Post # 1
So I know a lot of bees on here have step-parents or are step-parents themselves.
It seems like its a very touchy and sticky situation. Because you have some step-parents who come into the picture after the child fully understands the situation, and you have the step-parent that was present in that child’s life at a very young age, if not from the beginning.
I have seen and also been a product of STEP situations. I personally think it is up to the child to what they choose to call you, no matter how invested the step parent is in their life. For example, FI has a step-mom, who is more than the typical step-parent, however he chooses to call her by her name. Where as she’ll introduce him as her son.
I’m not a step-parent, however I have heard of some step-parents calling their step-children their bonus child. Which I love!! I think it’s perfect, although their not “yours” they are in your heart and it was a bonus when marrying your SO.
Anyone have a special name for their step-parent or any step-parents have a special name for their step-child?
Please this is not to offend anyone I just thought I’d share the bonus child line.
Post # 3
@eecuadrado: I have a step mom that I got when I was an adult and I call her by her first name. If I had to make an introduction I’d probably say this is my Dad xx and his wife yy.
I also have a step dad I got when I was a kid. I call him dad. But probably because my brother and sister call him dad and I didn’t want to be left out. He also refers to me this day as his kid even though he is no longer married to my mom.
Post # 4
@sugar_biscuit: Thanks for sharing I like how you have two different types of step-parents and call them both different things.
Post # 5
My dad refers to his step-mom by her name. She would never refer to him as her son, either. But she didn’t marry my grandfather until my dad was an adult, so that’s why.
A friend of mine is married to a guy who is a bit older than her and has a son from a previous relationship. Apparently, the kid’s biological mother is really unreliable and doesn’t make much of an effort to see the kid unless it’s convenient for her (the child lives with his dad and my friend, his step-mom). My friend refers to the child as her son and he calls her Mom.
I found it kind of odd when they were first married, but I guess if the kid (who is 8, I think) is fine with it, that’s all that matters. Especially in a situation where his “real” mom isn’t around much.
Post # 6
@eecuadrado: Although both of Mr. 99’s children bear an extraordinary resembleance to me, most people don’t even question it…but, our daughter is actually quite petite at 5’2″….since her father and I stand at 6″ and 6’4″ respectively, they sometimes give us a quizzical look, or ask as a joke, what happened there? To which I reply, “I subcontracted.”
Post # 7
@annb9: I think all of their personal situations and choices are super understandable thanks for sharing.
Post # 8
@Nona99: bahahahahah “I subcontracted” too funny!
Post # 9
Both of our parents are divorced but only FFIL has married again and it was when FI was an adult. We call her by her first name and I would introduce her as my step-mother-in-law. The rest of the parents have significant others that we refer to by first name, or Dad’s GF, Mom’s BF, etc.
Post # 10
My FI and his ex found out she was pregnant after they broke up and right after he and I started dating. I was with him throughout the whole pregnancy so SS had all 3 of us right from the start. It was hard at first but we figured it out. We now split custody 50/50 and get along really well. When SS was learning to speak, he couldn’t pronounce my name so he called me a nickname. Now that he’s 4 1/2, he still calls me that name but he sort of treats it like a title. He says things like ‘this is my mommy, this is my daddy, this is my seesee”. All 3 of us call him ‘our’ kid because he is. We just went to the elementary school open houses last night and had a fun time explaining our situation to the teachers lol. SS’ mom likes to say we’re like modern family.
Post # 11
@eecuadrado: My stepchildren, even the two who were 10 and 12 when DH and I were dating, call me by my first name. My younger stepson affectionately refers to me as “Imposter Mom” on rare occasions. I actually find it to be endearing, because he means it in a cute way.
I refer to all of them as my stepchildren when discussing them with anyone who does not know that I am their stepmother. When referring to them in connection to DH and I parenting them at our house (where they live 50 percent of the time), I sometimes will use the term “our kids” or “our children” or even “my kids” or “my son” or “my daughter” when I know that the person to whom I am speaking already is aware that that I am not their mother.
I do consider them to be “my kids,” but I am always very aware and respectful of the fact that I am not their mother and that they already have a wonderful, loving mother whom they all love very much and with whom they are very close.
I chose not use the term “bonus” son or daughter, because, to me, it makes more sense for someone who already has children of his or her own to use that term when referring to additional children who came into their lives through marriage.
Post # 12
I met my step mom when I was 9 and have always called her by her first name, if I’m introducing her to someone I say step mom. She calls me her daughter.
DH is DDs step dad and she almost always refers to him as daddy. But she’s two
Post # 13
My older three brothers are from my mom’s first marriage. My oldest brother calls my dad by his first name, the other two call him Dad. They knew him since they were 5-8, not because my mom dated him, because he was their teacher.(long story). The middle brother of the older three passed away and his children made sure that the place for Fathers Name on the Death Cert was our Dad’s name. Apparently you can do that. Our Dad has always referred to them as his sons, even the oldest.
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I’ve had two stepmoms in my life, one I couldn’t stand and one that I love to death (thankfully, she is my current stepmom!). For both of them I’ve called them by their name to their face and when referencing them to people who know them, and “my stepmom” when referring to them in a broad sense.
“My dad’s wife” doesn’t roll off my tongue very well because she is still a parent figure to me, even though I met her when I was in college.
My first stepmom called me her stepdaughter I think, but my current stepmom skips it and just calls me her daughter. Some may find it strange or imposing, but I find it sweet. She never tried to take my mom’s place, in fact they were actually on really good terms, all things considered. My mom *hated* the first SM just like I did, hah!
Post # 15
I have always called my step parents by name; I was 10 when my mom met my step dad, and 14 when my dad met my step mom, so it would have been weird to call them anything else. When I talk about them to other people I usually just say “my parents”….seems odd to always clarify “my mom and my step dad” etc. every time.
I do call my step sister my sister though, although I don’t call my step brother my brother. He’s older and I don’t see him much so we’re not close. My sister was 4 when our parents got married though, so I’ve seen her grow up from an annoying 4 year old to a really cool 16 year old. She is just so smart and weird…such a cool person! We’re pretty close now and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. I love the pictures of us that came out of it!
I think that my step parents refer to me as their daughter in conversation, which doesn’t bother me at all.
Post # 16
My kids call my DH “dad”. They are 9 and 11. My daughter started calling him dad first but then my son kept hearing it and joined in. When both dads are around its “Dad 1” and “Dad 2”.
DH took my daughter to the store once and the cashier asked if she was his daughter. He replied stepdaughter. When they got out to the car, my daughter asked him why he called her that. She let him know that she was his daughter.