- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
I can’t believe I’m posting about having a crappy waiting day. SO and I have such a great relationship and we argue so little, it’s so strange when we have a big issue.
So, my SO used to smoke. Before we ever even discussed dating each other, I told him I would never date a smoker. He quit smoking that same day, and he started trying to date me. Here we are 3 years later, and I am happier than I have ever been and we plan to be engaged sometime within the year.
He has slipped up a few times with the smoking, maybe 2 or 3 times. I am always broken hearted and feel betrayed, not only because I hate the smoking but because he lies to me to cover it up. Yesterday I had lunch with my mom and was telling her how SO has been so stressed lately. She asked me if by chance he had picked up smoking again, and I said no way. The signs didn’t point to it, and I am always looking for the signs. So my mother’s face drops, I can tell she has something to tell me. Turns out, she saw him driving on the highway in our area and he was smoking. I had to find out he was lying to me THROUGH MY MOTHER! How embarassing, and now my mom knows our dirty laundry, and of course she doesn’t like to see me upset.
I was very tough when I confronted him, I told him I am far too smart of a woman to let a man lie to me, decieve me, and disrespect me. I told him I won’t tolerate it, but the truth is, I can’t ever imagine leaving him. I love him and even though I haven’t said any vows, I am in this for better or for worse. Though if this continued to be a problem throughout the years, I don’t know what to do. I want him to feel threatened and that I am serious about this. I just don’t think that he can quit forever, and I see this coming up again someday. How do I handle that if I don’t want to leave him?
I have never discussed breaking up with him, but I did tell him that if he lies to me again I could very well leave him. I don’t deserve that, I am a fabulous partner. I had to tell him that we obviously aren’t on the same page as partners, he isn’t communicating his stresses with me but hiding them instead. I even went as far as to say “I wouldn’t go proposing to me tomorrow, because I don’t think you would like my answer.” He has broken my trust, and a holiday proposal wouldn’t feel romatic after the week we have just had. I need some time to get rid of this terrible feeling.
I could use some wisdom. Or just some support from other bees 🙁 It’s not a very happy holidays.