Post # 1
Sorry just need to vent: my husband’s exwife litterly has to text or email him every time her butt itches: she needs help for the 100th time with her bike; she needs counseling because she has problems with her new husband, she found some doodad from 12 years ago that reminded her of him, she’s worried about her face being asymmetrical, she wants to know if he needs ideas for his mom for an xmas gift, etc etc. From what little I gather, she is having a rough time–I think she is living with her parents again for like the 3rd time due to problems with her husband?–and again from what I gather I don’t think she ever had close girlfriends or many friends for that matter and I’m sure she is just sad and lonely, but I also am like “COME ON?!?! There really is NO ONE ELSE ON EARTH you can talk to about these things? How is it 2012 and you are still unable to figure out how to use the internet to answer your banal questions about your face?”
I don’t know, again, don’t want to be controlling and tell him who he can and cannot talk to and what he can talk about because that’s nuts. I have an ex with whom I am still friendly, but we talk maybe once or twice a year? I don’t ask him for favors or rehash the past because he has a wife and kid now and it just seems inappropriate/disrespectful to our new partners. And generally I talk about my husband every other sentence when we do catch up because that is my life. My husband mentions me to his ex like never and actually seems to go out of his way not to mention me. Again, don’t want a huge confrontation because it doesn’t seem worth it and I do kind of feel sorry for her that she feels she has no one else to talk to. It just makes me feel totally blah.
Post # 3
@ulysses1983: Ok, this is not acceptable. Chances are this – your DH is a good guy. He doesn’t want to “hurt her feelings,” and since you’re not making a big stink about this he feels that it’s not bothering you.
You can put a stop to this. TELL HIM this is hurting you. Tell him you feel disrespected. Tell him she needs to find a new friend like NOW.
If he’s a good guy, like I suspect, then the thought and fact that he is hurting YOU with this behavior should be enough for him to tell the ex-wife he can no longer be her BFF and she needs to detach.
Post # 4
@ulysses1983: do they have children together? is there a reason why they need to stay in contact with each other? it sounds like your husband is just enabling her behaviour because he has not set any boundaries. he needs to do this asap.
discuss boundaries with your dh and mutually agree on what is appropriate. he can then pass that on to his exwife.
Post # 5
I agree that you should tell your DH how you feel. My DH’s wife is all kinds of crazy, and he’s had to block her number several times. When he did have to talk to her for some reason, he kept it as short as possible and never mentioned anything to do with me (she doesn’t even know anything about him being in a relationship). She’s crazy, and he didn’t want her to know anything about his life or about me. Perhaps that’s why he doesn’t mention you to her? (And now my DH’s ex joined my running club, though I haven’t been active in it in a while, and I’m sure she knows nothing about it’s relation to me as she knows nothing about me– but this sucks just as I was looking forward to starting back up again.)
Post # 6
You guys definitely need to have a conversation about boundaries. When DH and I were engaged I kept telling him he needs to set his ex straight because when we are married I wasn’t going to deal with it. They do have a child together but she calls about everything under the sun including just to call me names. I told him if he didn’t want to have that conversation with her, then I didn’t have a problem doing so.
If you leave it up to her, she will never stop calling. I doubt her husband knows she’s calling that much. Ask him how would he feel if you called your ex for every little thing.
Trust me I know exactly how you feel x 10. Hope everything works out.
Post # 7
Sorry just need to vent: my husband’s exwife litterly has to text or email him every time her butt itches
Haha, sorry that made me laugh. I assume they do not have kids together? How long ago was the divorce? How old is she?
Is this a situation where you just find her calls annoying, or do you feel threatened? How do you know he never mentions you? I wouldn’t be too concerned about that anyways- guys just don’t communicate the way women do. If the ex doesn’t ask a direct question about you he probably feels awkward bringing you up.
Post # 8
Yeahhhh she has issues and there are some boundary issues going on here. He needs to cut her off – it’s not helping her move on and get her life together and it’s surely not helping his relationship with you.
Honestly, if they odn’t have children together I don’t even see why they need to be in contact still.