Post # 1
I ask because we just did. And it’s the first time I’ve ever done it, besides the time in high school when I paid for my friends haircut because she only had a credit card and the salon only took cash. I never heard from that friend again.
This time it’s actually DH’s friend from college, he lives a plane ride away and we have known about his money troubles for a while. He wasn’t able to afford to come to our wedding or send a gift, I actually feel bad for him. He’s working, but his job doesn’t really pay anything so he’s struggling to get by.
I’m hoping we get our money back, but mostly because I don’t want DH to lose a friend like I did. Money does weird things to people, it totally changes the game.
Anyone else loan a friend money? How did it turn out?
Post # 3
Eek. I have. I never got the money back. It strains the relationship, not because of the actual money amount, but because of the feeling that the person didn’t live up to their end of the promise.
Post # 4
I have loaned my best friend money a couple of times. It worked out well b/c I let her know upfront that I could wait until she filed her tax returns and let her pay me out of her refund. In both cases, I had to wait over 6 months to get my money back…but I knew when I was getting it and she didn’t have to stress about paying me back on top of her regular bills.
As a general rule, I don’t lend money that I “need”. If loaning money will have me juggling my living expenses then I don’t lend it. I am a single mom so I can’t NOT take care of my household expenses to help somebody else out.
Also, if it’s somebody who I know upfront doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of paying me back, if I have it…I will just gift it to them. That way if they decide to give me something back…it’s a pleasant surprise and not an expectation.
Post # 5
Nope. If someone needs money and I have it to GIVE and I feel the situation is appropriate for me to GIVE money, then I do. I would never loan a friend money with the intention of getting it back. I’ve only seen it do bad things to relationships. My SO and I have had conversations about this very thing because he’s had some friends who’ve needed money and we’ve agreed never to loan a friend money or enter into a business deal with a friend either. They just don’t mix.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t ever loan money to a friend that I expected or needed to get back. I think generally by the time people are willing to accept money from friends, they are in pretty dire need, and its unlikely you will get your money back. There are other creditors who will come first (sorry if that sounds so pessimistic).
I think its hard on the person taking the money as well, because they now owe their friends, and no one likes their friends to know they are struggling – maybe this is why a lot of friends disappear after borrowing money?
I’ve loaned money to friends, but I’ve never received any back. Some of those people I’m still friends with, and some I am not.
Post # 7
I think it depends on the friend and the money situation with them. I have lent money to friends before…although it tends to be more of a pay for things and they pay me back later than actual cash given. For example:
– going on a trip together, I will book and pay for the airfare/hotel on my credit card
– I buy a bunch of us season tickets to the ballet
– I will pay for supper one night we go out, a friend will pay the next time
I should say that this always happens with close friends of mine that I have known for a long time and that I know they have the money to pay me back. I will let them know what they owe when it appears on my VISA bill and get the money shortly after, so for me, it has never been an issue that I will worry about getting the money back or that I can’t pay off my credit card, which I always can.
I would hope a friend would understand and pay you back as soon as they can, even if it takes a little while, out of respect for you and your friendship. I haven’t really experienced this with a friend who didn’t have money at the time, so my experiences are not really the same. It gives another perspective though!
Post # 8
I would never ever ever do it. My FI loaned a guy money who used to be a friend. He never paid him back. He is still around a group of friends and I am ready to start completely smearing him if he does not pay my FI back. And I am not talking about a couple hundred dollars either. It was a few thousand.
Post # 9
I have tons of times! Always gotten paid back and if I borrow I always pay back. Im the type that if i owe someone money I track them down to pay them I cant handle knowing I owe someone money!
Post # 10
Oh wow, I feel like I’m getting a major reality check here!! The thought didn’t even occur to me to just gift him the money. It wasn’t a lot (although not chump change) and definitely not $ we needed to pay bills – it would have gone into savings. I guess since he asked for it as a loan that’s the only way we considered it.
@gabrielleelise1981: You make a really good point about the fact that by the time they are asking friends for money they are in a pretty dire spot. I thought about that. WE didn’t want to pry too much by asking if he had gone to anyone else (like family) but it did occur to me that he must be pretty desparate.
@mcnetn3: That’s a very good philosophy. DH and I never even spoke about it before now because neither of us have ever been asked (besides my haircut incident) to loan money to anyone, even a friend. I guess we should really decide now what our philosphy will be about loaning money from here on out.
Post # 11
I don’t loan friends money. I give it to them. That means that I never give them what I can’t afford to lose and I never plan to get it back, and I tell them that up front. I think loaning money creates a weird dynamic and it can ruin relationships. So if a friend needs something, it’s theirs, and I don’t want to hear about it after that. No loans. I’m sorry for your FI’s friend and I hope it all works out!
Post # 12
@dance: I think the things you are talking about aren’t really loans… I do that kind of stuff with my friends all the time, i pay, you pay kind of stuff or group event stuff that only one person can book and pay for up front.
I just don’t do any here’s some money that in no way has anything to do with me and you need to pay me back in x amount of time kind of thing.
Post # 13
Pretty much every single time I’e loaned money I’ve had the same outcome as your haircut friend. I’ve never seen the money again.
As a matter of fact, come wedding day one of my bridesmaids “forgot” cash to pay the stylist doing our hair (who happened to be my cousin); of course not wanting to stiff MY COUSIN I paid for BM friend (whom I’ve known for over 20 yrs). Our 1 month anniversary was yesterday, and 1 voicemail and 2 light emails later, I’ve yet to receive a reimbursement or even a call or email back. She’s still active on FB so I know she’s not dead.
I don’t know why I continue playing the asshole to all my friends when it comes to loaning money or fronting cost. You’re right – it does REALLY weird things to people=(
Post # 14
FI and I loaned my brother and sister-in-law $3,000 so she could take her physician’s assistant certification exam, and had to watch, dumbfounded, as they blew her new big salary on expensive trips and electronics before finally bothering to pay us back a couple of years later when we begged them to so that we could put wedding deposits down.
Post # 15
@twalila:That stinks about your BM. I’ve also had ‘friends’ not respond to my emails or calls and continue to update their FB status. it’s really frustrating and annoying, like they think I can’t see them or something.
I’m really starting to doubt we will see the $ and I guess I never really believed we would get it back. The friend did give us a timeline though, so at least we will know after a certain date if we are getting the $ back. I do want to collect on it instead of ‘gifting’ it ultimately because we are trying so hard to save. And I think it will help the friend save face if he pays us back too. I know if he wants to he can and will. So all we have to do is wait..
Post # 16
I have – and my friend gave me more in return (as a thank you!)