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Don't let them suck the life out of you. No matter what you do, you won't make everyone happy. Focus on you and your fiance, and remember the reason for the day. Side note - I don't feel like $130 for two nights is too much at all!
Umm $130 for two nights is a really good price. Around here even a Motel 6 costs at least $60 a night ($120 for two nights)!!
I just dropped $200 for a two night stay in a Hilton in Anaheim in September..
$130 for 2 nights is a pretty good deal but to appease them maybe you can give them and your other guests another, more inexpensive alternative for lodging. Maybe 1-star, 2-star, and 3-star options they can choose from so that they don't feel like they HAVE to stay at the 4-star hotel. Besides if they choose their own lodging they can't exactly complain because they made the decision themselves.
$130 for two nights if a freakin bargain. Clearly they are just being ridiculous and self-centered- who complains about hotel costs for a sibling's wedding on FACEBOOK??
It's not worth your energy to worry about this. They had months to figure it out right? They'll get over it.
Memo to the world at large: KEEP YOUR DRAMA OFF FACEBOOK
Wow, that really sucks. Don't spend another minute worrying about it - they're adults and no one forced them to book their stay at that hotel. Which, BTW is a great price! If they had such a problem with it, they should have booked somewhere cheaper. Tough cookies to them.
@baldor1:I found a Super 8 for $55 a night, but that's only $20 less or whatever than our reception hotel - we got a REALLY good group rate. It's listed on the website and they know about it. Anywhere cheaper, and I honestly wouldn't know where to look. And I guess what really bothers me is that instead of acting like adults and finding a hotel that meets their needs - like I do every week for business travel - they're booking the reception hotel and acting like I'm unreasonable for holding it there.
How rude! What is UP with people and drama on facebook? If they really can't afford it, suggest they share a room with another couple.
uhhhh......wow. That's kind rude...I wouldn't worry about the complaining, $130 for two nights is UH-MAZING! I just paid $230 for two nights at a holiday inn...Can they just share a room or something?
It's really hard to please everyone, I'm learning this the hard way. In the end, it's just a minor detail, so don't let it ruin your day!
Politely (without mentioning the Facebook message, maybe) offer to refer them to a cheaper hotel or look into discounts like AAA. Maybe your FI can intervene. It was really rude of them to complain, period, but to do it in a public forum is really terrible.
This might be just me, but I think I would have your FH call and mention (very sweetly) that you both had seen their post on FB and ask them if there is any way you could cover 1 night for each of them. I think the possible outcomes are:
1.) They decline. Now they know you know... and that little bit of upperhand *I think* makes you the "grown-ups" here. Someday, maybe when planning their own affairs, they will realize how ridiculous this all was... maybe they'll feel bad and help out one of their complainer-guests... So, in a round about way, your helpful karma will carry on.
2.) They Accept. Yeah, it would be a bold move, but whatever... I would feel better knowing they had nothing to complain about. If all it takes is a little bit of money to shut them up, I would be all for it.
Good luck, which ever way you decide to go! I recently went through facebook drama, so I know how upsetting it can be! :)
I guess they are staying 3 nights, now that I look at the numbers, which actually makes all this even worse! But I will try really hard not to worry about it.
I think it's rude of them to complain about it so much but I also think it's sort of presumptious to assume that they can afford it too (though they should go find a Super 8 or something if they can't instead of complaining).
@starrynight: 3 nights for $130?? Wow... seriously? They're being ridiculous.
i do agree that 130 for two nights is great but if they dont have much to spend on just accomodation then its not much of a great deal to them.. is there anyway that they can be hosted but family close by to help cushion the cost of them travelling there and cut out the hotel alltogether?
@MissAsB: How am I being presumptuous? How can I be aware of everyone's financial situation? No one I know has money issues that badly - please don't take that the wrong way, it's just I never thought $75 for a hotel room could possibly be unaffordable. If that makes me a snob, so be it. I think it just makes me financially repsonsible. This is a hotel that runs $200+ during the week, btw - I'd never assume people could afford that.
@bells: No family nearby, just my house, which I flat out don't trust them to take care of while using.
$130.00 for 2 nights is really great! I would worry about a place that is much less than that, bedbugs? room by the hour? IMHO I think they are being ridiculous!!! If they are both single siblings- maybe they could get a room together, if they are that worried about the cost!! It sounds like they just want to "publicly" complain, and hurt your feelings-or maybe get you to pay for them. And just how long have they known about your upcoming wedding-and had time to prepare, save, or look for themselves :(
I do think it was rude of them to post messages like that on facebook for all to see. At the same time I understand where they are coming from. Ideally everyone should be able to come to the wedding without having to pay overnight expenses unless they want to. Could it be possible they are thinking you could have picked a place closer to everyone? I know it can be a challenge to accomodate everyone but at the end of the day it is the bride and groom who picks the venue. If the venue is far enough away that others have to stay in a hotel, that is an added cost they didn't forsee. It is almost like saying, if you want to join us on our wedding day you must be prepared to pay for it. Sometimes it is not about the money. It is about the principle. To pay 130 bucks just to attend a close familiy members wedding may hit a nerve with some people. Not to mention the time helping out with wedding plans, buying a gift, clothes for the special occasion, etc. Now is 130 bucks a good deal...yes it is. But I think it they are arguing the principle of the matter not the cost of the matter.
@starrynight: Technically you are being presumptuous by thinking you know they are able to pay for it. At the same time they may not be able to pay for it. Everyone isn't open about their finances. Also, being financially responsible means you should be able to know a good deal is not good if it is not in your budget. In other words, your guests may decide 130 bucks is a great deal but it is not in our budget this month.
@edisonsgirl: Are you kidding? Do you live five miles from your entire family and his? Well, I don't. I guess I was wrong to plan a wedding in the city I live. You know, I work full time. I just finished my masters. I travel two weeks a month for work. But yeah, I guess I was totally presumptous and rude to have OUR wedding someplace that's easy for me to plan it.
I don't even want to do this anymore.
i know exactly how you are feeling. like the wedding is a burden for everyone rather than a joyful experience.
I ended up sending them money so each of my family members are now only paying $160 total for 6 nights. We're not hurting financially either, but it was still a lot of money that I could have certainly used elsewhere.... like hire a videographer! however, it was important my family be there so the sacrifice was easy.
starrynight,
They're being silly and asses for complaining publically and you're being completly reasonable in holding your wedding where you live. The hotel price is also fantastic!
But uh, I think you're suffering from a little bridal overeaction.
Two of your guests, out of aallll your guests, are complaining, not to your or your FI or your family but just bitching generally, about the cost and that's causing you huge angst and spoling all of your joy and makes you not want to do this anymore? Whoa.
Are you sure they're even complaining about you at all? Just because I complain about something doesn't mean I think it's anyone's fault... I just like to bitch, it makes me feel better. But even if they're complaining specifically about your decision - who cares? They're coming right? Yay.
The wedding will be fantastic and 95% of your guests will have a fantastic time. You might even be surprised at which 95%.
$130 for two nights at a 4 star hotel is an amazing deal.
My sister's wedding was two weekends ago and we paid $130 a NIGHT for 2 nights. While I wasn't too excited about spending that money on a hotel, she offered many other options to us. She sent links to campsites, cheaper hotels, and even a B&B. She went out of her way to make sure we knew all the options...
Instead of complaining about the price, I'd just as soon research other options. If they have that big of a problem, they should research other hotels or places to stay. Don't feel obligated to find more options for them when you already found an amazing deal, that most people should/would be happy with.
I don't think you're being presumptuous, at all. You found a good deal and shared it with friends and family. It's not like you're REQUIRING them to stay at the hotel you found. And don't stress out about it. People love to complain or accuse others of being inconsiderate. As far as I can tell, you have done nothing to be considered inconsiderate.
As far as edisongirls's, I think (hope) what she's trying to get across is that even if you and I think the deal is amazing, others STILL might not be able to swing it. But in that case, it is not your responsibility to find other arrangements. They are functioning adults (obv if they can figure out facebook and spread drama) so they can likely do a google search for other options if they're not happy with what you supplied.
Honestly though, I think people just like to complain. Be happy if this is all people are complaining about, because it's really insignificant..which means they have ot be nit-picky to find something wrong with your wedding at all!!! ;)
Best of luck.
I guess I should mention that my sister's wedding was on the other side of the state (im in Michigan). Her husband's entire family and friends live in muskegon, where the wedding was held, and her entire family and friends are all from the metro detroit area and Canada. Everyone from the metro detroit area needed to get a hotel room.
The best part was that we all got to hang out as a family at the hotel in the hotel bar...which ended up being crazier than the actual wedding.
Note: your 52 year old stepfather karoke'ing to Pearl Jam's Last Kiss...hilarious.
Did you mean to say $130 per person in the first post?
So it's $130/night/room.
It sounds good for a 4 star hotel but we made sure to have a lower price point as well. We wouldn't have had a lot of people staying at the place we reserved rooms at or we would have heard a lot of complaining if we hadn't had something lower. And this isn't out of financially thin people, it's just some people would rather spend less.
That being said they could always go to a diff hotel and it's quite silly and mean to complain on facebook.
@edisonsgirl: It does not sound as though she is having a destination wedding. For most people it would be impossible to pick a place that NO ONE would have to travel to. If it is a destination wedding, then I would hope Starrynight would understand some invited guests, even close family can not because of the expense.
I'm planning on having my wedding in the city I was raised in. My mother moved here, married my father and I was raised her, but her entire side of the family is in her home state. My future FI's is mostly here, but his two sisters moved away. It's not our responsibility (nor is it possible) to place our wedding to make it so they don't have to travel.
On that note, I would be disappointed, but understanding if people couldn't make it because of travel expenses. Starrynight has arranged an excellent deal and it's just wrong ANYONE would complain publicly on Facebook for ANY reason about their siblings wedding.
@starrynight - if it were me, I would ask your FI to address this with them. Ask them why they feel it is to much, and if there is anything you guys can do to help them if this is such a financial burden. Have him let them know you and he are excited for them to join you, but disappointed and hurt to see them posting publicly about stress your wedding is causing them. My guess is they will shut up in a hurry.
@troubled: They're splitting it. Our rate is $80 a night, so taxes included comes out about right.
@flutterbi: Exactly. It's not a destination wedding, we're having it where I and my parents live. So maybe since no one else lives here, it is a destination wedding? I just feel like I'm being told I'm rude for not having it where his family lives and that really hurts. None of them left home except for him, and my family has lived all over the country, so maybe that's where a little bit of the travel issues come into play. I'll ask him to talk to them, but I know they'll expect him to pay.
And I also don't get why people can't use, say, the computer to find a rate they like more. They're obviously well-versed at the internet. Snarky perhaps, but true. Like allee2388 said.
My humble suggestion is to ignore what they wrote on FB and resume planning your wedding joyfully. I think that it is difficult to reach a resolution when the issues are emotionally driven, and I also think the following are true:
$130 is a good deal for a hotel, but some people cannot afford that.
If they cannot afford it, and they are adults, they should pursue finding a less expensive option, or refrain from attending, or suck it up and refrain from the tackiness of complaining about family on a public forum such as FB.
Many many people do not live in their hometowns, and will have out of town guests. It is not selfish to plan a wedding where one lives. It is also not selfish to plan a wedding on the moon, if that's what one wants, as long as she does not expect many guests. Exception: she can and is willing to pay for all of her guests to fly to the moon.
Just enjoy your time being a bride- don't sweat the small stuff!
Just completely ignore the whole situation. Everyone always bitches about what they are spending for other people's weddings. They will probably make up for their $130 in alchohol. If it turns out that $$ is truly an issue for them, offer to pay it. Otherwise, worry about more important things.
I pretty much agree with everyone here. See if the $130 is genuinely a problem for them, and if you're not hurting for money, offer to cover it for them. That being said, my fiance's sister HATES me and not only has she not lifted a finger to pay for her daughter's flower girl dress, but would not even come if we made her pay for her room (which really makes me wish I could ask her to pay for her room, but her kids are all in the wedding party). So some people are just haters and perhaps if they say something to your face, you could politely ask if it would be easier for their wallets and schedules if they not come and you guys all just meet up in their town next time you visit for dinner (split check) or something. How's that for a bit of snark?
I feel like whether they could afford it or not & whether she is being presumptuous or not (which I do not think she is) is not the issue. I think the issue is that it was really rude and disrespectful of both of them to complain about any aspect of her wedding where she or her FH could indirectly see/ hear it. Instead, they should have addressed her or her FH about their issues and they could have solved them together or at least come to an understanding. The way they did it seems to be petty and childish. If they really can't afford to be there, it is what it is. But they should not make her or her FH feel bad that they can not afford to go.
We got our guest $60 a night rate, one night minimum stay at a clean hotel. The hotel even provided an "evening brunch" for the guests the night of my wedding. That being said, I still had an uncle calling to ask about a $25 a night hotel he found in town. Now seriously, what do you think a $25 a night place looks like? I told him my aunt may not want to have to walk past hookers to get to her room!
People always complain. Come, or don't come. If you're coming, be happy for your free meal and drinks and shut the !@#$ up.
That's my opinion :)
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Fiance's entire family is coming from out of town. I've been really good, I thought, about keeping costs down for everyone, but I guess I was wrong. His brother and sister are all over Facebook complaining that the hotel for the weekend will cost them $130 each and how they can't believe they have to pay that much for their brother's wedding. For two nights in a four star hotel! Fiance and I are not financially hurting, so maybe we're a little skewed on what a reasonable hotel room should cost, but if they can't afford $130 for two nights, I don't know what else I can do. I just feel so depressed that people are acting like I'm making them spend atrocious amounts of money. It's really taken a lot of the fun out of it.