Post # 1
not in a hurry to get anything under contract. I have the venue on hold, it’s supposed to be October 24th, 2009. I feel like I’m running out of time and I have nothing done yet. I am kind of freaking out today.
My mom just told me yesterday on the phone that "everytime I talk to her it’s all about the wedding and nothing else" … which means she’s sick of it.
I just got engaged the day after Valentines Day, and my mom basically has wanted nothing to do with it.
What the hell. Isn’t a mom supposed to be more excited and more involved? Shouldn’t I have more things going on and more stuff planned? I’m so upset and confused and I hate that my mom told me that yesterday. It really hurt my feelings.
Post # 3
I’m planning a wedding for October as well, and have very little help. Don’t freak out. If mom is not very inclined to planning a wedding, then–with all due respect to her– leave her out of the planning, it is better to do it with someone who would actually love to do it, and be willing to do it. Say like a friend, or a sister, or maybe even a brother!
The next 6 months is a lot of time to get things going and have your fiance help out as well. I have a friend that got engaged in March and got married in October, she marathoned through it, and had a lovely wedding that she planned all herself.
This can be done. I have very little grilfriends around and me and the fiance are practically doing this as a tag team.
I still have a lot of things to do, but I am confident things WILL BE DONE.
Hang in there.
Post # 4
Perhaps your parents are reacting this way as some sort of passive-aggressive indication that they are upset about something small (did your fiance talk with your parents before proposing?) or something huge (they hate his guts/family/life trajectory)?
I think, especially if you are close with your parents, you and your FH should schedule a sit down with them and ask them what’s really going on? Then, after you clear the air, you can start planning happily all together.
Let us know what happens and GOOD LUCK!
Post # 5
I’m so sorry to hear that. I like the isuggestion of enlisting a friend or sister. Also, can you hire a coordinator to help?
The only other thing I can say is that I’m getting married not too far away, and have looked into many local vendors. Please check out the "Detroit" board, and also feel free to PM me about any questions you might have.
Good luck with everything, and it will get done. I’m four months out and I feel like nothing’s done.
Post # 6
I think that sometimes, we get caught up in our weddings and that is all we talk about. I make sure to ask my mom about her day, her job, etc etc when I talk to her… I have to remind myself that although I’m crazy excited about this time in my life and in wedding-mode, it isn’t all about me and she might not be like that 100% of the time.
I would talk to your parents about everything– but instead of a casual conversation on the phone, go over (if possible) and talk to them about all of the main items that you need to get moving on. Even set up a bullet list & go over the items one by one. Let them know the timing, when decisions need to be made & when deposits are due. If you keep it matter of fact and keep the discussion focused, you might be able to get more accomplished.
Perhaps your mom thinks that you guys are just "discussing" these items if they come up in wedding-filled talks & doesn’t understand the timeline.
I think that, since you have almost 6 months left, you will be able to get everything done, but you definitely need to start securing your venue, and putting down deposits on your vendors ASAP!
Post # 7
Don’t stress! Your mom may not be ready to think about letting you go! I have had a lot more time to plan my wedding but one of the hardest things was getting my mom interested at first. She got a little shell shocked, as i like to put it. Try sitting down and telling her how you feel, and that you value her thoughts and opinions.
If she doesn’t seem to be that interested still, I would start getting creative and thinking about what you want. This way you have a solid direction to go in when your mom does decide she wants to give some input.
I agree with BeachBrideT that sometimes we do get caught up in our own weddings, and I think it’s rightfully so, but we need to remember that others are at different points in their lives. I find myself almost obsessing over it during the day. A good way to keep a balance is to set up a stress relief plan. Personally I have set out a work out regimen for myself that way I have time for just me, my ipod and the road (I’m a big runner). It’s a great way for me to clear my mind, and refocus when I get over stressed.
Post # 8
Are your parents supposed to be paying? Maybe they don’t have the money right now? The stock market and economy have hit the older generation very hard with savings, etc. My parents lost around 150k in the market this year. They aren’t wiped out or anything, but they’ve had to put off trips, etc. to see how things go.
Also, and this is a little harder to deal with…maybe she’s just not into weddings? My mother is totally not into weddings, etc. and I let that get to me when I was planning mine and I ended up eloping! I hate that and now that we talk about renewing our vows, she’s totally into it. Wouldn’t you know?
I think you just need to sit down and talk to her. I don’t suggest taking your FI with you the first time. It sounds like you need a little mother/daughter time to see what’s going on.