Post # 1
…and do I have to keep putting up with it?
This is an honest question from a BM. My friend and I are both getting married this year and having wedding that couldnt be more different. She is having around 200 people in a big ceremony in Boston. I am going alone with my groom to have a private (us only, no friends no family) wedding on the beach in Maui and staying there for 2 weeks after. I have had a BOATLOAD of issues with her demands for her wedding and we have just made up after a pretty intense fight (details here http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-longer-interested-in-being-involved-in-this-wedding#axzz2UJd5LA00)
We made up, things are okay. I start getting emails about the dresses coming in and shoes. First, I dont like the dress and moreover, I was not really included or asked what I like as a dress. (The neckline is very high and sleeveless and I have a fairly fit body but fat arms….and the bride KNOWS this is my biggest insecurity. 😐 (I have complimented her on her skinny arms) Okay fine, I get that sometimes you dont want to wear the bdress but you do, fine. I paid $200 for this dress I didnt like.
Now the shoes. Before the Bride told me she is buying us the shoes (yay!) and she was thinking nude patent leather, because its nice, goes well and we can wear them again. YAY!!!! I said that was a great beautiful choice. I was so happy I would get one thing out of this wedding garbage. Now– she wants CORAL shoes. We have navy dresses. Coral shoes? With Navy blue dresses. Are you KIDDING ME? I cant wear that again ever. I found beautiful affordable nude patent shoes in all our sizes (http://www.dsw.com/shoe/kelly+.and.+katie+jubilee+patent+pump?prodId=258141&activeCats=cat10006,cat20006) But she complains that finding a “good nude” is hard (like finding a good CORAL is easier!?!?)
My question is, am I not allowed to say anything? Am I not allowed to pipe up and say “umm hey, I think youre intentionally trying to make us all ugly for the day, could you chill with that please? every effing person there will still be looking at you” I already hate the dress, I have to also hate the shoes? Whats next, she gets my firstborn?
Post # 3
Seriously those two colors go just fine together, and who cares if she is paying for them. This was part of agreeing to be a BM so either suck it up or drop out.
Post # 4
Well, she is unreasonable. Some girls have the wrong impression that their wedding day is the ultimate day of their life. This is the day you get to shine and be the center of the world. Like they were waiting their whole life for that. IMO, this is lame. you can’t and shouldn’t resume your life as a woman or human being as your wedding day. What about all the things you have got to accomplish???
However, this is how she envisioned it and it is her right. Now it’s also your right to say I don’t want to do it. You should either quit 🙂 or keep quiet. There is too much stress in a wedding to have to argue with BM on top of it. So don’t start an argument, just say you do not want to be a BM anymore, just a regular guest because you really can’t afford it and you are too busy with your own wedding.
Post # 5
Just saying, I’m making all my bridesmaids by their own coral shoes. I don’t know your style, but you could definitely wear coral shoes again.. Seems like you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Its not like you have to buy them..
Post # 6
But that is unfortunately part of the deal for most brides, navy and coral are super cute together however. If she is your friend I’m sure she is not intentionally trying to make you look bad. I think you just have to sucK it up if you want to be in the wedding.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@1stRosie: It’s just one day. While she is not being a good friend by not accomodating how you (or others) feel, you did decide to stay in the party. (coral and navy do go together because one is a neutral – navy – which goes with just about everything – it’s actually very popular right now). While I (or you) wouldn’t personally choose it I’m just trying to say the colour combo is not necessarily awful. If she’s paying for the shoes then whatever. It really sounds like bridezilla. Decide if all of this agro is really worth being in the party because it doesn’t sound like there will be any compromise with your friend.
ETA: I just noticed where you are from and I believe that where you are it is pretty much the same as where I am where the bride chooses the dress that you pay for. The fact that she’s paying for shoes is awesome. At least she’s not making you buy a shoe you will never wear again. She’s paying for shoes you will never wear again. So for the shoes I do not understand the problem.
Post # 8
@jrzvol: im simply not a coral kind of lady. i have one tank top thats coral and i havent worn it in about 2 years because i dont like it. i just feel like its a waste and ive been misled this entire thime about how easy things would be and how comfortable i would be and how afforedable everything would be, and how i wouldnt look wretched.
its been expensive, stressful and im going to look wretched. this makes me feel like she doesnt give a shit about how i think or feel and i think at this point shes jealous that planning my wedding has been so stressless. it makes me resent her and hate her entire wedding day when i should be happy for her. i just hate this.
Post # 9
I will qualify my answer by saying that I did not take time to re-read your previous post.
One of the joys of accepting the honor of being a BM is that you get to help fulfill the bride’s vision. In your case that means wearing a dress you don’t like. You won’t be the first, nor the last BM in that situation. Ditto with the coral shoes. If she is paying for them, there is no cause for complaint.
I think there is way more to your unhappiness with her decisions than the style of the dress and the color of the shoes.
ps She is right. It is hard to find a “good nude” . That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have chosen nude, as I know it is more wearable than coral, but these days you can certainly wear coral shoes with many colors.
Post # 10
@laceydoilies: if i leave the party i feel like we wont be friends anymore. and while I dont want that to happen, im also kinda not feeling like i want to be her friend anymore since she doesnt really seem to act as if shes my friend either.
and I know you said its not my personal color choice…but we went to college together for graphic design and have a good sense of color…i really thought she would be on the same page as me about navy/coral 🙁
Post # 11
@1stRosie: I think navy & coral go nicely together. Blue & orange are opposites on the color wheel & very complimentary. Personally, I have dark skin so I HATE nude because my nude is several shades darker than that tan color passed off as nude.
I think this is her wedding & her choice- it really doesn’t seem unreasonable. It really comes across that you don’t actually like her, so I wonder why you’re Friends with her.
Post # 12
i just feel like its a waste and ive been misled this entire thime about how easy things would be and how comfortable i would be and how afforedable everything would be, and how i wouldnt look wretched. its been expensive, stressful and im going to look wretched.
first of all – you need to take a deep breath. ‘misled this entire time’ is a bit much – she just changed the shoe colour. yes, 200 isn’t cheap for a bridesmaid dress but it’s also not outrageous and it’s navy, not seafoam or rainbow polka dot – it’s navy.
since you’re not paying for the shoes, they don’t count towards ‘expensive’ and they probably don’t count toward ‘stressful’ either. if you don’t like them, wear them for the wedding and then sell them on ebay (alleviating the ‘expensive’ part) or donate them.
Post # 13
Honestly I think you’re overreacting a bit. Wearing a dress and shoes of the bride’s choosing is generally part of being a BM, and while it would be nice if she accommodated your tastes, it’s her wedding. If she’s paying for the shoes I don’t see how you can really complain…donate them to goodwill afterwards and be done with it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@1stRosie: Different strokes for different folks. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s a bad combination. It sounds like you like more classic colours, and she is into more trendy colours. There is also a world of difference between the colour against your face and the colour being just a “pop” (like an accessory or shoe). If you don’t want to lose the friendship then I’m afraid it’s one of those things that you will have to suck up and stay quiet about. Do you have the dress with you? Maybe you could try on the dress with the shoe and send her a photo so she can visualize. I wouldn’t do anything more than that though. Most people change shoes when they get to the reception anyway, so how long will you actually be in the shoes for? Not even a half a day.
Post # 15
I love navy and coral. And that’s just part of being a BM. Get over it or drop out.
Post # 16
@peonyinlove: by the end of her wedding i have estimated that i will be paying somehwere in the neighborhood of $1800 for her wedding.
I dont care where you live. Thats expensive. Is it dumb that I would like to get even just a pair of cheap shoes out of thisd? Yes, but its what I was clinging onto. After all the drama Ive been through with her, it would be nice to feel like she cares about what i think or feel.