(Closed) Every time we talk about the wedding atm, we end up in a fight

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time! It seems like perhaps the stress is getting to both of you…

On one hand, I would just pick up the slack and call his people for him. I think he is fine with guessing the final number and you’re not. It sounds like he is feeling like you’re nagging him and he just doesn’t care. If he’s anything like my FI once he reaches this point, it’s really tough to get him motivated again. I know the workload has probably been uneven and you feel he should contribute, etc…. but this could/should be a fun time and it is probably taking you longer to harass him than it would just to call the people yourself.

Post # 6
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would be doing the chasing.

it would go like this: “since you have not gotten a response I it’s up to me” then I’d take his phone (or do it myself) and get the responses.

Post # 7
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Soon2BeeMrsG:  Don’t you have an RSVP deadline?  At 6 weeks out, don’t you have another 4 weeks or so to get final #s in?  Maybe your venue is different, I dont know…

Honestly, I wouldn’t take it too personal.  Guys don’t get into the details of wedding planning so you may need to adjust your expectations to keep from continuously getting upset. 

The worse part is, I’m actually starting to forget why we’re doing this. I haven’t really enjoyed planning a wedding the way I thought I would from pretty much the beginning and I’m wondering if getting married is the right thing to do at all?!

Don’t go and get crazy now.  Of all the things you will encounter as husband and wife, planning the wedding should be the easiest.  If you bit off more than you can chew, that’s your problem (no offense) so start nixing stuff you don’t really need. 

I have to ask, is there more to this story?  It seems odd that wedding stress would make you rethink the marriage altogether…

Post # 8
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Ok I think he needs to do it himself, these are his guests and his responsibility.  BUT this is clearly causing you both stress so this is what I suggest.  Tomorrow and maybe even the next day don’t say a thing about the wedding, get back to the conversations you two used to have.  Just relax and be a couple and don’t worry about the wedding for a day or two.  Then after you have nice break, calmly explain to him why you need these numbers as soon as possible and why you really appreciate the help from.  If he still doesn’t want to do it, maybe ask him why not? Or maybe even ask his mom to do it.  But it really sounds like you need help and you need to find it somewhere.  Good luck and I hope everything turns out great 🙂

Post # 9
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Agreed with PP… I would also give the vendors his number and let them call him wanting #’s. 

Ok, maybe that was harsh, but periodically I get hit with the same “Why can’t you just do this one tiny thing?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!” thought with my FI. Mine has no idea why I get stressed out. HA, he is so clueless to the details involved. Men!!!!

 

Post # 10
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Soon2BeeMrsG:  

Ugh, I’m sorry you have to go through this, Make it easier on yourself instead of fighting…if he says they are coming then just mark them as a yes and move on. It’s not worth it to scream and fight leading up to your wedding.

Post # 11
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ick! I’m sorry you haven’t been enjoying yourself. It happens to most of/all of us.  There was a point during our engagement we weren’t sure we were going to make it. Other times we thought about just calling off the wedding and eloping.

Try to remain calm. I know it’s hard. I cried–A LOT.  But some of the other Bees are right.  Wait until the RSVP date for more replies if it hasn’t passed yet or call them yourself or have your MOH/BMs do it (since you do need help).

It is very easy to forget why you decided to get married in the first place when you get totally overwhelmed with planning. Slow down. It’ll work itself out one way or the other. In the mean time, tell him calmly, “I love you very much.  insert (I could really use your help with _____ or we need to talk about ____) here.  When you’re ready, will you come to me please?” That’s just meant to be some ways to put the ball in his court kindly. If the wording needs to be different to wrok with your communication/his listening style, modify.

I hope this helps. Good luck friend! *hugs* My BM told me during hard times, “You are a strong confident woman.  And you will TRIUMPH over adversity!” =)

Post # 12
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Hi again… I just saw your response now- apologies! I hadn’t seen your other post so didn’t realize the extent to which you are feeling the stress. Given that, I think perhaps some of the other ideas (like asking your BM/MOH) are fantastic ways to delegate.

Post # 14
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

🙁 I know exactly how you feel.  I’m not sure what men are thinking, but some think that by not talking about it, it will just happen.  They don’t want to deal with it because it is complicated.  What they don’t realize, is WE DONT WANT TO EITHER!!! I would like to pick out the cake, pick out my dress, do all the pampering and then show up! I keep giving tasks to my FI, and he puts them off, and then I remind him about, then we bicker for a bit, and I drop it.  Then I remind him about it, we bicker for a bit, then I drop it.  Finally I told him, “I’m leaving it in your hands, if it doesn’t get done, then it doesn’t get done, but Im moving on to the next task.”

Stress brings out the worst in people, and sounds like you have it piled up high right now.  Don’t worry about your relationship being bad, As long as you love eachother through it. 🙂 Maybe treat yourself to a massage, or pedicure soon. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I forgot to mention, that I told him that last week, and he still didn’t do his task, but it looks a little more promising that it will actually happen now!

Let me know if you find a way to have your FI help!

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