(Closed) Ex is engaged….

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You still have your ex added?? all mine got the toss right away, for this exact reason. Hope you feel better about it soon, least you know when your SO proposes it will be all the right reasons and more thought out than a month or two 😉

Post # 4
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Whether it’s right or not, I usually get over these types of things by juding them 🙂 Thinking of all the reasons a quick engagement might be a bad idea. It’s probabaly not healthy strategy, but hey if it makes you stop worrying about your own realtionship (which has nothing to do with his relationship at all, so they should not be compared!) then it works.

Post # 5
Member
32 posts
Newbee

Oh I feel for you.  I understand where you are coming from.  I’m not friends with my ex on fb but found out about his engagement from many of my friends “congratulating” him.  i allowed myself one good cry and mini pity party.  I’m sorry! Frown 

Post # 6
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee

@lhelm93:  oh hun I feel your pain! my ex and I are still on speaking terms and he bought a condo about 3months ago and his new gf has unofficially moved in with him, meanwhile SO and I have been dating longer and have never spent the night together (we both live with our parents) . I fear EX will be engaged before SO and I even though EX is a commitment phobe and SO has had the ring since FEB! ugh! just wanted to share that I’m in a similar situation and I can totally understand yiur frustration !

Post # 7
Member
11287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

this may sound blunt but it’s been 4 years…accept the fact that he is living his life and that includes getting married at some point. 

are you sure that you’re just not a bit jealous b/c he is going to beat you to the alter?  be happy for him and just move on and focus on yourself and your relationship. 

Post # 8
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I have to imagine that feels awful.  I couldn’t wait 4 years, and your ex getting engaged is an extra sting!  I am friends with one of my exes, and we chat every once in a while.  The first question he asks me EVERY phone call is,”Hey, are you and SO engaged yet?”  “Why not?”  I know he means well, but it hurts!

Post # 9
Member
2950 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t know what the relationship is like between you and your ex but I can definitely emphatize. I wasn’t exactly thrilled when I found out through the grapevine that he was getting married (granted he had been going out with her a lot longer than I had been with my SO). Then again, I hate the jerk Tongue OutEspecially since he had cheated on me with her.

But it’s understandable to feel the way that you are feeling and my advice is, like another PP said, have yourself a good vent/cry et if you need to and then to concentrate on the wonderful relationship you have with your SO. Yes, you’re not engaged yet but that doesn’t detract from what you do have Smile 

Post # 11
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@lhelm93:  wow i know how you feel i want thru the same thing it will come to you!

good luck and blessings

Post # 12
Member
32 posts
Newbee

@lhelm93:  

 

Wow, I’m sorry. Maybe your ex’s new finace forced him into it? Or he was just ready to settle down.

 

I know a lot of relationship advice says to never have expectations, but I think it’s good to have them and be classy about it. Letting someone know in a gentle manner that one day you’d like to settle down and are prepared to leave a relationship that isn’t going anywhere after dating for 6 months isn’t a bad idea. But you should save that for someone you really care for and know you might want to settle down with. Not just a guy filling in a need.

Post # 14
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I know how that feels. I have only been in two relationships where I was seriously contemplating marriage. My current one, with my fiance, and one other. He dumped me (nicely but regardless) and then a few months later was with this new girl. This new girl was pretty much exactly like me except …well, better. Hard to explain but she was more established in her career – which is also the field I’m in!, substantially better at a competitive sport we all played, and although we looked so similiar she was more naturally gorgeous while I have to “work at it” etc etc. I was so freaking jealous! Within a year they had been engaged and married. It was hurtful but it’s okay.  Try to focus on your own relationship. If you dont want to kick him off your friends list (which I understand – don’t want to make it seem like you care) you can make it so you wont’ see his updates in your newsfeed.

Post # 15
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@lhelm93:  Aw *hugs*

I know this would be annoying. The feeling will pass, though. If I were you, I’d delete your ex for your own sanity. I don’t get why people want to be friends w. their exes… in most cases it only leads to trouble. My most recent ex didn’t have a FB account, but I blocked all of his friends the first time photos of him popped up on my newsfeed!

Just try to focus on yourself and your relationship. Your time will come! You could even talk to your bf about how this is making you feel.

Post # 16
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

When my ex-fiance got married 7 years after we broke up (we aren’t fb friends or anything like that; I learned it through the grapevine) I was pretty hurt by it.  His wife also recently had a baby, but by then I was already dating my current SO so it didn’t hurt so much.

I spent a lot of nights saying to myself, “It’s not fair!  Why does he get that when he hasn’t been taking care of himself and he’s so mean and I’m so awesome?  etc. etc.”

I took solace in the fact that they do seem genuinely happy, as if we had gotten married we would have been miserable.  Also that he had major anger issues and mommy issues and he married a nurse (not saying everyone that marries a nurse is like this, but some people who ‘need’ a caregiver seek them out and sometimes caregivers seek out people they need to care for).

It’s just a part of life.  Eventually the hurt fades away.

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