(Closed) Ex won’t leave me alone! (NWR – sort of)

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do I respond to my ex's email when he freaks out that I've blocked him from seeing my FB profile?
    Ignore it. : (31 votes)
    70 %
    Respond, and explain the whole situation in blunt detail. : (12 votes)
    27 %
    Respond and LIE - "What are you talking about? I know nothing." : (0 votes)
    Other.... comment below : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    828 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    How does your fiance feel about this creeper still contacting you? Also, I voted for “ignore” because I’ve been in a situation like yours and that’s the only way to get through to someone like this.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1514 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I say ignore it.  He seems stalker-ish and I’m sure your FI probably wouldn’t want this going on behind his back.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    Ahh.  It sounds like he might need a little tough love.  I think the healthiest thing for both of you is to have more distance.  He sounds pretty needy, maybe lacks some self confidence??  He might even benefit from seeing a counselor.  (Not that he’s crazy or anything.  But  a counselor might help him get a better grip on driving his own life.)

    I’d try to be straight forward in th softest way possible.   Firm yet kind.  (goodness -did I say to be soft and firm??)  I think you get the idea.You know let him know you want him to be happy, but he need sto work on building his happiness with people who are really in his life now.

    Good luck.

    Post # 6
    Member
    6010 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I say ignore because your ex seems like the kind of guy that would try to “defend” his actions.  You know, the type that says, “But we’re such great friends.  I just want to be involved in your life.  Why can’t we keep in touch?  It’s not like we see each other; it’s just Facebook.  (etc…).”  I think if you are going to cut ties, do it all the way.  And don’t give him a loophole to squirm back into your life!  If you ignore him, you basically don’t give him a chance to respond; eventually, he’ll get the hint and move on.  🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I would just ignore it.  When you get the email you can block his adress to so you don’t get the hounding “why arent you responding” messages as well.  I have had to block exs on FB as well, so I LOVE all the settings.  IF you want to totally cut ties I would just block him and then delete him from FB.  Then he can’t find you on there.  But I agree with Nexus in that ignoring is the best, if not only, way to get through to people like that.  Even replying to that looming email will be feeding the fire.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Wow, I think I would just delete him. I can’t for the life of me understand why you’re keeping him in your life–would you consider him a friend in real life after all the crap you put up with and then finally, the cheating? If it was your fiance now that did all this, would you keep talking to him later? I know that the dynamics of friendships are all different, but I think it may be healthiest to ALL involved (you, your fiance, him, his SO and your friends) if you just stop talking to him now. Ignore him!

    I’m with Nexus, you should ask your fiance or put yourself in his shoes to see what you should do about this.

    Whatever you decide to do about it, though, best wishes and good luck!!!

    Post # 9
    Member
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I agree, block this guy’s e-mail address and move on. You owe him nothing.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    my vote is to ban, delete and ignore….  he is providing nothing to a friendship/relationship to you but old memories that arent even good old memories

    let go and focus on the future is my 2cents… goodluck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2280 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Oh yeah. Cut the lout out of your life completely. I went through something similar; a controlling, emotionally abusive ex who persisted in calling me and leaving threatening texts on my cell for over a year after the relationship ended. Those sort of people are cowards who don’t deserve a moment of your time. Just ignore him…don’t try to be nice, don’t yell at him, don’t attempt to be reasonable, just cut him out of your life completely and move on.

    Post # 13
    Member
    732 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

    Yes, even a jerk deserves to be treated like a person… by someone other than you! 🙂 You would not be deleting him unprovoked. He’s provoking you enough for you to write this post. There’s no weaning to be done. Just cut & run! (Oh I didn’t mean for that to rhyme… I swear.)

    You know they say stalkers are fed by the little bits of attention they get. Even if all you’re doing is saying, “Leave me alone!” the message they get is, “She’s responding to me! Yay!” and they keep stalking. If you ignore him completely, most likely he’ll be gone in a matter of weeks. Do you want him totally gone?

    Post # 15
    Member
    828 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    Personally I’ve found that even being bitchy does NOT get through to people like this. 

    Who cares about being “mean”? DO NOT be a doormat for this guy; allowing him peeks into your life when he has no business even knowing if you’re still alive.

    I get so worked up about stuff like this because I’ve known plenty of friends who don’t want to “be mean” to someone who’s harassing them, and since they don’t want to “be mean” it escalates into something worse. 

    Delete him and ignore him TODAY.

    Post # 16
    Member
    7054 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I wonder how your FI feels about you having contact with him.

    I only talk to one guy I used to date and he will say hi from time to time but we used to work together and the main thing is HE RESPECTS BOUNDARIES.  He knows I’m in a r and that T’s the one and when we rarely speak, he’s nice and it’s just a “hey hows it goin” thing.  When we broke up we became friends.  Better as friends actually.  T knows he’s no threat.  And my friend isn’t the kind to break up people either. 

    I also have another x (my college bf) who is an attny and we discuss things (the legal stuff regarding my x) every blue moon.  Only when the x is behaving really bizarrely and he gives me tactics (which worked) to squelch him.

    I think boundaries are the thing when dealing with an x.  I know my xh and I aren’t friends really at all.  We have little to no contact and T has little to no contact (other than parenting issues) with his ex wife.

    We wouldn’t facebook them or engage in letting them in on my life now. 

    The difference with this x is he WANTS to be in your life.  Maybe setting some serious boundaries or cutting off ties is the way to go with this one.

     

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