Everything is happening at once and I'm so stressed

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsRoberts52:  Sorry you are feeling so frazzled.

First of all, getting  a pacemaker inserted is a pretty routine procedure. There is always risk with any surgery, but your Dad will likely be feeling better and more energetic than ever post-op.

As far as the will is concerned, be grateful that your Dad has put his affairs in order now. If you think dealing with a will might be difficult, imagine what dealing with his estate would be like without a will.  Too many people avoid discussions about dying and their estate. This way, you know exactly what your Dad wants done with his estate and so does the rest of your family. Also, by specifying a specific amount for the half siblings, the court will know that he didn’t just forget about them.

I was the executor of my mother’s estate a couple of years ago. The executor is allowed to hire a lawyer paid for by the estate. I channeled all communications with one sister through the lawyer, as I knew she would be on the attack, and she was. I simply refused to discuss the estate with her and referred her to the lawyer. She was copied on all communications that went to all the sisters. Just refuse to be drawn into discussions with your half brother and keep repeating ” This is what Dad wants.”

Try not to worry about all of these things at once. I learned many years ago that worrying accomplishes nothing, only drains you of energy needed for other things.

 

Post # 3
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

A pacemaker is a routine procedure, and I’m sure your dad will be just fine 🙂

My sister was in a similar situation – her FIL was getting a pacemaker and sorting out his Will and everyone was freaked out.. and he was, and still is, absolutely fine. You’ll feel a ton better once this surgery is over.

Regarding the rest of your family, just remind them that this is your father’s will, not theirs, and not yours. Tell them ”This is what Dad wants”. If they can’t deal with that and money is more important to them than their sister, that’s their problem and you don’t have to talk to them.

Good luck and try not to worry.. no point worrying about things that haven’t happened yet.

Post # 4
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MrsRoberts52:  Sorry your dad is having surgery, but it is pretty routine. He could live another 25 years or more so I wouldn’t worry about all the possible family drama right now.

And you’re not alone, everyone has junk on their plate.

Post # 5
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 

MrsRoberts52:  sorry you are going through all this.. First things first you wont be a disappointment they selected you for a reason. Second point- its kind of morbid that details are being discussed when your dad hasnt passed. Even if it is your brother that is just wrong. To save yourself the stress- just say dad is still finalizing things and things can continue to change so I will not discuss this unless we are in the situation where the will is actually going to be executed. Your dad’s older kids opinion doesnt matter focus on your family and your friend that is moving. And lastly- anything can change, your friend may change their mind and end up staying or they could move but it doesnt mean the friendship has to change. Only deal with the things you definitely know you have to and it will help it be a little less overwhelming

Post # 6
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

Sorry you have so much on your plate! I hope your dad’s surgery goes well and that he recovers quickly. I’m sure once he gets through that you will feel much better about everything, and hopefully you’ll have no need to deal with any of the will stuff for many years to come.  Push the wedding stuff out of your mind for a bit. It sounds like your FI could be willing to contribute to planning, and I’m sure he will understand if you want to limit your stress over the next month. Don’t be terrified about messing everything up. You’re obviously a very capable person if your parents trust you with the business and to be executor.

Post # 7
Member
4758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I just sent you a private message. 

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