Ex boyfriend threatened to ruin my wedding…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@dreamer1288:  If he is that important to you, I would talk to him about it. And hire a bouncer to block your ex from coming to your wedding:)

Post # 5
1834 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@dreamer1288:  honestly, I wouldn’t invite John – too much potential for ex drama! But I think shooting John an email and asking if he wanted to grab lunch sometime wouldn’t be out of question if you want to maintain the relationship.

However, be prepared for him to say no to you. He may have been forced to take sides in the breakup, seeing as your ex is his brother in law, and family comes first for many people. I certainly wouldn’t be thrilled if my sister’s partner started hanging out with my ex.  

Post # 6
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Honestly, I would not invite him. It seems like it will be too dramatic IMHO. If you invite John, you would have to invite John’s husband and I think that will open a can of worms. I agree with PP that maybe you can invite John to lunch or coffee. His husband and in-laws may pressure him to not be friends with you anymore, so just be prepared for that.

Good luck!

Post # 7
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would definitely explain to him why you chose not to invite him.  My opinion is that you shouldn’t extend the invite to him, its just going to be easier for you in the long run.  I’d also consider a restraining order if your ex is seriously threatening the things he is.  It may just be threats, but it could be a lot more and I think you need to protect yourself here. 

Post # 8
2102 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@dreamer1288:  What a jerk! Sorry you’re in this situation.

I would DEFINITELY talk to John about this whole situation. It seems like there’s a lot of assumptions based on things you’ve “heard” and directly communicating with him about the whole situation is key to understanding everything.

If you’re really as close as you say, he will be glad to talk about all this with you and he wouldn’t want to have your ex ruin your day… but at the same time, I would be hurt if I wasn’t invited to the wedding of someone I am close with so I bet he’s hurt and deserves an apology really…

Call John and have a heart to heart!

Post # 9
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@dreamer1288:  I am SO sorry that this has happened to you. Talk about unnecessary stress!! I would definitely talk to John, just to let him know the circumstances. I probably would not invite him to the wedding though…I would want to avoid the ex and those connected to him at all costs. You had better believe I would be hiring a bouncer or a security guard, just in case. Can’t ever be too careful with these situations. This sounds like something my psycho ex would do…so if I were you I wouldn’t be taking any chances. Again, so sorry that you are having to deal with this! It isn’t fair to you. Just don’t let it ruin your happiness, because that is exactly what your ex wants.

Post # 10
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@dreamer1288:  I would straight up talk to John and say, “hey, you KNOW I love you, and I absolutely 100% want you at my wedding. But you know things ended badly with your brother and I. He recently threatened me that if I invite you, he will come and ruin my wedding.” Then I would ask if he would rather keep him coming to my wedding a secret, or see if he will talk some sense into his brother. This is not fair to you, and he needs to put no his big boy undies and move on.

Post # 11
7207 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t invite John. Sorry, the stress wouldn’t be worth it to me. However, I would let him know the reason why. 

Post # 12
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@dreamer1288:  I would consider inviting John. After all, your ex doesn’t have to know, I’m sure he doesn’t follow John’s movements all the time. At the very least discuss this with John, tell him you’d love to invite him, and see what his take on things is. Don’t just leave him in the dark or worse, listening to things your ex is saying that are probably not true.

Post # 13
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Holy crap.

I wouldn’t invite John, but I would tell him why.  This guy is a psycho, I hope you can get a restraining order.

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