Everyone Saying "Why Rush? Take your Time…"

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Many many people are in the situation of being told exactly what you are.  Unfortunately the only answer is, don’t talk to people about it.  Don’t tell people you are trying or bring up ttc in any way.  When you get pregnant and anyone say “Wow that was fast!” You just smile and say “Yes we are so thrilled and blessed.” 

ETA: As for your husband, you guys will have to just sit down and talk about what you BOTH want.  Tell him he married YOU and not anyone else, so no one else gets a vote besides the two of you!

Post # 4
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I was originally in the boat of “Take a year for hubby and I after we get married.”  Then we I got baby fever pretty hard.  I’ll the exact same age as you, and we are in a similar comfortable position. 

The biggest thing for me is that we want more than one kid, and starting at 27 will give us time in the “safe zone” if it takes us time to have the two that we want.  There is also some fear due to genetic evidence of me being infurtal.

We have talked about it a lot, and while we will be intentionally TTC, we aren’t going to get serious about it until after a year.  Basically, we will continue our intimate life as is right now, and if it happens, it happens.  If it doesn’t, we will talk to our doctors after a year.  Would that be a compromise that you and your husband could use?   Stop using control methods and let it happen naturally?

Post # 5
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@bruinchick4:  We’re not married yet, or TTC, but a friend of mine recently said something about my Pinterest activity. I pin baby stuff because eventually we’ll have kiddos, just as I pinned wedding stuff before we got engaged. She commented how she doesn’t see us as the couple to rush to have children. My only thought was “Who cares?” We’ve been together for 7 freakin’ years! That’s no rush!

Post # 6
920 posts
Busy bee

@bruinchick4:  who cares what people think!!

you are more than stable financially and other wise as far as I can tell go for it ! I myself hope to conceive within 6 months of marriage.. I guess its because my parents made me on their honeymoon, and alot of other family members did too. everyone I know has a baby within a year of marriage. 

Post # 7
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Just ignore people.  I know it sucks but honestly, they’re always going to try to tell you what to do and later, how to parent your own children.

I was told by a couple counseling on our marriage that something like half the couples in the bay area has impaired fertility by the time they try to conceive (I’m not sure where they got that info and I wish I had asked because I’d like to see the study).  I think it’s because so many people are waiting until they’re in the their mid to late 30s before trying.  I’m not trying to scare you but I think you and your husband should do what YOU want to do and ignore others.

Post # 9
3009 posts
Sugar bee

@bruinchick4:  I think pressuring your DH isn’t the right way to go about it. I don’t have any advice other than things move best when you’re both on the same page. You’re still young so even letting the topic go for a few months to a year shouldn’t make a huge difference. You have seen with your own eyes what can happen if one person isn’t dedicated to the baby. 

Post # 11
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

A lot of people say that because life gets SO much harder once you have kids!

But if you can support kids and you want them, I think it’s your choice to TTC!

We got KU on our honeymoon, and we’re very happy with our decision! Not like we were “rushing” or “missing out” or anything!

Post # 12
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

@bruinchick4:  Do you plan on having several kids? Then I can understand wanting to get the ball rolling. But otherwise you don’t have to right away, but if you are ready I don’t see what is stopping you. I don’t see how wanting to have kids at 27 is being in a rush. 

Post # 13
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

You are more than welcome to try for kids whenever you are ready, whether that be now or a year from now.

But just so you know you probably won’t get that reaction unless you’re telling people your TTC plans, which, to me, seems like a private matter, but that is just me.

We had tons of people ask when we planned on having kids or if we were. We just told people we just got married and will disucss it together. It was nobody’s business when we planned on having sex, which is why I hate the “when are you planning on having kids” question.

Post # 15
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@megz06:  I’m going to piggyback on what you’re saying.  Never ever disclose when you’re trying to conceive or plan to conceive!

I’ve learned that 1)things don’t work out the way you plan (fertility problems are expected for me) and 2)people have an opinion on everything.  My dad was actually pressuring us to try (which we are but we’re not saying that) and I say to him and in front of the in laws that it’s a private matter and that we have things we need to do before we can have children.  That basically shuts down the conversation. 

OP: Ask your husband why he is strongly opposed.  He’s 31, not old by any means but it’s not like he’s in his 20s either.

Post # 16
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

Um, I’m pretty sure it’s your decision, not other peoples’. Although I started hearing that a lot when my husband and I got married, mostly from his parents and my grandparents. It’s OUR desire to take it a year at a time, but at the same time if we do get pregnant it’s no big deal.

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