Post # 1
I used to think getting “cold feet” was only for men but I’ve talked to a few women who have expressed fear in having only one lover for the rest of their lives and wondering what if they picked the wrong man. I have also heard others who say that they can’t help but think of their first love and wonder what could have been with their former lover.
I hear this and my instant reaction was that perhaps they don’t really love their fiance’s but I think it’s too easy to judge because all loves are different.
So, in all honesty..has/does anyone ever second guess the one that they’re with or perhaps still hold a secret torch for a first/former love whether you’d act on it or not?
Post # 3
I love my Darling Husband dearly and can’t really picture my self with anyone else, but every time we get on to the topic of money and savings (Two things he is not good at) I have to wonder if my first highschool sweet heart ever has those discussions with his wife. I would immagine not becuase he is a Dr. and she is something equally as glorious so I am sure thier savings account is overflowing.
That being said we had our problems and I know it would not have lasted anyways even if it did make it out of highschool, but it is fine to dream and think every once in a while.
Post # 4
Honestly? I’ve never wondered. I actually look back at the men in my life and see a clear path to knowing that my Darling Husband was the one for me. The rest can’t hold a candle to him in any regard!
Post # 5
I have no doubt that Fiance is the best choice for me! However, this doesn’t keep me from wondering how the heck the ex could make ANYONE happy.
But, in all honesty, I do think that reflecting on what could have been is a healthy and natural process. In a way, it sort of weeds out those that aren’t really meant to be – I mean, if just reflecting on your past relationship gives you cold feet, you should probably be reevaluating your current relationship.
Post # 6
I love Darling Husband, but sometimes when it comes to the bottom dollar, I am not going to lie: I wonder if I had stayed with that one in the past who is now a Dr., the other one who is a lawyer, or the one who really gets me whose parents gave him $100K to build a cabin in the woods (that’s my thing, in the mountains, we were musicians together). Anyway, I know it wasn’t right because it didn’t work out with them(and they caused me a lot of pain), but occassionally I think it would be nice to have built a cabin that I live in for free in my dream mountain location. Know what I mean?
Dh does provide me with a wealth of love and support, and it is worth it. I do hope he makes more in the future though!
Post # 7
Fiance and I have talked about what we think our lives would be like without each other (generally if we had split early on or just never dated). Those conversations always have us talking about how our lives would be worse without each other. Neither of us sees living without each other. I would not jump to judge somebody for simply thinking about “what if’s?” though. If you’ve been with somebody for a very long time or are very young I can see how you might think about it. I think that the answer you get after thinking about it is most important. If you can easily see yourself without your SO in your life or can visualize a better life without them, then that would give me cause to worry.
Post # 8
@cbee: Considering all of my ex’s have dropped of the financial map, I can safely and happily say “NO.” However, I do know what its like to be strapped. Hang in there, I’m fairly certain this one is going to win the lottery for you 😉
Post # 9
Oh, please. I wonder about this all the time! And all sorts of other scenarios. Jesus, sometimes I want to kill him in his sleep 😉 The bottom line is, you focus on what you’ve got, not what you don’t got. Keep an eye on what you want, but your hands on what you have. Look to the sky but keep your damn feet on the ground. no one needs a concussion.
Hahahha. It’s not about being “in love”. Its about waking up every morning an deciding that this guy is the guy you will love today. Sometimes, deciding once is not enough. Some times you have to decide 23000 times in just one day. Sometimes a single decision lasts you a week. It’s real life. Not a movie 🙂 you just have to have faith that the bad things you feel today, or the annoying habit you see today, or the stupid thing he just said, will be replaced soon enough with a good thing. And for crying out loud, don’t forget that as awesome as you are, you’re no prize either 😉
(paraphrased from 6 years worth of convo with my FH)
Post # 10
Actually, sometimes I wonder, “What if I never met him? What if I had just decided to stay home that night?”
He is the first man I ever loved. I have liked other guys, and really liked other guys, but never loved any. I was scared that maybe I was cold-hearted, or not cut out for romantic love. Then Fiance came along…
Of course there are things about past bfs, like they have nicer jobs, make more money… but no one has ever treated me as well as Fiance or made me feel more loved.
Post # 11
MY FH and I went to college together, but, while the spark was definitely there, a relationship never happened. I moved away, he moved away. We were friends, but not much else. I dated around (no one very seriously), he dated one girl very seriously. Then, we both ended up back in our college town, at the same time. At a party, we reconnected and more. Now we live together (yes, before we are married) and I couldn’t honestly imagine myself with anyone else. For us, we’ve had the coulda-woulda-shouldas and somehow we still ended up together. I feel very fulfilled and can’t wait to say I do.
Post # 12
I had two serious relationships before I met my SO and I would be lying if I said I do not wonder sometimes what life would be like if I had stayed with one of them. One is a stable, family man and the other is adventurous, living a carefree life. My SO is neither of those things– I am still a waiting bee, and his idea of a good time is a movie on the couch. I know he is the right one for me though, and I think wondering is a natural response, especially when the men I have loved have all been so different.
Post # 13
@Ms Rocky Point: Here here! I’m sorry, but I got immense satisfaction from your post! haha. It was fun to read and relatable/true.
I’ll admit of course I fantasize about things, I’m lacking in creative outlets right now and often get lost in my thoughts. I’m the first to admit that. Usually it isn’t what could have been, but yes, once or twice I have thought, “Dammit, ex is working for freaking NASA. That has to pay out the a** right?” Usually that is during one of my, “Dear darling Darling Husband, Why the hell did you buy that?!” moments. He is a spender and I am a saver. We’re different. Does it mean I don’t love him? No! It just means we have to work harder in that aspect than I would have if I were also with a saver. But in that other relationship, there would be something else amiss. No relationship is perfect and I wouldn’t trade in my sometime ridiculous Darling Husband for the world.
I’d like to add…I also fantasize about winning the lottery and the many different things I could do with millions of dollars. Lol.
Post # 14
@AmeliaBedelia: Thank u Amelia Bedelia! I often like your posts and comments too!
Post # 15
I wonder sometimes, but usually it’s while we’re fighting. Once we’ve calmed down, I realize, again, that he’s the one for me. He’s so level headed, calm, caring, sweet, and a wonderful father, that I can’t imagine my life without him. He definitely makes up for the things I lack, and we’re really good together. I can honestly say that I don’t know where I would be right now if I had never met him. Probably in yet another abusive relationship, since he’s the one man who’s never physically/mentally abused me.
I don’t judge people who do wonder about the what-ifs though. It’s a natural thought process, especially with a lifelong commitment like marriage. I feel that at some point in your relationship you should consider the what-ifs, and it can help you sort out any fears you may be having. If you have these moments all the time though, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship or have a serious discussion.
Post # 16
@aliavenue: 😀 Haha! I know. Since we have been together, he reminds me, he has consistently made more money. I never thought I would care, but there does come a point… but you are right, and I think so too 🙂 I know he will get there. I always considered him like a Tiffany lamp, all dusty, that you find at a garage sale and take home and polish up 🙂 … where as some men look all shiny and end up being crap 🙂
OP, just always remember: the grass is always greener! My mother has been married 4 times… it made me hesitant to get married, but I will stick to Darling Husband no matter. But I do think it is natural to wonder.