Ever give an ex a second chance(or did you get the second chance)?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think it depends entirely on the circumstances and the people involved. I broke up with my partner a year and a half into our relationship because of issues he had from a messy relationship before me. He lied to me a lot didnt treat me that well at times, but other times was amazing and I knew he loved me but it all got to much and exploded on us. We split or took a break for a few weeks went away on seperate xmas holidays.

 

The time apart and actually learning to communicate properly with each other and realizing we did miss each really helped I think and when we did decide to give it go with both were open and honest about everything and expectations.

 

That was 2.5 years ago and our relationship is better each day, we dont fight or have any of the issues we had before.

 

So sometimes you do get a happy ending 🙂 I think the key to deciding on whether to give second chances is whether you both really can let go and move forward dont take the previous problems into a new beginning.  If you honestly cant do that dont even bother.

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 3
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Liss13:  Infortunately I married the 2nd chance. Then divorced him. I say exes are exes for a reason. That was my experience anyhow.

Post # 4
Member
3530 posts
Sugar bee

Liss13:  I did, and while at the time I thought it was the right decision, and for 6 months it was, but then he never really saw us as exclusive that second time around and cheated a couple of times, I didn’t find out about it until we broke up for good.  We broke up the first time becuase we were fighting a lot and thought we just didn’t have matching ideals enough to stay together.  And in the end we were right and I’m happily married to my husband with a child.  My ex didn’t want children and that was a deal breaker, obviously.

Post # 5
Member
4896 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’ve taken a couple of exes back–it never worked out.  Sorry.

Post # 6
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Ex’s are ex’s for a reason.

Post # 7
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

 

Liss13:  Hmm, I did but I don’t think our situation fits into what you’re looking for. My husband and I started dating in grade 8, we decided to break up durng the summer because we didn’t want to be tied down going into high school and wanted to end it sooner than grow apart and ruin our friendship (we were oddly mature back then it seems haha). High school started and we still only wanted to be with each other so we have been together ever since and got married 3 months ago!

Post # 9
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’ll chime in–I dated my now FI for 6 months or so when I was finishing up high school. He was so in love. I loved him too, but he was ready to commit. I was ready to be on my own for the first time (just entered college) and was just into being wild and crazy while he was soo not in that place. A few months after the break up, we got back together. Why? Well I was super immature and young and was insanely jealous he had moved on and met someone else. He was still in love with me, broke up with her for me. He went right back into being super committed, I went right back into not wanting a committment. I broke up with him. Again. He was absolutely heartbroken.

5 years later I was still single. I had never really self-reflected or considered why things went down with him the way they did. I thought I was just a bad person and would go in a relationship with good intentions and break someone’s heart. So I dated a lot, but never committed. No real relationship.

During that time I realized how amazing he was. And how unfortunate it was that I wasted my opportunity. Who knew I’d find the love of my life when I was 16?? Well, we reconnected three years ago. We’re engaged now. I’m so happy, and even though I’m not a sappy kind of person and am not even sure I believe in soul mates..the way this all went down I can’t help but wonder if we were just meant for each other. Anyway yeah, a happy getting back together with an ex story (3 times haha).

Post # 10
Member
7259 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I took an ex back and it was a HUGE waste.of.time.

Post # 11
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I have seen it work out many times when the timing was wrong, but generally not when a break up happened for other reasons. 

Post # 12
Member
6592 posts
Bee Keeper

After about 3 dates, I told FI I didn’t want to date him anymore because of unclear intentions and other random stuff. However, after I broke up with him, I felt horrible and less than 12 hours later, emailed him to try again. Being the nice guy that he is, we resumed where we left off and got more real with each other and have been together ever since. It’s barely a blip on the radar, but that encounter could have drastically changed our life course! 

I think the success of a second chance depends on circumstances. If they are an ex because of extremely bad behavior, it’s likely the bad behavior will recur, regardless of what they say. If it’s just a misunderstanding or miscommunication, you might be able to make it work. 

Post # 13
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I bounced around between exes for a while (ex BF A, then ex BF B, then back to A, then back to B) for long periods of time too, not just months of dating, some of my friends still refer to that time as “when you were the Queen of Exes…”, here’s what I learned: unless both of you SERIOUSLY change you will inevitably run into the same problems, with the same “solutions” which lead to the same “conclusions.” And you (and him/her) never change enough to have this not be the case. You’re a more recent version of yourself. Why keep trying to make yourself into an older version to fit in with an “older” relationship? Unless it’s a timing thing as weddingmaven: said.

And…you waste your time looking into the past that could’ve been better spent looking into your present and future. 

Post # 14
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My fiance and I originally dated for 2 years.  We broke up because I wanted to get married and he wasn’t ready.  After 2 1/2 years broken up but still friends, we got back together this summer.  Now we are engaged.

I’m happy we took the time apart that we did.  3 years ago there was a LOT that I wanted to do in my life and probably would have been bummed if I never gave it a go.  Now I know a lot more about me and I feel like it’s allowing me to be a better partner for both myself and him.

Obviously, he needed time for him too and I am so happy to see the man he has grown into and call him my fiancé.  He knew I was the one before we got back together and everyone knew it would be pretty quick to engagement/marriage when we got back together this time around.

Post # 15
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

weddingmaven:  I agree. I’ve seen it happen (and I remember one case here on wedding bee), but it almost always seems to be because the first breakup was when one (usually the guy) was too immature the first time.

It’s kind of academic though, because if you mean this jackass http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/got-dumped-for-the-2nd-time-my-heart-is-pretty-much-shredded/ , you’re much better without him. He treated you horribly. 

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