- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Okay this is super complicated (and incredibly drama-filled), so I am going to pare it down as much as I can. My dad and my stepmom got divorced four years ago after 20 years of marriage (although the court battle is ongoing). During their marriage, my stepmom alienated us from my dad’s side of the family about 10 years ago. And while we saw each other occasionally, we didn’t see them much visited for holidays through most of my teenage years.
When the divorce started, I stopped talking to my ex-stepmom because she was acting pretty crazy and had been acting like that for a while. My dad’s mom died during the first week of the divorce and during that time, my dad’s family came around, expressed how much they missed us and how glad that my stepmom would no longer be around.
Shortly after that, my dad started seeing (probably seeing during his marriage) an even crazier woman. My dad and his new girlfriend started encouraging my 18-year-old half-sister to cut out her mom (my stepmom) and his new girlfriend adopted my sister even though she is an adult. That was two years ago. I got into a fight with my dad and his girlfriend over this (amongst other things) and haven’t talked to them since.
Shortly after the fight with my dad, my ex-stepmom reached out to me and we made up. I have kept in frequent contact with her and have even been over to her house for the last two holidays. Recently, I haven’t talked to her as frequently because I am sick of her constantly trashing my dad, which is literally all she does when she calls me.
My dad’s newest wife also got into a fight with both of his sisters after they invited my FI and me to a cousin’s wedding about a year and a half ago. Now, my dad and his new wife don’t talk to one of my aunts after that fight because the new wife’s erratic behavior gives her seizures (she recently had some brain trauma).
Since then, I have been attending my dad’s family events about every four to six months and hung out with my aunt once to look at wedding dresses.
Fast forward to my wedding events: I invited both my aunts and their families to my shower (2 weeks) and my wedding (6 weeks). I also invited my ex-stepmom. They hate each other.
I didn’t really know lots of specifics, just general complaints, but I recently found out one from my half-sister. She told me that my ex-stepmom removed my aunts’ names from their mom’s hospice visitation list because she didn’t think they deserved to be on it since they had been such terrible daughters. That is obviously a terrible thing to do.
I feel like I should warn my aunts that I invited my ex-stepmom, especially my aunt that gets seizures, but I feel like they won’t come if my ex-stepmom comes. However, I would rather that they come than my ex-stepmom, even though I don’t talk to them as much.
So here’s the question: Should I just tell the parties that I invited one another and just accept it if my aunts don’t want to come?
Or do you think I should let my aunts know what I did and tell my ex-stepmom not to talk to them?
Or see if my aunts plan to come and if they are, ask my ex-stepmom if she wouldn’t mind not coming to the shower and/or the wedding?
Or is there another option I’m overlooking?
Thanks so much! Sorry for it being so long!