- 6 years ago
This is my first ever post but I have been stalking boards for a while now!
I need to vent/hear someone say they’ve had a similar experience (which is hard to belive)/if I don’t write this out I might explode.
Background: My Fiance was raised by two woman. His bilogical mother had a one night stand and his father still does not know he exists. She then began living with a woman who has helped raise him his whole life. In high school his non-bio mom got breast cancer and later became addicted to painkillers. His parents broke up and his bio-mom is now married to a man. His other mom is married (go IOWA!) to a woman.
I love both of his moms but their breakup was dramatic and disastorous. His bio mom regrets ever being with his other mom and says that was not who she was. His other mom seems to still have some issues with alcohol/depression/meds because she has to take something for depression but it makes her lethargic and Fiance is constantly embarassed of her behavior (falling asleep during dinner, talking super slow, not using common sense).
They are both hosting the rehearsal dinner which is so kind of them. However, their have been a lot of issues and drama with this and with our wedding. His bio-mom has not told her husband (an old fashion farmer) that she was once a lesbian. FOR 17 YEARS!! Since we got engaged she has made comments to Fi and I about having nightmares about the wedding programs/invites. She kept telling him, “You have one mother”, “She is NOT your parent”, “She did not support you” (the last one is especially crazy bc the non-bio mom was the breadwinner and bought house, vacays, attended all school events, loved him, etc.).
BIO-MIL has said that she does not want her name on things if the other mother’s name has to be on them. She has said that the other mom is not reliable and will not come through with the rehearsal financing (not true) and has asked us, “What will my NEW family do when they find out?”. I’m sorry but this is NOT OUR problem! We are not out to expose lies but we are also going to walk in the truth on our wedding day. Bio mom and other mom refuse to talk because both are uncomfortable with each other. They both say the will talk but have made no effort to communicate (wedding is in 2 months!). Non-bio mom does not seem to care for much about the wedding but does love us. She doesn’t offer her help as bio-mom does and unfortunately bio-mom loves to point this out.
My parents are paying for the entire wedding so it will just be their names on the invites but we are having trouble with the programs. We can just not put all parents names and do something funky and different but I don’t feel it is fair to my parents. Plus there is the issue with seating, speeches, dances, pictures, etc.
On another note, both MIL’s keep adding people to the guest list. There is already so much drama going on and the wedding is a big one (400 ppl invited), that my parents keep saying “It’s fine, invited them.” But it is NOT FINE! I asked for and received their guest lists months ago and they are NOT PAYING!
Thankfully my Fiance is amazing (and fairly normal despite his crazy life), and my parents are the best or else I would have checked out months ago. I’m angry at both of his mothers for making this day about them and their drama instead of about us and the relationship they each hold dear with their amazing son. I’m sick of trying to help shield lies and sick of not getting much support from non-bio mom (I’m not talking financially-as this is not what matters to us!). I need suggestions to help make my special day drama free. Please help.