Ever seriously considered calling off the marriage?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Did you ever seriously consider calling off the marriage?
    Yes, I had serious doubts at one time, but I got past them. : (44 votes)
    17 %
    Yes, I'm struggling with serious doubts right now. : (22 votes)
    8 %
    No, I was nervous at times and had a few doubts, but that's probably normal. : (81 votes)
    31 %
    No, I have felt sure since we became engaged. : (115 votes)
    44 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    No, not serious. There were a couple larger fights were I grumpily had an “am I doing the right thing” moment, but it wasn’t in my right mind, or ongoing, it wasn’t a feeling that survived past the fight itself. I quickly came around, like, duhhh of course I am haha.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4831 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Not at all. I have thought, “wow, I’m getting married??” but never questioned whether or not to marry my FI. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I had a “Holy Moly am I ready for this” panic attack about a month after we got engaged, but aside from that (and it was a short-lived panic), but I never had any REAL fears or concerns.

    DH was an obvious choice for me!

    Post # 7
    Member
    11300 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @RunnerBride13:  Same here. Occasionally, we’ll be like, “WTF ARE WE DOING WE ARE NOT ADULTS!!!!” and then we just laugh.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    I think if you are having “serious” doubts, you should postpone the wedding… If the feelings are coming up NOW, in the “happy” time, they will almost certainly pop up again sometime in your lifetime when things aren’t as carefree (kids, etc).

    edit: not directed at anyone in particular, “you” as a general “you”

    Post # 9
    Member
    480 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Yes,

     

    When we first moved in together (after we were engaged), he was going through a tough time at work and we also realised that we both relaxed in very different ways (after a tough day he likes to chill and do nothing, I like to get ober it by doing something).  It took almos 3 months to get used to living together and during that time I was very worried that the relationship wouldn’t work.  However we got through it and I have no doubts at all now. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Carolsays:  Not for me. I want to call off the wedding quite often as I wanted to elope and HE’S the one who wants a big shindig. But I have never questioned the marriage with the person I chose.

     

    I’ve definitely had moments where I stagger back and the implications of getting married. Forever is a long time. But I always find solace in the person I chose.

     

    If you are having serious and unrelenting doubts, better to postpone and wait until you are 100% certain. Remember, this IS forever. If you’re already with him now, a few more months or years won’t change anything except how sure you are of your decision.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’ve always been sure about being married, but I have had doubts about getting married.  Planning the whole thing and trying to balance everyone else’s demands along with mine, and the costs is overwhelming.  I know I’ll love it when it happens, but right now I have moments where I just want to run away from it all.

    My big doubt at the moment?  Moving in together.  We’ve both lived by ourselves for over a decade and we’re planning on moving into a small one bedroom apartment to be able to save even faster for a house.  I’m terrified of sharing such a small space because we are both used to our own space.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    sometimes when we get into “fights” which is usually just me flying into a oanic and kinda being a bitch I wonder if I’m grown up enough to get married. Occaisonally when I run through senarios in my head and I imagine FI saying or doing something I freak out… then I realise I am a crazy person and I couldn’t ask for anyone who loves me or respects me more. Basically I am lucky enough to have found someone who can handle my serious and probably literal craziness. No serious ongoing doubts here thank goodness

    Post # 14
    Member
    448 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    No.

    I had made piece with the fact that me and him were not going to get ,arrived (he didn’t want to) and so when he threw a ring at me I didn’t have the chance to think really. I have never doubted that I want to marry him or rather be with him ‘forever’ 

    I did go through a few times when I was worried he was doing it because he thought he should or because that is what you do. But he soon explained his tninking.

    So no I have never doubted being with him permanently

    Post # 15
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I had a quite disastrous marriage on the rebound from an acrimonious divorce. Unfortunately, the man in question tended to specialise in having relationships with women going through similar emotional unrest because we were less likely to make good judgement calls.

    I distinctly remember, the day before the wedding, thinking “No. This really isn’t a good idea!” but instead of acting on these serious doubts I managed to fool myself in thinking these feelings were normal and just down to nerves. I was wrong. So I’m someone who thinks that anyone having serious doubts needs to step back and really work through them. 

    I was married again this year. At no point did I have a single doubt. That’s how it should be.

    Post # 16
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    No. We had doubts about having an actual wedding though. That’s why we are doing an elopement ceremony.

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