- 6 years ago
I got engaged almost 6 months ago (woo!) and I am getting married this coming summer. We chose our bridal party quickly. The bridesmaids I chose are all family except for one friend – the best man’s girlfriend, who I have only known for a couple of years. We get along great and always have so much fun together, she’s always been so supportive, we confide in each other, and we spend a lot of time together. I just feel close to her and I know she is someone I can trust.
However, there are three other girls in my life whose friendships with me have ebbed an flowed. One girl, I never thought too much about being a bridesmaid – we talked often, but she moved far away, and we started to not get along so well (she tends to pick on people and be condescending, so I could never speak freely to her or have a real conversation). The other two have been VERY close to me my whole life, and I sincerely care about them. But when college came, we drifted, and I had a falling out with one and we didn’t speak for a long time. They both moved out of town. Now they are both back and we are rekindling our friendship.
One day, those two girls came straight out and told me that they didn’t want me to feel pressured to be made bridesmaids and that they were just happy to be there to celebrate with me. This made me think: “Wow – these are two people who really care about me.” Now that I am almost halfway through my engagement, we are getting close again. I asked the bridal party MONTHS ago to be in it. If we were doing this rekindling closer to when we got engaged, I would have asked them to be in the bridal party. But as of now I think it’s too late, and I worry that our friendship is not yet stable enough. BUT – I asked one of them to be a ceremony speaker, and the other one to be the “in charge” of the guestbook (she requested this). I think that might be sufficent enough…but I don’t know.
The other girl whom with I am not very close is supposedly mad at me and “not talking to me” because I didn’t make her a bridesmaid, and I never talked to her about not being a bridesmaid to “explain” why. I almost laughed when I heard this – had I been in her position, I wouldn’t have expected to be a bridesmaid at all. She also has some other petty problems with me which she is not even mature enough to address right to me…she has just been bad-mouthing me to other friends.
Now, Fiance tells me that he just got off the phone with his brother, and my future SIL is upset because her husband and two kids are in the bridal party, and she is not. We talk via email maybe twice a month and get along great – I really like her – but we have see each other only 3 different times because they live across the country. Still, I know that if it were me, I might feel left out by being the only one in my family not in the bridal party of a family wedding.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like such a bridezilla or just a plain old jerk. Should I have included all these people? At what point do I need to stop this and say…HEY…isn’t this day about us getting married?