(Closed) Ever have your whole family not make it to the wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you want your family (or his family, or your best friend) there you need to plan around them. There are some folks that will jump through hoops to get to your wedding.  But if you really, really want them there, don’t make them do that.  

In this case your mom has told you what she can and can’t do.  I’m assuming more of his family can’t make it if you move the wedding farther east. That’s a tough decision.

Post # 4
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m so sorry your mother is behaving this way. I think it’s truly appalling that she isn’t willing to try harder to go out of her comfort zone and overcome her anxiety for her daughter’s wedding.

I know that at one point you two were thinking about eloping because of everything going on with your father, but decided to have the wedding so your families could meet. But obviously your mom is now putting a wrench in that plan. If I were in your shoes, i would go back to the old plan. I would plan a wonderful nice vacation somewhere exotic or tropical or something, and elope. Make it just about you and your FI. Is that an option? Or would you really rather have a wedding?

Post # 7
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

When are you planning the wedding? Maybe she will come around as the date approaches?

Post # 9
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

I’m really sorry you have to deal with all this. I feel in ways when I read your posts that you are still struggling to come to terms with all that has happened with your mom in the past and your dad (which I am very sorry to hear about his passing.) 

I want to say to be positive and maybe she will make it to the wedding, but it sounds like she’s a bit illogical in her reasons for going (vacations and travelling to different places). I don’t know that your mother is ever going to change her ways unless she is in serious therapy and on the proper dose of medication. I am saying this because I see a LOT of similarities between your mother and my own.

Her anxiety affects her life if it’s anything out of the routine. She can get over it at times, after all she has flown out to see us twice before. Then I think, “She’s done it before, why can she rally for my wedding?”

As for your wedding plans, I think you and FI should just have the wedding where you want, when you want to. If your mother decides to come, then she will. But it seems like she’s put a lot of stress and indecisiveness onto you who is just trying to accomodate her and your family to be at a special day in your life. Maybe she is not in her right state of mind but you cannot put your life on hold forever. I don’t mean for that to sound harsh, but I struggle a lot with not being able to have a rational conversation with my own mom without her trying to manipulate the situation to suit her own needs/plans. Be strong and if you need to reach out to someone again through therapy or counselling, I think it might help with being able to cope with your mom and her behaviours and how you shouldn’t internalize what she says. 

Post # 12
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

@sienna76:  thanks, it’s certainly tough at times and I am looking into some counselling for myself just to help me figure out the relationship between my mom and I and how I can understand her better. big hugs right back! 🙂 Support is so important, and it sounds like your future in laws as well as your fiance are great with this, so if you need to lean on them then do it. You can really only grow closer. 🙂 

I’m sorry you are being reminded of and it’s turning out like your first wedding. I think it’s just really important to keep your focus on having the happiest day with your fiance and what will be the start of your new life together. Just keep re-directing your focus to this and I think that things will start to fall into place. 

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