Ex Reached out – (How) Do I respond?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I wouldn’t reply. You don’t need an apology and you’ve moved on, like you said. I think this is only asking for trouble/drama.

Post # 3
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would send a reply that basically says “thanks for your message; I am doing well but am not interested in speaking with you. All the best to you, [your name]”.

I also had an ex come out of the woodwork recently, and he stirred up similar feelings within me. Getting that message from him got me all mixed up, so I sent a quick response and continued feeling mixed up for about a week. And then it faded just as quickly as it arrived.

So you don’t want to entertain this, and you definitely don’t want to meet up with him lest anything stupid happen. Just thank him for his kind wishes and send him on his way, and then wait a week for the mixed-up feeling to pass.

Post # 4
Member
4805 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Laydeeofsong:  I honestly wouldn’t give him the time of day. And not out of meanness (is that a word??), but out of having moved on-ness. Okay, I made that word up. He hurt you badly, so much so you had to get therapy. Exes are exes for a reason.

Post # 5
Member
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Honestly, I wouldn’t go meet with him unless you tell your current BF that you are going to go meet with this guy, and your BF is OK with that. 

That being said…sometimes you just need a bit of closure, especially in a situation like that where he cheated (I know how that is from experience, and my ex-FI cheated, we broke up, and he reached out 2 years later, it really helped give me closure).  If you want to meet speak to this guy to see what he wants, I would agree to go grab a coffee or something.  Don’t do dinner or lunch, because if you get uncomfortable with how it’s going, you need to be able to just get up and leave.

I would give him a call and see what he wants, or even just message him back and see what his intentions are in reaching out to you.  If he wants to give you some stuff he has of yours, then arrange that…but if he’s trying to weasel his way back into your life you should nip that in the bud and tell him you want no further contact.  

Please update if you talk to him, I’m curious too! lol 

Post # 6
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I do not feel like it would be healthy for either of you at this point to meet up. I think if he had something really important to say, he would have shed more light in his message that he sent. It just seems like he is trying to lure you in with the curiosity of what he might say. It seems like you have been in a good place, and there is no need to reintroduce the man who caused you so much hurt and pain. Maybe just call and wish him well, play catch up, and tell him what a great place you are in with your new man. =] I feel like you will open yourself to new hurt or reopen past hurt if you meet up with him though and we don’t want that to happen to you. 

Post # 7
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Contemporary Art Center of Peoria

I struggled with this too for a long time. I finally realized that I missed the person my ex used to be, and he was no longer the same person, just as I am no longer the same person. We could never go back to how it used to be. Simple as that.

I agree that you should not even respond. He’s not worth it. You’ve moved on, he’s moved on. Even if there was no “offical” closure; being happy in your life now is closure enough!! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

Laydeeofsong:  I guess I am not as nice as some people on here.lol I would not ignore it because I don’t want him to message again. I would tell him to back off and then block him. I would tell my friend that if he tells you to give me a message, don’t. Of course i would say it nice to my friend but I would also be sure she understood completely. And then continue moving on. Would make you feel a kajillion x stronger knowing that you just proved to yourself that you do not need him. Takes the who question away and you will be one step further from his control.

Post # 9
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Don’t reply. Don’t engage him. Don’t meet up with him.

You’ve both moved on with your lives and you know he’s no good for you.

 

Post # 10
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

ive been there and it sucks. i didnt go as far as needing a therapist, but i was defiently close to being in your shoes! me and my ex ended on horrible terms i found a new bf a few months after he found his gf. after 2 emails from me and a nasty phone convo with my bf he finally left things be. well about a year later he tried to contact me again and wanted to meet up. Needless to say i never met up with him. Why? it wasnt going to change my feelings towards him, nor did i want to see him and hear what he had to say. Does it peak my curiosity? yes i think about it every now and again. but i think i am better off having no contact from him rather than wondering what if i did?

So if you think you cant live without knowing what he wants; then meet up with him. if you think itll pass as time passes then dont. really is it going to change your feelings towards him? he probably wants to just get in your head now that you have moved on!

Post # 12
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Nothing good can come of this. You’ve taken great strides to repair the damage he did to you.. do you really want to go through this again? If you haven’t spoken in years, you two probably don’t know much about each other at all.

Let it go and find someone who makes you truly happy.. and who doesn’t cheat on you!

Post # 13
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Reply, but don’t meet him. Say, “Hey, hope you are doing well, I am fine, but I’m not interested in meeting up with you. Take care.”

If you don’t reply, it leaves the meatball dangling out there, you know? Send someting short and sweet that politely lets him know you are not open to rekindling anything. 

Post # 14
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Laydeeofsong:  I’d respond with “unsubscribe” and block him. You don’t need this. Also, I think Carrie should have focused on Aiden because Big wasn’t that great. Seriously. 

Post # 15
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with PP: either ignore the msg, or, just in case he convinces himself you never got the message and continues trying to reach out, reply thank you but you’re not interested in meeting up or in future contact, but you wish him the best.

I swear, I truly believe exes have a sixth sense, they KNOW when you’re actually in danger of getting over them and happy with with someone new, and will reach out at the very worst time.

Here are the facts: you don’t need an apology from him. He lied to you and cheated on you, and neither you don’t owe him the opportunity for him to make an apology. You are better off not being in contact with a person like him, so don’t try to convince yourself otherwise.

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