Post # 1
Now MOST relationships start because two people are attracted to one another (this can exclude people who develop feelings for friends and the physcial attraction comes later)
The other night FI and I were having one of our usual “lets pick eachothers brains” conversations and this topic came up.
I asked “would you still love me if i gained 100lbs?” he said, “yes, but i probably wouldnt be attracted to you physically anymore.” I half gasped and thought of being offended but decided to probe futher and asked if he’d leave me? he responded with he would obviously try to help me lose weight but if i had zero interest in trying he probably would and that a woman who takes care of her body and health is important to him.
then I started thinking and thought i feel the same way about him. other things come in to play like our age..obviously if were 75 and let ourselves go we wouldnt care as much but right now we agree that having love for yourself and taking care of your body is important to both of us. I had never thought that in depth about it because honestly ive never been with someone i wasnt attracted to…maybe this makes us shallow. i have no idea.
so bees, whats your opinion on this?
Post # 3
@Laurenskii: Orignally, I thought SO was funny looking. He asked me out and gave me his number, but I had no intentions of ever calling him. Three years later, I saw someone who looked like him, which made me think of him. I remembered that he was kinda goofy looking, but knew that he was super nice, so I found him on Facebook and the rest is history. So for me, his personality is what 100% drew me in. But now, I find him to be the most attractive man alive. The more we went on dates and the more I got to know him, the more physically attractive he started appearing to me.
My weight fluctuates VERY often… 20 lbs down, 20lbs up, 10lbs down… constantly. And he still loves me. I don’t think he will EVER gain weight/be fat. He has a tiny frame and literally can not sit still, so he is very fit. Even if he packed on the pounds, though, I would still love him! I acutally used to only date overweight guys (for some reason that was what I was attracted to more than fit guys?) and my whole family has weight issues, so that wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. I’m used to it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I do not care about weight, but his facial features are important to me. He has gorgeous eyes, great brow arches, and a contageous smile. Much more important to me than muscles or whatever, because I’m always looking at his face (and his smile!).
Both of our families have a history of getting fat in middle age, so I don’t want to pretend it won’t ever happen to him/me. Being “a fat person” isn’t a deal breaker, but seriously obese could be a problem – I like to go out and do stuff and if either of us gets to the point of needing a scooter/ass-wiping-wand, then it seriously will need to be addressed!
Post # 5
@Laurenskii: I wouldn’t leave my husband no matter what. I am attracted to who he is as a person, which means so much more to me than how he looks (though I definitely think he is hot). Looks fade, but who you are as a person doesn’t.
I felt differently when I was younger though.
Post # 6
I love everything about his appearance. Well, I wish he’d let me pluck the 5 stray hairs between his eyebrows and his hair looks silly now that he’s in the middle of growing it out, but I really love everything about his appearance.
We’re currently going through some challenges in this respect. He was/is really into strength training and trained hard – however, he sustained a really odd shoulder injury last summer that no specialist in all of Toronto has been able to diagnose. All his ultrasounds, MRIs, and other scans have come back clear, but he can’t train anymore. Consequently, he’s lost a lot of muscle – but I still love him. Actually, I prefer him lanky, but he’s been really down on himself. I think he’s gaining a tiny bit of fat too. But he can’t help it, and I love him anyway, and this doesn’t bother me beyond the fact that he’s unhappy with his appearance.
I’ve gained about 15lbs. since we got together because I was going through a really rough time, but he still loves me the same.
We’re both health-conscious though, and we always encourage each other to make better choices, so my problem is on the mend. We’re doing everything we can to get him help so hopefully that’ll be resolved soon, too.
I think as a lover, it’s important to be supportive and loving, but it’s also an important individual responsibility to maintain your appearance, and that’s a key motivator for me.
ETA: Actually, besides his height (I like my men leggy :P), he isn’t the physical type I used to go for. I thought he looked alright. After I fell in love with him the attraction grew exponentially, so it was his personality that I was attracted to first, and physical attraction came after. But it’s genuine, present, and always there!
Post # 7
My FI and I are both bigger, and we’ve agreed that each other’s weight would only become a problem if we both seriously became unhealthy so much so that we couldn’t do basic day-to-day things due to difficulty with mobility*.
*Mobility in regards to weight – ie: needing a wheelchair, etc.
@LeonardLady: My weight fluctuates often too.
Post # 8
@MrsPanda99: I dont believe in unconditional love. I’m a pretty physical person so I think if I didn’t want to be intimate with my FI it would def take a toll on other parts of the relationship
Post # 9
@Laurenskii: I could never leave my SO no matter what. I love who is and if that part changed it woul be hard but part of living together is learning to be with each other through every form of ourselves. Weight would be something we would try and help each other with and if he showed no interes then I would stay because I am sure a day would come when he DID show interest. I am here for tomorrow and not just today.
My SO is incredibly attractive but if anything happened to him I could love him no less but I can’t garentee I would ALWAYS be attracted to him. I think physical attraction comes and goes.
Post # 10
I’d be more devastated if his personality changed.
Post # 11
i should clarify that we we’re talking about MAJOR changes in weight.. I weigh 105 right now so if I gained 100lbs that’s extreme. 15,20lbs here and there are of no concern to either of us.
Post # 12
Ehh, it is pretty important to me.
We have recently both put on a little weight & neither of us is happy with ourselves & our sex drives are starting to dwindle, so today I am back on the diet train. I would love love love to get to 115lbs (5’4 with medium/large frame) & he would love to get back to 155lbs (5’9 w/ small frame).
I was sitting at 129lbs on my wedding day & felt I looked pretty good, but I could have standed to be thinner, for sure. Now I am back to 141lbs (dammitttt!) & he is up to 180lbs, so yeah, we are NOT where we want to be & I’m sure that if either of us let our weight get out of control & did nothing to change it or didn’t care about ourselves anymore, it would be hard to make the physical attraction last.
Post # 13
If my SO gained weight I would hope that he would try to lose it and alter his eating and exercise habits. I wouldn’t leave him for it but I know people that do not take care of themselves and their partners are left to just watch them basically kill themselves slowly (I’m talking having heart disease and eating bad food or diabetes and eating tons of sugar).
My SO does know this already because we both have family members that fit into the above categories and are in agreement about the situation.
Post # 14
@MrsPanda99: +10000 I absolutely agree with this.
I married him for his personality, and he also happens to be pretty damn good-looking. If he gained 100 pounds I’d only want to try to help him – I’d never think of leaving him.
Myself, I’ve yo-yoed in the past up and down about 70 pounds, and he’s always, at every weight, said I’m beautiful and that he was still attracted to me. Luckily now I’ve gotten pretty stable at a normal/slim weight. He’s about 10-15 pounds overweight but we’re both working on healthy diets, and I help him stay active by walking our dog together, hiking, etc, etc.
Also, I’ve always found attraction and sexuality to fluctuate; some times of the month I’m not interested in sex that much while other times I totally am. So for me at least the physical side of the relationship ebbs and flows with the rest of the events in our lives, if that makes sense.
Post # 15
Can’t really help getting older, and I’ll still love him when looks start fading but gaining 100 lbs all of a sudden is a little much. I’d probably feel less attracted to him more for him not taking care of himself rather than the actual weight gain, so it would be the behavioral part rather than physical (if illness drove the weight gain then I would still love him forever). Of course I would try to help him lose the weight if it came down to it. Part of the reason I fell for him, though, is because he is adventurous, healthy, and not lazy.
We love doing things together like biking, hiking, surfing…not being able to do those things with him would be more of a downer than him being fat.
Post # 16
@MrsPanda99: “I wouldn’t leave my husband no matter what. I am attracted to who he is as a person, which means so much more to me than how he looks (though I definitely think he is hot). Looks fade, but who you are as a person doesn’t.” – I agree.
I said what I said regarding weight: “My FI and I are both bigger, and we’ve agreed that each other’s weight would only become a problem if we both seriously became unhealthy so much so that we couldn’t do basic day-to-day things due to difficulty with mobility*. *Mobility in regards to weight – ie: needing a wheelchair, etc.” — as a point of concern, not in regards to a point of leaving.