Ever not send an invite to someone you sent a save the date to?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Can you not invite someone you sent save the date to?
    Yes : (23 votes)
    38 %
    No : (25 votes)
    42 %
    Pretend it got lost in the mail! : (12 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Sadiepoo:  I’m a coward so I vote that you don’t send them an invitation and if they call you up and ask pretend it got lost in the mail. Not sending someone an invite when you send them a save the date is a super rude thing to do, and it’s only okay if the nature of your relationship drastically changes. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    6407 posts
    Bee Keeper

    A note of warning in addition to the rudeness factor: Some guests will assume the “Save The Date” IS the invitation.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2720 posts
    Sugar bee

    @joya_aspera:  +1

    I didn’t send save the dates because my engagement was only 4.5 months long but wouldn’t have because they seem to lead to these issues. I would pretend.

    Post # 6
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Since neither have any ties to you or the family any more, I don’t blame you for not sending them invites!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1167 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Your relationship with them has changed therefore no invite! They will probably no longer expect one anyhow.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5199 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Sadiepoo:  In those situations I’d skip the invite since your relationship has changed since your send the STD.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee

    @MRSsrm85:  our thoughts too.  Not only are they expensive, but in my opinion they cause more problems than they solve. Glad we didn’t go that route. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    939 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

    @Sadiepoo:  I had a similar situation with someone. They got a save the date in January, but I did not send them an invitation. I also didn’t explain myself to them. I doubt they will ever say anything, as our relationship has totally changed, and I would now consider them “estranged”. If she ever calls me to ask about it, I will tell her the truth.

    My guess is that in your case, neither one of these people expect that they are still invited. 

    I think you’re off the hook. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1560 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Sadiepoo:  I did, and I know it’s tacky lol.  It’s my step father’s brother. They got into a huge family war, and my mom told me not to send him one even though I had sent an STD. Oh well! I never talk to him anyway, which sounds similar to your situation!

    Post # 13
    Member
    8282 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Chances are they won’t go anyway. I think you’re safe. But to answer the question, yes. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    761 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I sent my cousin a save the date. As did my other cousin who was getting married a month after me. Neither of us got responses or acknowledgments of any kind about our engagement. (my cousin’s mother even tried calling, and I’m not sure if she even got an answer)

    I even ran into my cousin before my wedding randomly, and she completely ignored anything about my engagement and got all phony and talked about nothing in particular. I kind of think she’s distanced herself from most of the family. (she randomly unfriended me  and my siblings one day on facebook, and we werent ever particularly close) 

    I didn’t bother to send an invite, since I knew it would also be ignored. 

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    2319 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m not sending invites to people who’s relationship with me has changed (for the worse) since I sent out the Save the Dates. Things happen and people change.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3210 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I have been wondering about this! We didn’t do STDs, but have a similar issue with a falling-out. Good to know that if your relationship wildly changes, you don’t have to honor a suggestion that a future invitation would be happening.

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