Post # 1
So my fiance has an ex that he shares 3 girls with. He got a vasectomy after their 3rd child and as I understand it she was the one who pressured it and made the appt.
Now we have discussed getting it reversed as i have no children and so far have decided against it, im not sure I even want any and I welcomed our relationship knowing he was unable.
Last night we were at the dinner table with his girls before we took them to their mom and the youngest mentioned that their mom wants to try for a boy. (as far as i know she isnt even in a r-ship) and the other girls talk about it but doubt it will ever happen.
So the girls go home and next thing you know we are fighting, and i dont even know why!
This morning he apologized and said he is sorry he didnt communicate with me and that what the girls said bothered him.
He said he is disappointed that he even let it get to him and he isnt sure why. He thinks its because before the split he wanted to try for a boy but she didnt want to so thats when she made the appt for the vasec. and now here she is telling his kids she wants more children.
So, should i be worried???? Being a woman i have to wonder if he is bothered because she basically got him, and she knows that she is the only one who care share his kids, or is he upset that she may want them with someone else?
I asked him if he thought there were unresolved feeling that i didnt know about and he said absolutely not and he is right where he wants to be.
What would you think?
Post # 3
I think if your FI hasn’t shown any signs of caring for her, then you should trust him. If he says he’s where he wants to be, I’d believe him. Afterall, he is with you! (not her)
Honestly, he’s probably upset that he let himself get talked into it in the first place. A vasectomy is a sensitive issue with most men. The fact that he did this for her and now she wants more kids, I’m sure is hard on him. Not because he cares about her but because he bares the effects of her not wanting more kids. He’s the one that can’t have more when it was she that didn’t want them.
I’d say, let it go for awhile and see what he says. He might just need time to get a handle on his emotions.
Post # 4
I don’t think you have anything to worry about!
He wanted something with her and she won’t give it to him and now he finds out that she wants what he originally wanted. Of course this is going to bring up old hurt feelings – that doesn’t mean he wants to be with her and isn’t happy with you It’s just bringing up old feelings that he will get over with time.
Has he talked to a doctor about a reversal? I only ask this because there is only a window of time that a reversal can successfully be done! So if you guys are considering children in your future it may be better to do the reversal sooner rather than later just in case!
Post # 5
I think if he hasn’t shown any signs of caring about what she did before than it’s probably just resentment he has held onto from her basically forcing him to get a vasectomy and not trying for a boy.
As far as having more kids, I would wait until you are both 100% on yes or no before he gets his vasectomy reversed. I can’t imagine it would be plesant to get it undone, then redone because you or him changed your mind!
Post # 6
Thanks bees, I appreciate the feedback. So far we have decided no on children of our own, for several reasons, if something changes our minds then we will do what we can at the time, until then I will do what a good step mom does and love his 3 girls and assist in raising them the best we know how together.
As for the ex, i am so glad to read what you bees have written, it makes me see another perspective other than my own insecure one.
Post # 7
i agree – i do not believe he has any unresolved feelings for his ex, i just think it was a bit of a shock to hear that she might be thinking of more children, meaning his girls may have steps and how this changes his family structure. btw, maybe he was also thinking that maybe he cant give you children and that was playing on his mind and he might be thinking he doesnt want to disappoint you if you should decide one day that you want them