Weddingbee boards

I apologize ahead of time, this will probably be long...

So it has been kind of a rough weekend.  Yay for long weekends, right? Wrong. It started off well, us hanging out Friday night with my sis and her bf, went to a festival and had a great time. Then we all went back to my BF's house and hung out for a bit. After the two of them left, I was planning on leaving shortly thereafter as I had to get up early the next morning.  However, this was the moment that BF decided to talk. 

He had been acting funny since the past weekend.  We had had a great time taking a trip 2 hrs away to visit old friends, but on the way there he had seemed moody. I tried to get him to talk, but he wouldnt, so i just decided to have fun and not worry about it until he wanted to talk. Well, Friday night we talked. Until 3am.  Im glad we did. Basically he was upset about some petty things that he needn't worry about.  To make a long story short, a few months ago I started getting heavily involved in one of my outside activities, not on purpose but there were just a ton of events to go to and I went to them.  I might not have gone to all of them but I was in a pissy mood since BF hadn't proposed and was trying to keep myself occupied so as not to worry about it so much.  Well, that plan backfired as one of the guys involved in that outside activity started flirting with me-a LOT. ANd BF started to notice and get jealous/upset.  He wasn't mad at me, bc he knew I wouldnt flirt back, but he was more upset with himself because he felt inadequate and like he couldn't get me some of the things that guy/that activity could provide, like free concerts all the time ( I LOVE concerts). He thought that maybe I was bored with him and was moving on.  That was not the case, but I did want him to notice that I was capable of having fun outside of just with him, and I guess I did want to make him a little jealous.  Looking back, now, I realize that was wrong, but it didnt help that I was in the angry/upset phase of the waiting cycle (THanks, DreamingBee!) But lately anytime ANYThing relating to that outside activity or that dude comes up, BF gets in his bad mood.  I try to reassure him that he has nothing to worry about, and he says he knows not to, but then he stays in his mood.  I think I am going to back off from that activity for a while....

We have since resolved our issues, but every once in a while he gets moody again, which is not like him.  He never used to get like that before all of this happened.  He has said that he was ready to just go out and buy a ring on credit before all of this drama, but he didn't because of it. He said that might have been a bad idea bc of interest rates and such (he would have had to put it on a credit card back then). Part of me feels like he said that just to make me upset since i upset him, and part of me thinks there is a little truth to that.

Well, anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was at a picnic with his family and their family friends. I posted a little while back about a conversation with his SIL. She is a few years older and dated his brother for about 4 or 5 yrs before they got engaged. At one point she and i were left alone and the first thing she asked me, without being provoked, was if i was getting anxious about not being engaged. I didnt know how to answer, bc i didnt wanna feel like i was talking behind BF's back to his family. So I kind of said, "Well, it has been over 4 years so of course I think about it" to try to avoid the topic if possible.  She egged on a little bit, saying that those boys drag their feet and how she almost left the brother bc he hadnt proposed yet.  I mentioned that part of the reason we werent engaged is bc of some of the craziness going on lately, like the fact that we are saving to move out, plus how we are trying to figure out some things we had been having issues with (Aka-our recent relationship issues, but i didnt go into those details or tell her anything else). That is about all I said-I wanted to keep it vague.  I wanted to tell her to keep it to herself but the boys came back and we just shut up.

Well, this past Saturday while I was at an appointment, my BF talked to his brother--the husband of the SIL i talked to. From what BF said, at first the brother was asking him why he was afraid to get engaged.  I guess the SIL was trying to take my side in a sense and see what was up.  BF told him that we had talked about it and that it was all in the works.  Then, bc the bro knew that BF had been really upset lately, BF had to tell him about our little relationship issues.  Please know that nothing bad had happened, no cheating, no break ups, nothing incredibly horrible.  All of the drama has just been enhanced by the fact that we both want to move out, we both want to get engaged, both are really annoyed with the ppl at home who are getting on our cases about stupd things, but we are broke, and that BF just started a new job and it's kind of stressful. Well, once his bro heard about our rel. issues he said that "Nobody can be that naive to not know when someone is flirting with them." When bf told me that, it made me feel like crap, bc yes, I had been a bit naive about it--i thought the dude and i were just friends and didnt realize the guy wanted more. But now I felt like his bro thinks I'm some cheating slut! (sorry about the language).  BF assured me that this wasnt the case, but I still feel like he may look at me different now.  I mean, it's his brother, of course he is going to defend him, but I feel like he shouldnt jump to conclusions bc he doesnt know how minor that situation was.  And it doesnt help that of all of BF's family, i feel like i know that brother the least bc he lived in another country for the first 3 years of our relationship so i feel like I am still "wooing" him in a sense. Ugh!

On top of all of THAT, bc BF has been in a bad mood lately, and I have been really busy with work, practices, football season, and other activities, his mom was convinced that we were breaking up.  Apparently she has thought this about all his brothers with all girls at diff times, so its not the biggest deal--she just worries a lot--but it doesnt help our situation.

THen, on Sunday night we went to meet at a friend's house for some fireworks.  There were a ton of ppl there, and BF and I were hanging out together, having fun, holding hands, etc all afternoon.  When it came time for the fireworks everyone went up the block to the viewing place. There were so many ppl there that you had to kind of push through the crowd to get a spot.  BF is tall--over 6 feet, and I am only 5 1/2 feet tall, so I wanted to make sure i was in a place where i could see. I started standing by BF but couldnt see, and he was talking to someone, so I moved, literally like 3 feet forward so i could see better. I kept looking back but BF was talking to the dude.  Well, the fireworks started and he was still back there, so i just waitied, hoping he would come up. He never did and at one point he disappeared. Someone said a few of them went to get some beer, so i figured he went too. Well, after the fireworks i couldn't find him. I called for him, no answer. I went back to the house with some ppl, hoping he went back too. Nope, not there. So i grabbed a sweatshirt and went out to find him. Another girl came with me, she didnt want me walking by myself. We went back to the viewing place. It was dark so I called his name, no answer. We walked around a little and at one point we saw a tall guy walking away and she was like, "is that [BF]?" It was so I ran after him--he was heading back toward the house. He wouldnt stop walking, was clearly pissed off, and i couldnt stop him. I even lost my shoe but kept going to stop him. When i realized he didnt want to stop and talk, i got upset and ran off the opposite direction. The friend handed me my shoe and i told her to get him. I just ran, i didnt know where i was going, i was so upset.  A couple min later i got a call from BF. He followed me as much as he could then lost me. He found where i was when he called and came up to me. I started crying when i saw him and asked why he ran away. he said he didnt want to talk bc he didnt want to say anything in front of that girl. We went to a private area and he basically said he was upset bc i walked away from him during the fireworks, and all the couples were together for the fireworks except us. I told him i was waiting for him to come over, and he said the same thing about me. We are both so stubborn that we just let it get that way. its both of our fault. I know we were drinking, so we got a little more emotional than we would have other wise, and we got over it, but it definitely put a damper on the night. We were fine after that, though. You guys prob think my BF is a big baby, lol, and he was being one, but i think its bc he was upset about other things and this just made it worse.

So BF and I talked a few more times after all of that.  We cleared up a few more things that he was upset about but shouldnt have been--he had the wrong info on some of them.  We both agreed that if we could just run away to a new city by ourselves we would be perfect, bc when its just us 2 everything is soooo good. It's just the pressure of ppl asking us "When will it happen," his mom stressing, me worried about how his family thinks of me now (they love me and i love them, and i have never doubted any of it until now, even though I know I am stressing for no reason), then we would be ok.  I just want to get past all of this and start our lives together. I told him i would go down to the court house today and skip the hoopla of a big wedding (which i do want) just to be married to him bc i love him and just want him, not all this drama.

He was feeling better but he just said he was sad that he had to tell his brother about our pending engagement plans. He wanted it to be a surprise to everyone--he wanted to be the little brother who is capable of doing things by himself and he wanted to be able to show up one day with a gorgeous rock on his love's finger.  That was very sweet of him, but i also told him that nobody will be surprised at this point--it has been so long, it's obvious to all that we will get married.

After the talks he and i have been back to our lovey-dovey selves, so i know all of this drama is not going to break us, i am just tired of dealing with it. For 4 years we had very little to no drama and i can't take all of this at once.  Is it just because we are that close to marriage? and trying to move out?? and people asking all the time????  Why is this getting so crazy right now??!

PS-on top of that, a girl on my squad announced on Facebook today that she got engaged this weekend.  I congratulated her and was happy for her, but it still felt like a blow that it wasnt my turn.  Talk about the icing on the cake.

Sorry that was so long. Thanks for sticking it out if you did.  Any comforting words would help right now.

PS-sorry that was so freaking long. I understand if nobody wants to read it all, but it felt good just to get that off my chest if nothing else.

@dance: Thanks so much, even that made me feel a little better--in fact I almost cried.  that is where my emotions are right now, lol. God, I'm a mess.  can someone just go give him a kick in the butt for me???

@DreamingBee: wow, thanks for the insight on that article.  I had often wondered that--i know i do it too, and realize later that all i really craved was affection.  I am pretty sure that's what all this is about bc he didnt do any of it until he thought there was a possibility that I might not want to be with him.

I am thinking that a lot of it also stems from us not living together or even living within a few minutes of each other. It is always a drive.  At first it was fine but I think now we are over it and just want to wake up together every day.I hope that once we FINALLY find a place to live, some of this will be fixed (not all, but at least some)

Thanks for this, that makes a lot of sense and makes me feel like there is a reason besides him just being a baby and me wanting to be married. Next time we talk I want to bring it up, and also tell him that sulking off is no way to resolve an issue.

@DreamingBee: you're one smart cookie :)

I will let you know how it goes. I definitely don't want to sound like a second mom to him.  That's good advice, thanks :)

@CupcakeLove: Thanks, Cupcake :) The words of encouragement help a lot. I know some things I need to talk to him about now, but now I just need to find the best time to talk without him thinking I'm always bringing up the topic. But that made me feel a bit better