do judge, since we are both students & my ring is rather nice (it is a moissy tho, so people might assume it’s a diamond even though I am open about it being moissy).

Honestly though, I don’t care. I didn’t pick the ring as a status symbol or for any other reason than my own enjoyment & loving the size & style.

Post # 11
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


Post # 12
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m pretty young with a 1ct moissy, and people always seem sort of surprised when they meet FI.  If I had to guess, I’d say they suspect I’m marrying someone older (since nobody gets married in their early 20s in our community anyways), and FI looks younger than we are.

Post # 13
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My husband was working night audit at a hotel when he bought my ring. I’ve only once been asked about how much he spent. And frankly I don’t know how much he spent and I don’t care.Things like that just don’t matter to me. I feel in love with him not the ring even though I do love it. 

Post # 15
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


Lots of people are judgemental.  Like to gossip.  It is a fact of life.


In reality it is no one’s business but their own WHAT they have, or HOW they paid for it.

Some people save – some people get things given to them (ie heirloom ring or diamond) – some people go into major debt

And some people lie, fib or deceive.

UNLESS YOU HAVE A JEWELLER’S LOUPE HANDY there is NO WAY that the human eye can tell at a quick glance from a far WHAT is going on with a Woman’s ERing (be that a Diamond or a Gem)

It could be a Flawless Diamond… it could be a lesser one.

It could be a Mossy, a CZ, or a something else.

The perfect gem could just as well be synthetic, a piece of glass, plastic or “paste”

My best advice… don’t spend your time worrying about it.  What is is.

Lol, I’m guessing with the trend towards bigger diamonds these days and fancier settings that there is a lot more *wink-wink nudge-nudge* going on than most will ever imagine.  And it is really easy to pull off… there are tons of great looking “fakes” out there… look at the many sites that specialize in “stand ins / stunt doubles”, costume jewellery, or the stories of gals who said they’ve bought less now with the plan to upgrade later (and Jewellery Stores play this game as well… lot of Setting Displays the diamonds in the Setting are real, but instead of having a “traditional missing” feature diamond, they insert a CZ instead.  So ya people buy those as is, with the plan to buy the expensive Diamond later on).



Post # 16
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My FI is also a doctor (as am I) and I do wonder if people see my ring and think “oh no wonder, he must be loaded” Which is an assumption that bugs me – we’re pretty well off at the moment but not loaded, and before we moved to Australia our salary was much lower. My ring is pretty valuable and the stone is bigger than most of the rings I’ve seen (1.23 carat so not super massive, but I think rings in Ireland and Australia tend to be smaller than in the US).




However it didn’t cost him a huge amount as the diamond was left to him and his sister when his Mum died (his sister very sweetly told him to use it for my ring – I am blessed with my in laws!). If he didn’t have the stone my ring would probably been a lot smaller (I would have been fine with that, I would never want him to spend that much money on a ring)

I do feel a bit awkward when people comment on the ring, and I do sometimes feel like I have to explain that its an inherited diamond, even though people don’t usually comment about price. 

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