- 8 years ago
I have an ex with too much time on his hands and nothing to do but fill it with hours and hours of facebook. Our relationship was messed up on it’s own number of levels; emotional manipulation (from both of us, if I’m being honest), codependency, he was financially dependent on me and could never hold down a job, etc etc etc, every red flag and warning sign you can think of. We were on-again-off-again for 3 1/2 years (my soph year of college through after graduation), and I was deluded into thinking I loved him.
He continues to ‘stalk’ me years after we broke up (spent the first year and a half begging me to get back together with him), and is still emotionally, I dunno, dependent is the wrong word, but his emotions definitely fluctuate depending on my life, which bugs the hell outta me…connected maybe. Still emotionally TIED to me.
My new roommate lectured me about enabling him the other night and I realized how true it is. He’ll comment on a picture or something and I respond, when I should just ignore it. I let him get under my skin – it’s hard because he knows me SO WELL ~ we dated for 3 1/2 years! and were talking marriage before it went sour (he cheated on me).
So I went on a sort of FB cleanse; I made good use of their new privacy settings (craziness the levels of control you have now!) and put him and several of his-turned-our-friends (who have gone behind my back to tell him things I’ve said before; one is my hairdresser, so I made the mistake of gabbing to her exactly once – oops!) on a limited view of my profile, off pictures, status updates, my phone number, etc. He’ll probably freak out and email me when it happens, but whatever. I’ll gradually add more stuff to what he can NOT see…
My question is… when he emails me and freaks out (I’m 99% sure he will within the week), do I respond and just say, “Look, it’s time to move on. I’m seeing someone amazing and it makes us both uncomfortable how clingy you still seem to be; you’re seeing someone now too and surely she would also be more comfortable if we talked less.” OR do I just ignore it and not respond? He’s a really sensitive guy, and the above email would be very hurtful to him, but I don’t know how to be anything but direct, because he tends to read what he wants out of stuff (or at least used to), so anything ‘gentle’ he chooses to perceive as encouragment. It’s messed up…
I feel like deleting him entirely is a bit drastic at this point, mostly because it would come out of nowhere, and because FB is a main point of keeping in touch for me with EVERYONE (I live in China; most of my friends and all of my family live in America), so I’m not exactly the girl with 40 friends; more like 600.