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My brothers are 7 and 9 years older than me. Yes, the age gap is big, but that doesn't mean that we didn't get along. The younger of the two and I are really close and we hang out all the time. He was one of the people that I chose to go with me to buy my wedding dress, we can hang out and talk for hours. If we can get along like we do, so can your children.
Don't worry about the age gap. I have two brothers and get along better with the one 10 years younger than me then the one 2 years younger than me. I always thought it was due to us being too close in age and therefore competitive.
You're just having a normal freak out, take some time and just relax and work through your fears. I think most of us have gone through this. I hope you're in a more peaceful place soon :)
As for the age difference of the kids, it might make them closer actually. My brother and I were only 22 months apart and we were never close. When our parents divorced when I was 19, we finally got to know each other a little and then we went our separate ways.
I think this happends to everyone. Maybe not the same issue but its scary some times. Also im sure you can still have fun once you are married. I for one know my Fi lets me have girl night and I iet him have man time when he needs it to. That way we both can have fun. Plus you can look forward to having lots of family fun too with your daughter and husband.
I felt the same way as you before I got married, its so crazy to have so many life changes at once.
I have to say though now that i'm married, I love having people over. I might not go out per say but I invite people all the time. It's really fun.
I wouldn't worry about the baby situation. They will be friends. I'm 7 years apart from my baby sister and we have so much fun together.
My advice is get married and settle in, than look into career change. You'll fall into place don't worry. Just try to enjoy the feelings right now even if they are stressful ones.
don't worry about the age gap. my sister and i are 4 years apart and we are incredibly close. i don't think ages have anything to do with it :)
i think it's normal to get scared. i am at the point where a lot of things are changing, and i agree it's scary! sometimes i think life would be easier if i just stayed 13 forever... except we know that's not true :)
just take a few deep breaths and realize how lucky you are to be where you are. and enjoy watching your little girl grow up! there are some other fun ages between 2 and 18 hehe.
aw, im sorry ur feeling this way, but its so normal!! yea things will change, but some things will only change as much as you let them!! i have a friend who doesnt come out so much anymore...but her husband is the controlling time. otherwise i dont think most of my married friends have changed much. sure priorities change, but they're still the same people. my fiance and i arent the type to feel we have to do everything together, have all the same friends and hang out as couples all teh time...we both like our time to do what we like to do without each other...thats healthy, u have to. so if u guys are liek that, then that doesnt have to change!
as far as age difference, its more based on personality how close they will be. i have a brother 5 years younger than me, and hes like my little baby..i had so much fun playing 'mommy' to him when we were little. i have a friend who's 27, parents had her at 18, so she has a brand new baby brother and she just adores him. theres different ways to be close so dont worry about that!!
yea its all a little scary...but i think its all gonna be so much fun too, a whole new phase in life. it will take some adjusting, but it will be worth it! hope u feel better soon!!!
I know you say you're scared to change, but it could be a good thing. I think when people get married, they definitely do go through that change from 20-something bar hopping social butterflies to opting to stay home on Saturday night cooking a nice meal. Not everyone, but you know ...
But I've come to find that the change is really good, actually. For my husband and I, we lived together for four years before we got married, so it wasn't a huge change, but there was definitely this label we had ... the "married" label, and I'm not gonna lie, it's a great feeling :) Things just kind of come together. It's funny that you mentioned starting a business, because I've been making plans to do the same. I find that now I'm married, I have the support system I need to really put my energy into this.
It's natural to fear change, but just remember, it's a natural progression in life, and it's usually a good one :) If it wasn't, no one would ever get married!
Sounds like some normal fear about change and going through the next chapter. It will be OK.
First, about the friend. I don't know. I'm a stay at home mom, so it kind of hurts to hear you're annoyed at her and she doesn't have a job. (Kind of like you disapprove or don't value that.) I'm not sure that you meant it that way. And honestly, I know, even as a mom, that sometimes it gets annoying when friends don't seem to make any time for you when they have a husband and kids. But it does get hard. And when the end of the day comes and you get the opportunity to do soomething, you're too dang tired. But that's what people do. They change. Once you all are married with kids, there's a good chance you'll see a bunch less of each other. If you and your friends are located in the same city, consider yourself lucky. I have a lot of friends who have moved away, including me. That's even harder.
Sure you won't date again. But think of it this way. No annoying creepy guys or blind dates. No nosy aunts asking when you'll settle down. No anxiety about going to your cousin's wedding without a date or trying to find one.
I know a bunch about kids getting bigger and wanting them to stay little. But I try to think that, really you don't want them to stay little. You want to see what they'll accoplish in their lives. You want to know they've grown into decent human beings who can take care of themselves. As hard as it is to let go of those cute and cuddly years. They were meant to grow. And we moms have no choice but to go with the flow. Also with regards to the kids and their age differences, I say let it go. I know that's hard, but you don't always know what life will give you. You might have trouble having another. You might have twins. You might want a boy next time and end up have three girls. I think life will be a bit easier if you can try to be zen about things. You know the serenity prayer...
Good luck with the job thing. you don't have to have it figured out at 26. Keeps your eyes open to what interests you. I herar ya though. I feel like i have so many interests, it's hard to know what direction to head in.
I dont know...Im just worried about everything...I guess Im at that age where things start to change a lot...I will just have to get used to it...
Thanks everyone for your advice! I will try to relax and let things flow.
@Tanya, I definitely wasn't trying to imply that I don't approve of my friend being a stay at home mom. I might be doing that in a few years. What I don't like about her relationship is that he has complete control over her and her life. I can't stand that her husband doesn't help with anything and she thinks its ok. She has completely lost who she was before marriage/mommyhood. It just makes me sad. I don't think that I have changed too much, but we will see what happens after marriage lol!
There's this part in Alice Through the Looking Glass where the Red Queen starts madly running through the forest with Alice racing behind. However, the scenery never changes. When Alice questions why they are running, the Queen responds that to stay in the same place, you have to work extra hard to beat back the natural progression of life. So it's scary to change, but it's also unnatural not to change. I have to remind myself of this too. Not dating again isn't the problem for me, but since we don't live together now, losing my living independance and the ability to sit around in a house that needs to be cleaned while watch tv and eating chips is what I will mourn!
As for the age difference, my sister is 9 years younger than me and we have never ever had a fight. Even though I was basically her mum growning up, we are best friends now, and talk every single night. I don't think age matters at all. I think what matters is how parents foster a positive relationship between their kids.
It's going to be okay! Just breath and remember that your friend is not the norm. Yeah, life is going to change once your married but you'll still be who you are now!
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I dont know what my deal is...but Im having a bit of a freak out. It hit me yesterday that Im super scared about getting married and all the changes that have happened and that are coming.
My friends and I are getting older (we're only 26, but still) and we're changing. 2 of my close friends have kids (me too), but I am pretty fortunate and can go out and have fun when I want to. My one friend, who's in my wedding party, got married in Sept and is TOTALLY different now. She doesn't drink, doesn't go out, doesn't do ANYTHING...pretty sure she will bail on my bachelorette party when that comes around! She doesn't have a job, she's a stay at home mom with 2 kids and her husband doesn't do ANYTHING to help her. I just get so annoyed with her and how much shes changed. I mean, this girl used to NEVER want to get married, never had kids, she was going to school to be a doctor...now shes a stay at home mom.
2nd...I'm getting married...I'm so scared!!! I mean...its exciting and Ive been with my fiance for 5 years now...but I won't ever date again or anything...its a scary thought sometimes..
3rd...My daughter is 2 now!! She's growing up and I can't stop it...I want her to stay little!! Shes so perfect in everyway...and I want her to stay like this!!
I want another little baby, but I can't have one until after the wedding, which means that my daughter and the baby will be 3.5 years apart! I want the kids to be close to each other, but I worry cause my brother and I are 3 years apart and couldnt be any more different!
4th-I like my job but I dont see myself staying there forever. I want to do something that I LOOOOVE. I'd love to own a business...but I dont know what I would want to do! I have SO many interests, but nothing that pulls at me. I'd like to go back to school, but I worry about having the discipline to actually do it. OYY!
I dont know...Im just worried about everything...I guess Im at that age where things start to change a lot...I will just have to get used to it...