(Closed) Everything Appears to Going Wrong for Our Wedding – A Bit Emotional :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My advice is to pick your battles and set some very clear boundaries with family.

Post # 4
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@icetea:  agreed.

If your parents are being sketchy about a wedding budget, then move on and plan a wedding that you and your FI can pay for on your own. If your mom isnt getting the address list to you, then call/email the people yourself.

 

Post # 6
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I adopted the “FUCK IT” attitude early on in the wedding planning process. I typically get really anxious over little details and it stresses me out like crazy. Every time I went to my fiance for a problem, he kept telling me that as long as I am there on the day he could careless how everything else looks, etc. Eventually, he told me to say “FUCK IT” and move forward. 

 

So when the florist we were about to sign with stopped communicating with us, I said “FUCK IT” and started looking for a new one. I didn’t sit there and freak out like I normally would. I know I will have to say it again in a few weeks when I help my BMs/sisters pick out there shoes. I want one color and they are sold on another. And thinking about it, are their shoes going to destory my wedding day….NOPE.

 

Well, there is my advice. Hope things start looking up for you.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I basically took everything upon myself in the planning process when we got engaged. FI has been very supportive and helped out more than anybody else. Now that we are less than two months away people are starting to step up and offering to help. My parents completely surprised and told me three days ago that they would pay for the food!

My advice to you is that despite how sketchy everyone is being keep planning on what you can afford. Hopefully for your sake your parents will get things straightened out and figure out how much they will pay. As for your bridesmaids it’s your wedding and you get to choose what they wear!

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hey there — this really, really sucks. I can only imagine how hurt and frustrated you must feel. You just got engaged and want to excitedly plan, and these other folks just are making things pretty terrible.

 

Have you considered eloping? One of my friends who has asshole parents decided to do that. She and her man booked a trip to Florence, Italy. They then asked his best friend, and her best friend (me) to come with them. It was a wonderful weekend and they got married in a small courtyard in the morning, then we went to lunch at a lovely Italian restaurant. It was just very beautiful, very peaceful. I know there are also places like this in the USA too, like in Napa CA… 

Here is a link and pic of the place…http://www.italyweddings.com/villas/villa49.html

Post # 11
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mrschmura:  Best advice ever!!

Post # 12
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Coral99:  Thirty days out things started going wrong left and right, but somehow it didn’t get to me.  For example:

  • I ordered a beautiful Casablanca back January and it was delayed then came  in and it was the wrong dress, was supposed to be style 2033 and they made  2030.  So I had no dress. Fixed that, got a refund and miraculously found a  different dress I liked even better less than a month out.

 

  • We had a 60ft hole in our roof and a ceiling collapse inside due to a storm.  Relatives start arriving to stay at our house  for the wedding 21  days from the collapse.

 

  • Many key family members couldn’t come–My son, FI’s mom/brother, my mom/brother, and several others.

 

  • FI’s ring came and was 3 sizes too big, had to exchange it.

 

  • My ring came and was so beautiful…except for the error in the  engraving.  Sent it back and got it redone. 

There’s a lot more I can’t recall offhand–my point is, things will go wrong, but just remind yourself like I did of the big picture–you’re marrying the love of your life and as long as that happens, all is good!  It’s all just background noise.  Hang in there! 

Post # 13
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Coral99:  I am sorry and I, like other PP and brides, understand what you are going through! It’s no fun to want to enjoy the planning and have everything go along fairly well.  I can imagine what you mean when you say the Etsy code is just the thing that tipped you over.  

I second the earlier advice to just F it, and to roll with the punches. Sometimes you don’t know what’s going to happen, but the sun will still come up in the morning. You will still marry the love of your life. 10 years from now, you will never think of that Etsy code.  πŸ™‚ Family members who are less than supportive are harder to deal with than vendors you can replace/soon forget about, but I take people as they are and just know they are human and imperfect like me. And remember to myself that people learn manners from those who have none.  So it just reminds me to be even more supportive to others around me and how much that means to them!

So you know that you aren’t alone, I’ve only been engaged briefly and here are some of the things I’ve already dealt with:

1) Doing taxes the week after I was engaged and learning my new workplace for the last year didn’t withhold the amount I thought – and I owe thousands. I was sobbing. Not the way you want to start the year – now I am saving for the wedding, spending a huge chunk of my savings on taxes, and having more money withheld from my paychecks this year which means less money into my accounts than I’m used to so I won’t have the same tax issue next year.

2) When I looked at venues, my top choice thus far was supposed to hold our date for one week while we finished looking at places (and call me if someone else wanted to put down a deposit) and when I called back to book it was gone. In the time it took to choose a second venue, my friend who is a photographer called to tell me she had someone interested in my original date – I told her to go ahead and take the work since we were no longer sure about our venue. So then I had to move the date from April 26 to April 12 (the 19th is Easter and May didn’t work out for various reasons and I didn’t want to wait longer than that) to ensure I can have my friend there. And the 12 I’m guessing is more iffy in terms of warmth/clear weather in the early spring here in the midwest.

3) Got in a huge fight with my alcoholic mother while we looked for venues to the point I almost kicked her out of my car – I love my mom and she loves me but we were literally screaming at each other. I had to stop at a fast food place and go in to cool off while she was in the car. And I am a calm person.

3) Worst of all my otherwise minor issues so far, I called home to tell my parents where I was putting down a deposit and my brother answered their phone yelling for 911 hysterically. My mom was taken in an ambulance to an ER then transferred to ICU and almost died. Not long after my engagement. She was in the hospital for awhile and while still very sick is home and stable now thank God. But it was extremely scary. But in the aftermath, now don’t know whether I should have alcohol at my wedding (which my FI and all our friends will want) AND my parents have medical bills from that incident which means FI and I are paying for the rehearsal, wedding and honeymoon ourselves. FI’s dad was a police officer hit by a car not long after FI graduated and his mom has never been in his life. So we basically are doing this on our own.

4) Like you, many of my family haven’t congratulated us and havne’t been very supportive – when I told one family member she cried and said it is what it is (because she is sad that I won’t move to her city and be there for her daughter). Luckily for us, though, many others have been there for us and been very supportive and loving!

Even with all this, I am happy because I have enough to pay the taxes even if it will destroy my savings, my mom is alive and will, God-willing, be able to attend my wedding, and we have a great venue that we booked later along with my friend who will be there to photograph my wedding day. πŸ™‚ We’ll save money and will be married, and I’ll spend the rest of my life with a wonderful man. There will probably be more bumps in the road but man, I sure didn’t expect all these!! And could use a break! 

Here’s hoping things go better for you – I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts!!  No matter what happens, remember – the sun will come up tomorrow!!!

Post # 14
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Sorry – ha! I just looked at that after posting and basically wrote a book! Guess I needed to vent too. The Clif note version is – hang in there πŸ˜‰

Post # 15
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mrschmura:  Oh yeah! THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE! Choose not to stress over minute details!

We decided to do this rather than stress about wedding details we do not really care about and can not afford. Our wedding is July 26th and all we have planned is the church! It’s not ideal, but I am fine with it and relieved to not be stressing about party details.

If we can swing it financially, we’ll have a party afterwards. If we can’t, we won’t do anything. We won’t be going into debt over one day.

Also, I’m not going to kill myself trying to figure out how to have a big fancy party on a tiny budget. I have a lot of other things on my plate besides this wedding right now. Some brides are into that sort of thing, but I am not. I am not the sort of person who always dreamed about my dream wedding, so I suppose that helps!

Best of luck! Let go of the little stuff and you’ll have a lot better time of it! Also, don’t expect your family members to act any differently than they always have just because a wedding is involved. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior!

 

 

 

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