(Closed) Ex co worker and invitation to wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

This is one of those exceptional situation where following traditional etiquette would create social awkwardness and confrontation. The whole point of etiquette is to alleviate awkwardness and to avert social conflicts, so in this case I think the best thing to do would be to tacitly acknowledge that there has been too much disruption between you and social ties need to be broken off. I would not send an invitation.

Post # 5
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee

@KCKnd2:  You are absolutely right that the whole point of etiquette is to alleviate awkwardness and to avert social conflicts — beautifully worded, by the way! I agree that no invitation is required. Actually following traditional etiquette could have prevented the situation from arising. I hope some brides (and their fathers) can take note of the awkwardness and avoid creating it in the first place.

Save-the-date cards are not part of traditional etiquette. They come from the convention industry, where event-planners send advance advertising and take advance registrations. Traditional social form would be to write personal letters (I consider email a perfectly adequate modern equivalent) to those people only whose presence is essential to making your day supremely happy, letting them know individually what you are planning. Co-workers, casual friends, and distant relatives should not be commanded or expected to plan their lives around your wedding, which is the sense that Save-the-date cards can give. Don’t send Save-The-Dates, and this problem won’t arise.

Also, traditional etiquette requires appropriate boundaries between work life and social life. One may have friends with whom one works, and will probably think of them as friend first and as co-worker second if at all. Friends remain close, presumably, even if one of them takes a severance package. If onethink of someone as a co-worker then one should invite them to work-related networking events and not to social events, and one should probably avoid having flings with them, too.

Post # 6
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Everything aspasia475 and I also wouldn’t invite her.   

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