Post # 1
Ok so heres the deal… My wedding is in 2 weeks and last week i got a text message from one of my bridesmaids saying that she was going to leave her fiance but wait until after the wedding and asking me to please not say anything to my soon to be husband. Her fiance has been a friend of mine since I was like 8, and is my fiances best friend. I told her i couldnt keep it from my soon to be husband because it would start issues between us, and i knew after telling him that he would also tell her fiance. So obiously her fiance got told and i very nicely told her that maybe it would be better if she just came to the wedding with him instead of being a bridesmaid that way if anything happened between now and than she wasnt expected to be there and if something happened at the wedding she was free to leave instead of having to stay since she was in the bridal party. Well I am sure you all can guess how smooth that went over… NOT WELL… Her ad her fiance decided they were going to try and work things out…. after her telling me that she will not sell the dress to me, she decided she would. He fiance came and talked to us while she was working the other night and explained to us what her plan was… Her plan was to sell me the dress back for 180$ and then the day before the wedding he was supposed to tell us that he couldnt be the best man in the wedding so either way she was out to ruin the wedding. And had I not told my soon to be husband and this all went down after the wedding then him and i would have been in a fight because i didnt tell him to start with… Like I said either way she screwed me… So now I am not buying the dress which she is REALLY mad about and telling her fiance she is leaving him and and going to have him arrested for keeping their baby and so on…. CRAZY FREAK!!! So then after that all happend… she posted on facebook to saying that she was going to have a trash the dress party the day of the wedding and asking who wanted to join… her sister commented on her facebook post and they are planning to crash the wedding… OHWELL GOOD LUCK…. This has been the most stressful thing i have ever had to live through… However I am not letting it bother me at all now… Im just feeling like i messed everything up…
PS I found out last night too that when she picked the dress up from the dress shop she refused to try it on and when she tried it on when she got home it wouldnt even come close to zipping… She had it planned to trash my wedding from the start but im not going to let it…
Post # 3
WOW.. You did the right thing by telling your FI. She should know most women tell their future hubbys everything and if she didn’t want him to know she shouldn’t have told you. As for her saying she is going to crash your wedding I would kindly let her know that if she in any way tries to ruin your wedding you will take legal action. She sounds like a crazy broad and I think you should be glad you did this before hand instead of her being a BM and probably still trying to ruin your wedding.
Post # 4
You definitely did the right thing. It’s better to be in the know about what she’s planning than to have had it all spring up on you! I can’t believe some people…no matter how mad I am or how much I dislike someone, I could NEVER try to ruin someone’s wedding! What a B!!!!! I hope everything works out for you, don’t worry about her and don’t stress!!!
Post # 5
I think you did the right thing under the tough circumstances. If she was a true friend she wouldn’t have put you in that situation to begin with. It is for the best that she isn’t at your side for the wedding because she doesn’t deserve it. Can you get some security or something or have your planner on watch if you are worried about her crashing?
Post # 6
I think you did the right thing on telling your fiance and being honest with him!!!
Although, I do not agree with telling her she shouldn’t be a bridesmaid, only 2 weeks before the wedding. If she is thinking about leaving her husband, she is already going through a tough time and I am sure she needed a friend more then she needs someone kicking them outa there wedding. Not only is that embarrassing for her but she spent $$ to be in the wedding …. Plus if she really was planning it then why would she have told you about her plan to leave her husband? She was confiding in you. And of course she is going to say NOW that she was planning all this stuff all along, she is trying to be a bitch and hurt your feelings like you hurt hers. If she was enough of a friend to be your BRIDESMAID then you should trust that she wasnt planning all of this all along! ……. I think you need to make things RIGHT with her before your wedding, not only for your sanity, but it sounds like for hers as well..
Post # 7
Maybe she was going to wait until after your wedding to leave him in order to avoid all this drama…? Personally I think I would have stayed out of it.
Post # 8
All you need to do is hire one or two security, give them a guest list and inform your guests that when they arrive they must inform your own “reception staff” so that your “staff” can direct them to the correct table/ seat number or whatever. I would never refer to them as security, so use the table plan as an excuse.
By the way you did the right thing, and if she didn’t want anyone to know she shouldn’t have told anyone!
One more thing, send her the money for the dress ASAP and tell her to do whatever the hell she wants with it. Don’t let this woman have any hold over you whatsoever.
Post # 9
@Westwood: Never heard of crazy women dumping husbands and boyfriends at weddings where there are a big crowd of their friends and family present. It was only a few weeks ago where this bee posted that her brother in laws wife used their wedding to hand her brother in law her divorce proceedings.
Post # 10
I disagree— if a friend tells us something and asks us to keep it in confidence, then we need to honor that request. Unless her secret had a direct impact on your Fi then you should have done as she asked and kept it under your hat till after the wedding. She was never planning on NOT letting your fiance know; she just asked for a couple of weeks to get herself in order and honor the commitments she had already made.
Our friends have to be able to trust that we will keep private those things they tell us in confidence. Of course if she were to tell a secret that involved your fiance and had an impact on you— for example if they were having an affair— that changes things. But because this secret was about her relationship with her own SO and had only a marginal impact on your fiance in that he had a close relationship with the SO, you should not have broken her trust. That is likely what sent things spiralling out of control, especially given the highly emotional state of your friend.
Post # 12
That is crazy!!!! I’m glad you found out about it beforehand. How long have you been friends with her? Have you seen her exhibit this kind of behavior in the past towards yourself/others?
Post # 13
Guess I’m the odd one out because if a close friend told me something this serious in confidence I would not tell my husband.
Post # 14
I think things went wrong when you and your FI alerted her FI that she was going to leave him, thats their business. By doing that you guys got yourself stuck right in the middle of a shit storm and unfortunately you brought it upon yourself.
This is way too much drama for me, good luck it seems like youre going to need it, she sounds like a piece of work.
Post # 15
@Irish-bride: Nope I’ve never heard of that being a common occurrence. Obviously I don’t know these people, but the first thing that went through my head was that she was waiting to leave him in order to not disrupt her friend’s wedding too much. I would think it would be very possible that one of them would not attend the wedding if it was a messy breakup, and that might be an issue if they’re both in the bridal party. OP kind of brought this on herself by telling her fiance instead of keeping her confidence IMO.
Post # 16
Honestly, I think you should have stayed out of it and not said anything to your FI. Your friend was trying to confide in you and you blew her trust. Do you not have secrets between your and your girlfriends? You didn’t have to tell your FI or if you did, he didn’t have to tell his friend. I know it would have been hard, but I I think you should have done it for your friend. Why wouldn’t your FI understand? He doesn’t need to know all of discussions between you and your girlfriends. In my opinion, you are the ones that created all the drama. It really sounded like your BM was trying to wait until after the wedding to avoid this exact situation.
Also, I think it was super crappy of you to kick your friend out of your wedding party. That right there is pretty much a friendship ending move. I can see why she didn’t want her FI to be in the wedding either. If she kicked you out of her wedding party would you still want your FI to be friends with her and her FI? Did you also uninvite her from the wedding? Is that why she is planning to crash? I agree that she shouldn’t be and that’s a bit extreme. However, if you’re not buying the dress, it doesn’t matter what she does with it.
Anyway, I do understand that she put you in a tough spot and that sucked. And I’m sorry my opinion was harsh, but I do feel you and your FI are in the wrong here. I do hope you have a lovely wedding and that she becomes the bigger person and doesn’t try and ruin it.