Ex partners.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That really sucks and I know it’s hard to be around a partner’s ex, but everybody has a past, and you are his future! You need to stop worrying about it, or you will make it a bigger issue than it really is. My FI has to be around my exes all the time, as I have two children from prior relationships, who have lots of contact with their fathers. I also have a lot of contact with one of my FI’s exes, as she is currently dating one of my friends! You need to talk to your partner about how insecure you are feeling. Talk to him in a calm, rational way. Let him know that you trust him, and that you know you’re being silly, but that you just need a bit of reassurance. Make sure he doesn’t feel like it’s an attack or an accusation of any wrongdoing on his part, but just that you want him to reassert that you are The One for him. Then you can work through your feelings together 🙂 

It is understandable to feel a bit funny about an ex, everybody gets that sometimes. Just remember- she is his past, you are his future. You have nothing to worry about 🙂

Post # 3
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t see the big deal here. Everyone has a past. I used to work with someone that DH had a past with, she actually introduced us. It’s really not a big deal. This other women is married and has a kid. Clearly she has moved on, your FI has moved on, and now you need to move on.

Post # 4
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

This is why exes should stay where they belong: in the past. 

Look down at your ring and remind yourself she doesn’t matter 🙂

Post # 5
Member
4916 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

This is one of those times you just have to suck it up & get over it.  The past is done.  He’s with you now.  Let it go.  No good is going to come from obsessing over it.

Post # 6
Member
4596 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

As a remind my FI on a weekly basis (when he makes fun of my past)… it’s my past and I wouldn’t be here with him had it not happened. And I am happy for that.

Heck, my FI was an usher at one of my exes weddings, cos they were friends (still are but never hang out – not cos of me)… so we have that going for us! That ex was my first true love… but stuff happens and it didn’t work out – and here I am today ready to marry the guy I know I was meant to find and be with!

Lately, we have been running into his ex around town – which is odd since he says he had never ran into her for years (which I do believe), and now it’s been 3 times in the last month and a half. I know of her, as we went to high school together, but it doesn’t bother me. That was his life then and from the sounds of it – it sucked… so times are better now and we’re happy.

Post # 7
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hence why its best to leave details out about your past. No good comes from it. 

Post # 8
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

I can relate, my SO works for his sort of ex. They had a brief fling about 2 month before he and me met. She’s a nice person overall but not nice to me. I put my experince here on wedding bee looking for support. 

I suffer from severe anxiety thanks to my ex, me and SO are very open about our pasts too. He knows everyone I’ve slept with and vise versa. 

All the response I got was basically people telling me that it was my own fault for asking about the past, but that’s the type of relationship me and SO have and no one really can say what’s right/wrong when it comes to that matter. 

I felt hurt because I socialized with this woman and she was very funny with me and made odd comments at me and mocked everything I said. I never knew they’d had a fling at that point and I thought he should of given me the heads up. 

I also got some rude comments saying how insecure I must be and I shouldnt use my anxiety as a crotch. This actualy made me very angry as I wanted advice on how to cope with the situation. Not have my mental health and disability thrown in my face. Anyone who suffers from extreme anxiety knows how it controls your life and you can’t even open letters, answer the phone with out having to take medication some days. Not knowing is the cause of anxiety not the answers themselves.

So I fully understand where your coming from. It’s not a trust issue it’s a shock. I was shocked and it’s getting better. I still get shaky when it comes to my mind. Not because he’s with her 9 hours a day but because I get pictures flashing in my mind. Not something that can be helped. It was about 2/3 weeks ago my SO told me about his co-worker and it has gotton better, even in that short time. 

It didnt matter to me that she’s with someone else, it just upset me that she had this knowledge over me and I hate secrets amongst me and my SO. My SO didn’t even find her interesting or attractive it’s just the situation was very new. I can 100% put my hands up and say if he had given me the heads up before I walked into that situation I would of been 100% cool with it. 

I don’t know if this helps but If you wanted to PM I’ll reply as soon as I can. Hope your ok x

Post # 9
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I can relate.  We have my fiance’s high school sweetheart coming to our wedding as she is a long time friend of his family (possibly coming with her husband and 4 kids though too).  He also had a small thing with one of my bridesmaids many years ago before he met me (im her MOH for her wedding a few months after ours) and she is also marrying his best friend.  It sounds like a wierd disfunctional situation but we are all such close friends and have stayed that way over the years.  We dont let the past get in the way and I know that without a doubt he is committed to me and in love with me.  I think knowing that and letting only that into my mind, helps me to be ok and accept the women that are still in his life.  I trust him.

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