- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Eek. I have. I never got the money back. It strains the relationship, not because of the actual money amount, but because of the feeling that the person didn't live up to their end of the promise.
I have loaned my best friend money a couple of times. It worked out well b/c I let her know upfront that I could wait until she filed her tax returns and let her pay me out of her refund. In both cases, I had to wait over 6 months to get my money back...but I knew when I was getting it and she didn't have to stress about paying me back on top of her regular bills.
As a general rule, I don't lend money that I "need". If loaning money will have me juggling my living expenses then I don't lend it. I am a single mom so I can't NOT take care of my household expenses to help somebody else out.
Also, if it's somebody who I know upfront doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of paying me back, if I have it...I will just gift it to them. That way if they decide to give me something back...it's a pleasant surprise and not an expectation.
Nope. If someone needs money and I have it to GIVE and I feel the situation is appropriate for me to GIVE money, then I do. I would never loan a friend money with the intention of getting it back. I've only seen it do bad things to relationships. My SO and I have had conversations about this very thing because he's had some friends who've needed money and we've agreed never to loan a friend money or enter into a business deal with a friend either. They just don't mix.
I wouldn’t ever loan money to a friend that I expected or needed to get back. I think generally by the time people are willing to accept money from friends, they are in pretty dire need, and its unlikely you will get your money back. There are other creditors who will come first (sorry if that sounds so pessimistic).
I think its hard on the person taking the money as well, because they now owe their friends, and no one likes their friends to know they are struggling – maybe this is why a lot of friends disappear after borrowing money?
I’ve loaned money to friends, but I’ve never received any back. Some of those people I’m still friends with, and some I am not.
I think it depends on the friend and the money situation with them. I have lent money to friends before...although it tends to be more of a pay for things and they pay me back later than actual cash given. For example:
- going on a trip together, I will book and pay for the airfare/hotel on my credit card
- I buy a bunch of us season tickets to the ballet
- I will pay for supper one night we go out, a friend will pay the next time
I should say that this always happens with close friends of mine that I have known for a long time and that I know they have the money to pay me back. I will let them know what they owe when it appears on my VISA bill and get the money shortly after, so for me, it has never been an issue that I will worry about getting the money back or that I can't pay off my credit card, which I always can.
I would hope a friend would understand and pay you back as soon as they can, even if it takes a little while, out of respect for you and your friendship. I haven't really experienced this with a friend who didn't have money at the time, so my experiences are not really the same. It gives another perspective though!
I would never ever ever do it. My FI loaned a guy money who used to be a friend. He never paid him back. He is still around a group of friends and I am ready to start completely smearing him if he does not pay my FI back. And I am not talking about a couple hundred dollars either. It was a few thousand.
I have tons of times! Always gotten paid back and if I borrow I always pay back. Im the type that if i owe someone money I track them down to pay them I cant handle knowing I owe someone money!
Oh wow, I feel like I'm getting a major reality check here!! The thought didn't even occur to me to just gift him the money. It wasn't a lot (although not chump change) and definitely not $ we needed to pay bills - it would have gone into savings. I guess since he asked for it as a loan that's the only way we considered it.
@gabrielleelise1981: You make a really good point about the fact that by the time they are asking friends for money they are in a pretty dire spot. I thought about that. WE didn't want to pry too much by asking if he had gone to anyone else (like family) but it did occur to me that he must be pretty desparate.
@mcnetn3: That's a very good philosophy. DH and I never even spoke about it before now because neither of us have ever been asked (besides my haircut incident) to loan money to anyone, even a friend. I guess we should really decide now what our philosphy will be about loaning money from here on out.
I don't loan friends money. I give it to them. That means that I never give them what I can't afford to lose and I never plan to get it back, and I tell them that up front. I think loaning money creates a weird dynamic and it can ruin relationships. So if a friend needs something, it's theirs, and I don't want to hear about it after that. No loans. I'm sorry for your FI's friend and I hope it all works out!
@dance: I think the things you are talking about aren't really loans... I do that kind of stuff with my friends all the time, i pay, you pay kind of stuff or group event stuff that only one person can book and pay for up front.
I just don't do any here's some money that in no way has anything to do with me and you need to pay me back in x amount of time kind of thing.
Pretty much every single time I'e loaned money I've had the same outcome as your haircut friend. I've never seen the money again.
As a matter of fact, come wedding day one of my bridesmaids "forgot" cash to pay the stylist doing our hair (who happened to be my cousin); of course not wanting to stiff MY COUSIN I paid for BM friend (whom I've known for over 20 yrs). Our 1 month anniversary was yesterday, and 1 voicemail and 2 light emails later, I've yet to receive a reimbursement or even a call or email back. She's still active on FB so I know she's not dead.
I don't know why I continue playing the asshole to all my friends when it comes to loaning money or fronting cost. You're right - it does REALLY weird things to people=(
FI and I loaned my brother and sister-in-law $3,000 so she could take her physician's assistant certification exam, and had to watch, dumbfounded, as they blew her new big salary on expensive trips and electronics before finally bothering to pay us back a couple of years later when we begged them to so that we could put wedding deposits down.
Never again.
@twalila:That stinks about your BM. I've also had 'friends' not respond to my emails or calls and continue to update their FB status. it's really frustrating and annoying, like they think I can't see them or something.
I'm really starting to doubt we will see the $ and I guess I never really believed we would get it back. The friend did give us a timeline though, so at least we will know after a certain date if we are getting the $ back. I do want to collect on it instead of 'gifting' it ultimately because we are trying so hard to save. And I think it will help the friend save face if he pays us back too. I know if he wants to he can and will. So all we have to do is wait..
@crayfish:OH gosh how horrible!! And it's not like your SIL is someone who can just disappear. That must have been so awful watching them buy all that stuff with YOUR money!
I have done it, but since it was several hundreds of dollars, and I really needed the money back, I used one of those contracts that you can find online. They are legally binding, and only cost like 15-20 bucks, so worth the peace of mind! The website is called loanback.com (I don't want to promote anybody, but I had a great experience with this site and it may be helpful for other bees too!)
Loaning money is one of the fastest way to lose a friend. Any money I give friends to help out is a GIFT, not a LOAN, to avoid drama and ackwardness down the road.
I haven't run into problems with lending out money mainly because I only lend it to people I love. if they don't return it, its no big deal. I have lend my coworkers money here and there..but no more than the cost of a lunch or two here and there. If they forget to pay, I just tell them they can take me to lunch and call it even. One of my close friends did asked to borrow 10k, but I had just $20 in my account after putting 20% down on a house, so I had no problem tell him I couldn't. I wouldn't have felt comfortable lending someone that much, so I'm glad I didn't have to experience it. =)
If it were a very close friend who was in need, I would offer to help them out as much as I could. Of course I would like them to tell me that they are going to pay me back but if it's it's an amount that could be consider a gift, then I won't remind them to pay me back. I guess if I genuinely know they are struggling, then I wouldn't mind giving them money.
Oh, letting coworker borrow money because they forgot their wallet is not a problem to me.
If it were the other way around, I would never ever consider asking a friend or even a close friend if I could borrow money. Not that I think there is something wrong with it but I just don't want people to feel bad for me. Plus, I know how some friendships can be strained if you borrow a significant amount of money from someone. I would rather borrow from my parents or my siblings before I show my friends i'm struggling.
@TTLT2012:$10K?! Oh my gosh do you mind sharing what it was for? Thank goodness you didn't have to actually consider it!
@yrret107: I'm totally with you. As bad as it sounds, I'd rather have creditors chasing after me and my credit ruined than friends loaning me money. Honestly if I were doing that bad I would move back home with my parents and that's saying a lot b/c living with my parents sucks!
@moderndaisy: I'd rather have creditors chasing after me and my credit ruined than friends loaning me money.
I work in collections -- trust me, you don't! We actually recommend to people to try to borrow the money from friends and family just to get it off their credit reports. :\
I would never do business with a friend or family member, and that includes loans. If I had the money to give, I would, though I am presently a poor, between colleges, student, so that's not really going to happen.
I agree with some of the PP's in saying that I only loan money when I have some extra cash and have no intention of getting/needing it back. Although I don't really tell them that they can keep it, at least it's something that wouldn't really hurt me if they can't pay me back. If they pay me back, fine... if not, it's okay too.
I've lent some money to some friends... A lot of them pay me back. I do the same thing... This commonly happens when we go on trips or watch a show and one decides to book the event for everybody and we all just pay that person on the day of... But I have this one friend that I lent money to years ago and he hasn't paid me back yet. I know he's not doing too well right now so I just don't think about it too much.
Well, i had a roommate in college and sometimes she'd forget her wallet and I'd pay for dinner or loan her a quick $20 before chapter, but I always reminded her and she always paid me so it was never an issue. I wouldn't feel comfortable loaning my friends any large amount of money. I never feel like I have money "to give" because we are always saving for our own stuff. However, DH loaned his friend like a thousand bucks or two grand, something like that, after college so he could get on his feet and his friend paid him back in $500 amounts quickly.
I have let a friend borrow money knowing she wasnt good with money. But we were out shopping and she just needed a small loan until the next paycheck. Then she needed to pay to fix her car and asked for a loan, until the insurance check came in. Paychecks came, insurance checks came.... she got new handbags, dvds, ate out at nice restaurants, I didn't see that money. As time goes on, we're out again and she needs more and just says to add it to the tab which is fast growing to a few K. I finally put her on a 'payment plan of x amt a month', whcih she actually stuck to until it was all paid off. I'm glad to say it didn't ruin the friendship though.
I HATE loaning money, because you rarely see it again, then I feel taken advantage of. We loaned FIL $2000 when he was having money problems. He is irresponsible with money, and FH and I made an agreement that if he didn't pay us back (I didn't think he would), it would come out of FH's "fun money," and no money would be loaned to him. He didn't pay us back, then got his car reposessed. FIL had some property FI has has his eye on, so we bought it and paid $2000 less, so we sort of got it back. We agreed that any more money after that came from FH's fun money unless FIL was going to sell a certain heirloom FH wants. We gave him enough to get his car back, but said he'd get the final $1500 when we got the property deed. It's been 6 months. FIL lost his job about 2 months ago, so FH and I don't understand why he isn't getting us the deed so he can get his money. FH made a comment yesterday as we went in somewhere that the well is empty until we get the deed- I didn't have a chance to clarify, and I hate all this since it leads to so many fights with FH- we fight more about this than almost anything.
So- no, I don't believe in lending money.
I loaned a significant amount of money to a friend once - my MOH and it turned out well. It was over 500 I think. She paid me back slowly over a course of 9 months and I was fine with it. It was part of my savings so I didn't need it for bills. She really didn't want to do it but had no one else to turn to. I thought I might regret it but it worked out fine.
I'd never do it for anyone else.
I haven't, but my parents have. When they loan friends money, they only do it if they can afford to gift it b/c they don't want there to be any hard feelings if they end up not getting the money back.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| fivemonthsnotice | 15 |
| ticatica | 14 |
| MrsOliveBird | 11 |
| aussiebee | 11 |
| pinkandsparkly | 10 |
| Lyndzo | 10 |
| countrygirl62312 | 8 |
| s.renea9 | 8 |
| Rivendeler | 8 |
| janetsnakehole | 8 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Cady | 1 |
Beekeeper
I ask because we just did. And it's the first time I've ever done it, besides the time in high school when I paid for my friends haircut because she only had a credit card and the salon only took cash. I never heard from that friend again.
This time it's actually DH's friend from college, he lives a plane ride away and we have known about his money troubles for a while. He wasn't able to afford to come to our wedding or send a gift, I actually feel bad for him. He's working, but his job doesn't really pay anything so he's struggling to get by.
I'm hoping we get our money back, but mostly because I don't want DH to lose a friend like I did. Money does weird things to people, it totally changes the game.
Anyone else loan a friend money? How did it turn out?