Ex just passed, not sure how I should feel.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would say contact whoever you need to and go. This is about your closure on his departure from this world. 

Post # 3
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would go, he was a part of your life and you should pay respect to him & the joy he DID bring you for the time that you were together. There is nothing wrong and don’t ever feel out of place to show your respect for human life.

Post # 4
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would at least go to the viewing (if they have one) and pay your respects. Yuo were a large part of his life for two years, and I’m sure the family will be grateful for your support during a rough time. 

Post # 5
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

He was a part of your life for 2 years. I’d definitely find out if there’s a service and then go. I would do the same thing if I found out my ex had passed away.

Post # 6
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

MadameX:  It is ok to grieve.

It doesnt say anything about your romantic feelings towards him or your current FI. This is someone who was apart of your life and made an impact on you. This is a celebration of his life and you happened to be a big part of it for a moment. It is ok to cry and yell and feel whatever you are feeling.

It is OK if you go and it is OK if you don’t. I think that was a wonderful dream you had and was definitely a sign of him saying goodbye. If it was my choice, i would attend since you ended on good terms and I am sure his family would appreciate it.

So sorry for your loss. 

 

Post # 7
Member
6749 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would go.

Post # 8
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

MadameX:  “…but I guess my concern is that anything I did at this point would be selfish and for me, not to help his family through their grief.”

 

I disagree. I had a friend in college who I was best friends with for two years. I knew her family, even though I wasn’t super close to them. We had a big falling out and stopped talking completely and since we had been so close, I am sure she told her family. She passed away at 26, about 5 years after our falling out. When she passed away, I contacted her family about attending the funeral and had the same feelings as you about me possibly being selfish in wanting to go. But when I got there, her mom gave me the biggest hug and said how glad she was that I was able to come. 

I don’t think you will be wrong not to go, if that’s what you decide. But if you want to go, go. I don’t think you will regret going, but you may regret not going.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Post # 9
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

A friend of mine from university died in an accident nearly 3 years ago. I know his family were really touched to know of all the hundreds of people who he had meant a lot to and theygot some comfort from that. I think it would probably mean a lot to them to know that despite 5 years apart he was still such a nice guy that you want to be able to pay your respects etc. Also, if you reach out to his college friend and for whatever reason it isn’t appropriate for you to go I am sure she would tell you

Post # 10
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would go, i dont see anything wrong with you feeling that way. I think his family would appreciate it.

Post # 11
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!

I would go. You both shared a life together for two years, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating and remembering the good times you shared and pay respects.

Post # 12
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I am moved by this story. I think it would be a lovely gesture for you to go. And if you decide not to, there’s nothing wrong with that either. It’s whatever you feel is the right thing.

Post # 13
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think it’s selfish at all. I think his family would be touched to know that their son was loved by all who knew him. Funerals are a time to celebrate a person’s life, and I think it would be comforting for them to know that he was cared for and thought fondly of, even by people who haven’t been in touch for some time.

Post # 15
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

MadameX:  Do not feel bad if you can’t see him in this condition. I am a nurse in ICU so I deal with families having to take people off of life support. It does not make you a bad person for not wanting to deal with that and I don’t think his family will think any less of you. If he is on life support, he is definitely in ICU and that means that visitors are limited and time for visitation is limited so unless you decide you need to see him for yourself, it is perfectly acceptable for you to let his family have this short but precious time with him. 

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