- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
This might be TMI, but I am just blissed out and in love and I need to write a post in praise of doing everything BUT have sex.
My FI and I dated for almost 5 years before doing the deed. In that time we built up a lot of physical and emotional intimacy through doing other things to please each other–manual and oral stimulation, LOTS of making out and groping, basically everything except intercourse. We were waiting because I wanted to, because I needed to be sure that he was the one, the only one. He waited with me because he loved me that much. We fought about it a few times, but it always came down to that. In the meantime, we kept ourselves entertained and interested by perfecting our oral and manual techniques, experimenting with different positions and ways of pleasing each other, and cuddling a lot (clothing optional).
When we finally had sex, it was easy. We were already incredibly comfortable with each other’s bodies, thanks to all of that experimenting. No awkwardness or shyness. We knew exactly the way our bodies wanted to move together, instinctually, and so we just let them, finally. It only took a couple of months before we were having sex that felt just mind-blowing to us, and it’s only gotten better since then.
About 3 weeks ago I told FI that I wanted to stop having sex until the wedding (3 months!). I want that night to be amazing, first of all, and second, I have some residual Catholic guilt to purge. He grumbles in a joking way, and he tries to tempt me (“The condoms are right in the drawer. You know you want it.” said with a twinkle in the eye.) but he’s taken my desire to wait (again) in stride. I feel like the next 3 months will be the foreplay for our wedding night–it will be such an amzaing night that it deserves 3 months of buildup! (And on that night we probably won’t bother with foreplay, so otherwise it would be completely skipped, haha!)
This evening, while kissing naked in our bed, fractions of an inch from penetration, he said, “Just look at our level of trust.” It was so true. I trust him completely, and a major reason for that is because of all the time we spent NOT having sex, but still being very intimate. I had to become really vulnerable and trust him to respect the firm line I’d drawn, even though it surely wasn’t easy for him to balance on that edge for so long. This is one of the things that make me feel sure that we’ll be able to last as a couple. If we can trust each other so deeply and keep this intimacy alive, nothing will ever come between us.
Have any of you had great experiences using what some people think of as only “foreplay” as the “main event”?
Have you built intimacy through waiting for sex? Have you experienced the trust I tried to describe?