Ever NOT brought a gift for the bride and groom?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Have you ever NOT bought a gift for the bride and groom??
    Yes : (114 votes)
    40 %
    No : (170 votes)
    60 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    I did not buy my sister in law (then boyfriend’s sister) a gift when I attended her wedding.

    I was 21, stupid, and assumed my date (now husband) had taken care of it- we had been seeing each other for about a month. Luckily she’s super cool. 

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    8354 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I have always given a gift, if I attend the wedding; however, I know a lot of people don’t. Guests aren’t required to bring a gift. Some guests thing that by showing up and offering their support in your marriage is gift enough. Also, for some people $10.00 could be their gas to get to work the following week. With the economy the way it is right now and with so many people out of work, people are more strapped than ever for cash to pay their bills, let alone travel or purchase non-necessities.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    One of my best friends had a destination wedding and specifically told us gifts were not required since attending was so expensive. It cost us about $4,000 to attend and cash was tight at the time so we didn’t buy the couple a gift. Now I’m thinking baout getting them something nice as a 1st anniversary present but did not feel guilty about not bringing a wedding gift. Should I have brought a gift? She gave us a generous wedding gift as well as planned my bachelorette day which makes me feel guilty.

    Post # 7
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    FI and I are guilty of this. We were both in our best friends wedding last year. With all the stress of packing the car to make sure we weren’t missing anything bridal party related, we totally forgot their card/monetary gift at home. I felt pretty terrible, like I had committed a serious faux pas. We eventually gave it to them like 6 months later (which was the next time we saw them). I think my situations a little different since I did actually get them a gift, just forgot to give it to them but I still felt super tacky!

    Post # 8
    Member
    2859 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

    Once, I didn’t get the couple a gift. I was 20 years old, unemployed for the winter, and broke. I was mortified about it and was talking to the bride’s sister about how I didn’t even want to show up without a gift. And she said “Are you crazy? I know that [her sister] would much rather have you there without a gift than have you not come because you can’t afford one.”

    So I went. I think I finally bought them a gift like a year later, but I felt really bad about it, and still do.

    Post # 9
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I pesronally have never not given a gift, but I have always been in a financial position to be able to give one. I had one guest not give me a gift at my wedding, but I still thanked him for coming. I didn’t care–frankly i knew he was dirt poor, just graduated college, and was going through a very tough spot in life.

    DH brought me to a wedding (way before we were engaged) and the bride and groom said “no gifts needed!”. They got married on the beach before he joined the Army. Anyways, DH didn’t buy a gift. I was completely mortified and rode his ass for it, but he didn’t think it was a big deal since he was told by the groom himself to not bother with a gift. Still bugs me!

    Post # 10
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I voted “no” but thats only kind of true. For a few cousins’ weddings when I was younger (late teen or very early 20s) I didn’t get a gift but that is kind of the norm in our family. Until you’re out of college you always sign onto your parents card/gift… its just what we’ve always done because there are a lot of us. And actually at my shower last weekend I had my 4 cousins (age 22, 25, 27, and 29… two of whom are married) sign onto their mom’s gift…. so yea I don’t really feel badly about it 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    6598 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Once! It was my PhD Supervisor’s wedding and he stipulated no gifts from his students (because he knows we are strapped for cash).

    But I still came to the wedding with a card in hand!

    Post # 12
    Member
    145 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @CorgiTales: That’s the same way with my family in Columbus. At my two cousins’ weddings I didn’t receive my own invitation and signed onto my parents’ gift.

    But for non-family weddings, I have given gifts. At one, I didn’t realize that the bridal shower was when to give wedding gifts, so I actually gave two.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    The first wedding I attended without my parents I didn’t even think to give a gift, I was young and just didn’t know any better :/ Then FH and I attended his friends wedding and we didn’t give a gift. I didn’t even know we were going to a wedding (it was a last min decision) so we didn’t have a gift. Since those though I’ve been better 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I did and I’m ashamed to admit it. I was in a long term relationship for 7 years and we broke up. The next day, was my sisters best friends wedding. I got dressed, puffy faced, and everything because my parents insisted it would be better for me to go to the wedding and give my ex-SO time alone. (I did the ending) I was so obsessed with myself that I never even thought about the gift.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3620 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We had family members who didn’t bring gifts or even a card to our wedding. We didn’t get married to get gifts, but a card from our siblings/aunts/uncles would have been nice.

    Post # 16
    Member
    499 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Have I ever done it? No. Because that’s who I am and I can’t really help myself.

    Having said that, I don’t think it’s a big deal if other people do. As brides, we know we aren’t inviting people for the gifts, we’re inviting them to celebrate with us. Beyond showing up and acting appropriately throughout the event, I don’t consider guests to have any other obligation.

    Edited to point out in the interest of full disclosure, that we are encouraging our guests not to bring gifts so they don’t feel a sense of obligation. I’m not having any showers either. That’s also who I am. (I know, double standards right? I can’t help myself.)

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